Parents of bilingual kids, any advice/shared experiences?

[gio71]

Hi
We are bringing up our 15 mth ds bilingual (well that is the plan). I speak to him in English, DP in Italian, we live in Italy so he hears Italian all around him, we have other English speaking friends, English TV etc. So far he says not one word! Is that normal? I get a mamma when he cries and thants it. FIL keeps making ominous noises about him being late to talk and it's because we are confusing him, he should learn English later blah blah! There is no way I want my ds to not be able to communicate in my language so FIL can do one as far as I'm concerned but was interested to know when other bilingual kids started speaking and if anyone has any advice?
Thanks all

stick to your guns.. Of course he is capable of learning both languages simultaneously, mamy many kids do it. Our situation is slightly different as we only speak English at home (both parents british) but kids born & growing up in German speaking country, so can't say exactly re ages, but I'm sure a little later is normal. But all the time he's not speaking he's still learning. whereabouts in Italy are you?

Sorry waffling a bit, insanely tired today and incapable to stringing throughts together

Our DD is almost 15 months, dh speaks Italian to her and I speak English. We're slightly different to you though as we're in London so currently the only person she really hears speaking Italian is her dad, and of course when we go back to Italy for holidays etc. Anyway - she doesn't have many words yet, just bye bye, mama, dada, that and no. Most of her little friends, bilingual or not, don't either though!

However she does understand what is being said to her and will follow instructions, point at objects when you ask her where things are etc (in both English and Italian, but it is obvious that she understands much, much more in English - because I spend all day with her, and everyone outside the home speaks English too). I think this comprehension is a more crucial indicator of development at this age - 15 months is still very young and the words will come. You are absolutely doing the right thing so don't worry!

am also insanely tired as my non speaking ds was very loudly communicating for an hour at 2 in the morn so am also struggling getting my thoughts down! Am in Rome.

glo71 - stick to it. Nobody (almost nobody anyway) talks at 15m, surely. Mine are 4 and 21m and speak/understand both English and Mandarin (and can swear in German).
We counted yesterday and ds2 has about 20 words in English and 20 words in Mandarin, but he understood (not necessarily obeyed!) instructions in both languages a lot earlier.

Does ds understand what is said in either language? Ds2 used to "eavesdrop" and if he heard us talking about going out he'd go and fetch his shoes.

Tell FIL not to underestimate children. Honestly!

I don't know any children who has many words at 15 months. I know children who are not bilingual who don't have much language at 2 and even 3 years old, but they are completely "normal", just late talkers.
My children are biligual (English and Swedish). They have all been late talkers, but no idea if this has been because they have had two languages to learn or because they are just late talkers anyway. I would not worry. Children develop differently!

Ah, Roma! Lucky you, gorgeous place.

Relax and keep enjoying your time with him.
No pressure, no 'performance targets'!
Lots of playful, fun communication, that's
all the lad needs at the moment.

I don't actually know at what age one should
really be concerned - 3 maybe? - but I really
would not worry about a 15 month old.

We are in a similar situation but I am the
one who should be 'worried'. Everyone speaks
English to our 19 month old dd but me.
She did not say much at 15 months either.
About 2 months ago she got started:
first a few words, now it's almost one word a day.

So far only English words but I sense she understands quite a few German phrases.

It is so much fun interacting with her and
I have no doubt that in time she'll start babbling away in German, too.

If you want to do more reading about this
there are some excellent books about multi-lingual parenting out there.

Gio71

My brother and I were English speaking kids brought up in Rome and my mother had the same thing with him. When we moved there, he was already talking well - in english - but for about 3 months he never said anything in italian, despite the fact that he was in italian nursery for a couple days a week. And then suddenly it all came out - he was fluent, seems like he was just absorbing it all until he was ready to go.

As others have said, your ds is still young for words, but I bet he is taking it all in and will be gabbling away in both languages in no time at all. I am sure you will have plenty of very funny combinations to tell us about in a few months time.

FIL is talking rubbish. 15 months is young for even monolingual children, and learning 2 languages slows them down considerably. He'll start talking when he's ready, probably mixing up languages and sentence structure for a bit, but they sort them out in the end and it's all part of the process. Point FIL in the direction of a bit of research on bilingual children!

My now 10- and 8-year-olds started talking (in franglais) late in comparison to her monolingual peers, but they are fully bilingual now. 18mo DS only has a smattering of words, but I'm not worried!

aaah thank you everyone, you've reassured me.
lol at "performance targets" daddyj, you're so right. I hate everyone (ok just FIL) adding his (unasked for) opinion every 2 minutes but I'm the idiot for getting worried and listening to him. I just want ds to have a happy, unpressurised childhood so you're right, the performance targets need to go and I need to chill out!
Spanielsmom, how did you and your brother develop your English when you were older in terms of reading and writing? Just interested, not worrying

Gio71 we are in london and I speak italian to DD (2.6) and DH in english (and pidgin italian). she did not speak a 15 months and has been undoubtedly late compared to all english kids and still now she speaks italian quite well (I bet less than an italian kid would) and little english despite having been with an english childminder since 11months. She understands everyhting and I know it's there. I used to worry as well when DD was same age as yours especially because old chilminder suggested (like your MIL) that I'd stop speaking italian as she would get copnfused. DON"T STOP. The language of the country they live in will always be their first language even though it doesn't look like it now. There soon will be a time when she'l refuse to speak in english as her friend do not so stick to your guns now and do not worry. I must admit it's hard for relatives when they cannot understand (and for DH). it is frustrating when DD is blabbing about in italian and MIL, SIL, DH do not understand but in my case they are super supportive.

We're in Italy too and in exactly the same situation only my DD is 2.6. She's been a bit slower to speak than some (though not by any means all) of her contemporaries, but she has always been able to understand everything perfectly and was able to translate from quite an early age. At 15mo she was really only saying mamma and daddy and one of our cats' name, plus a whole lot of things we didn't understand. She started learning how to separate the languages at around 20mo, but her pronounciation was still quite bad so I only understood about half. Now her pronounciation has improved a lot and she speaks to me in a mixture of English and Italian and to my DP in Italian only, often translating between us.

Stick with it, my DP had a wavering moment of scepticism a few months ago, after hearing his friend's (monolingual) little boy speaking perfectly, but now he's firmly convinced. Tell your FIL that his line of thinking was discredited a long time ago. Do you not know anyone with older bilingual children? It might help if he saw the long term "results", but really you should just tell him to mind his own business.

gio71 come to the MUMSNET LITTLE ITALY thread here there are a few who are in your situation.

hei bran thought you might join.

FILs (and MILs)
She tutted and sighed.
He told me, "Stop speaking English with him/her. You must only speak German"

They spoke: Ds1 same age as his peers, earlier than some monolinguals.
Ds2 - wee bit later, still not as talkative as ds1 (babbler)
Dd - earlier than the boys and most of her peers.

Have you seen the Language and Bilingualism topic? Loads of us dissect this subject

As others have said, stick with it. It's far too soon to be worrying about delayed speech and you will be giving your child a great gift. Many bilingual children take a little longer to speak because they are assimilating two languages. Also, some children are just "chattier" than others.

Sorry but your fil is quite wrong about confusing your dc. The earlier your child learns and is exposed to another language, the better.

Where I live, it is totally normal for children to speak 3 or 4 languages. Ours speaks English at home and two different languages at school (one in the morning and another in the afternoon). The key is that she speaks one language with one person, another language with another and always with native speakers. So you are already doing the right thing!

When they are learning to speak, they do tend to mix up a few words from different languages in the same sentence, but don't worry, they soon sort out which is which!!

Yes, I really hate it when older people make comments about things they know nothing about. My English grandparents thought the same, which is why my mum didn't teach me Italian.

Following Rome, we moved to Switzerland and I lived there between ages 10 and 24 - so English very much became a second language.

But Mom & Dad were great - they insisted that we speak English at the table during meals, so that we were able to keep developing it. I also was always encouraged to read in English and our parents provided wide range of reading materials - subscriptions to magazines, etc... and english language films as well. Also, english lessons at school helped, but were not easy - as it was taught as a foreign language, which is very different to a mother tongue.

We also spent holidays at granparents in England and with cousins, and made loads of friends in the UK, which helped loads and which is basically how I met my dh....long story

I know it was hard work for our parents, and we all spoke terrible Franglais, but it worked. All 3 of us dcs now speak 2, 3 and 4 languages. I am determined to push French with ds, but I have not been good at it so far, as my dh does not speak it, although he understands some. Am choosing a preschool where they do lots of French

countingthegrey - where do you live?

gio at 15 months dd was just saying "more" and "more meat" as far as I remember and I hadn't confronted her much with German at that stage

My goddaughter is being brought up trilingual - parents' native languages plus English as they live in London. She is 22 months old now and speaking really well, albeit a complete mix of 3 languages, but I don't remember her speaking very much at 15 months - it's come on leaps and bounds since the autumn really. So I definitely don't think your child is unusual. Good luck!

SSandy 2 - Brussels!

ah ok thanks, I was wondering where that would be with everyone speaking 3-4 languages

It used to be the common view that speaking more than one language "confused" children. But it's considered very old fashioned now. I think that on average, bi or tri lingual children speak a BIT later but soon catch up and have an amazing advantage for the rest of their lives.

My dd (3.5) is trilingual, and it has been just an amazing experience for me watching how effortlessly she has learned.

not very exotic I'm afraid SSandy2 but loads of different language combinations, to take one example from dd's class:

father: half Swedish/half Icelandic
mother: Japanese
child learning French & Flemish (and soon English) at school and has Italian nanny at home!!

Stick to your guns. We're bringing up DD and DS in a bilingual home and DD (4.5 yo) is now being educated in a third language. True, she spoke a little later than her monolingual cousins but she had no delay in understanding and now happily switches between all three languages with only the occasional slip up.

Just for info, my FIL refused to speak his mother tongue to his children - a fact that is greatly resented by all three of them. It also effectively broke any contact there might have been between the grandparents and the grandchildren. Languages are important - IMHO you are doing the right thing.

It's so strange this refusing to speak your mother tongue thing. A lot of men do that and I don't understand it.

Bit different angle but my (Polish) neighbour didn't speak Polish to her dd because her (German) husband didn't want her to. Now they are divorced and he is a crap father who lets his dd down all the time. So now my neighbour has a purely German speaking dc who cannot communicate with her grandparents or any of the extended family back in Poland. Since her father and his family don't bother with her anymore and she is a single dc, she has almost no contact to any family except her mum. I would never have agreed to do that and not have my dp able to communicate with my dc.