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2.3yo demanding diva - how do I turn her into an accommodating angel!!

4 replies

mammabelleboo · 17/01/2008 15:46

Apologies in advance - I need to rant and this could be a long one!!

Am feeling really fed up as have had a particularly difficult few weeks with my dd and her demanding behaviour. She has always been demanding, right from birth and as a result, I have always given her a lot of attention, so maybe where we are today is partly my fault

Basically, if she dosn't get what she wants when she wants it, we get meltdown. Also, if I do something she dosn't want me to do, we get meltdown. She is very unco-operative and I have to ask her a million times to do something before she (maybe) does it. She cries at the drop of a hat over really pathetic things.

All this is probably typical 2 yr old behaviour, but at the moment I'm finding it really hard to deal with and control my temper when it happens. Yesterday she had a hissy fit because she couldn't get a set of books out of their zip up plastic wallet. I was in the kitehcn washing up and she started to bawl so hard I thought she'd broken a bone or something. She was yelling 'mummy come here' so I went running, expecting the worse......and it was all about the books and the plastic wallet! i was so mad at her for making such a fuss, yet again, that I yanked the books out, chucked them on her lap and then threw the wallet at her before stalking off. She followed me sobbing, crying 'mummy, mummy' looking very confused and obviously wondering what sh'ed done to make me so mad. I felt such a bad mum - I've been feeling like that a lot lately as I lose my rag, then feel such a lowlife for doing so.

I feel frustrated that I can't seem to deal with this silly behaviour over such trivial things - why does it wind me up so much. This morning she went nuts again - she was sat in her high chair happily munching Cheerios when i announced I was going upstairs to get her cup so she could have some juice. You'd have thought I'd just told her I was off to Everest on a 6 month expedition! She was crying hysterically and grabbing my clothes - it's so bloody annoying at something so stupid!

Dh is getting fed up with my miserable mood and I think dreads coming home as i usuually launch into what a terrible day I've had with dd before he's even got his coat off! He suggested yesterday that if I can't cope, we get her adopted! (not an option obviously, I think he was joking !). I feel bad for sounding off to him as he's under a lot of stress at work at the moment and probably would love nothing better than to come home to a serene wife and a lovley home cooked meal on the table!

Dd has also just stopped sleeping through the night and is waking up 2-3 times. I'm not used to this as up til now has been so good at night and slept through since 4 months old. This has made us both a bit grumpy which hasn't helped the behaviour of either of us. I'ts especially taken it's toll at the moment as I'm in the early stages of pregnancy.

I just want to feel I can cope with her behaviour - but I feel useless at dealing with it as I don't know how to deal with it and it's just making me angry. I don't want to keep shouting at her - but until I find a successful way of disciplining her when it happens, I'm going to feel out of control. Have tried threatening her with not going to the swings or something, but I foolishly in the heat of the moment threaten things that actually I'd rather not take away - a trip to the swings with her dad means a bit of peace for me!!

Sorry for such a long, pathetic rant but am just feeling so like I don't want to be a mum at the moment, it's quite scary! Not good as no 2 is due in the summer. I should be full of joy at the prospect of being a mum again, but to go through the last 2 yrs again with dd1 also to look after is filling me with dread. How can I look after a newborn with a demanding diva round my neck! Had untreated PND with dd1 (sometimes wonder if I've still got it - is that possible 2 yrs+ after the birth?) - don't what that this time round, want to enjoy this baby and not feel crap & useless. Help x.

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3andnomore · 17/01/2008 17:12

I so understand where you are coming from...it's a difficult age, and knowing that it will be a phase that passes, doesn't always help much.
I don't think you spoilt her or anything by giving her lots of attention.
Try to stay calm (difficult to impossible, I know) and ignore the bad behaviour as much as you can and praise the good. Keep giving her lots of loving attention. And, try to avert tantrums where possible...i.e. it's worth considering which battles you have to fight and which things don't need to become a battle of wills!
Best of luck and it WILL get better

cory · 17/01/2008 17:23

Is there any way you can get someone else to take over from you for a morning now and then? Or is there a mums' club/similar you could join, that will keep her a little bit occupied while you blow off steam to the other mums? It does sound like you are badly in need of me-time.
Have you thought of playschool before the lo arrives? (If you are going to do it, it is ideal to do it before baby, so she does not connect the two- 'I'm being thrown out to make room for this stranger'). Though she is a little bit young atm- but maybe in 6 months time?

Piccalilli2 · 17/01/2008 17:37

Hi, no real advice as my 2.3 dd is much the same (maybe it's an age thing) but just wanted to say, don't underestimate how much the lack of sleep for both of you might be making things worse - my dd went through a similar not sleeping phase when I too was in the early stages of pregnancy and both her behaviour and my capacity to deal with it suffered horribly. It's just not easy to be patient mummy when you're knackered. What really helped for me was tackling the sleep thing - we bought one of those bunny alarm clocks and she now knows she has to stay in bed til the rabbit wakes up. It took a couple of awful nights of rapid return but she now sleeps like an angel again and I feel like I can cope again. Also, it does get better when you're a bit more pregnant, weirdly - you're still knackered but it's a different kind of tired and, ime, much easier to cope with.

Sorry - not much practical advice but really just wanted to say, don't make yourself feel worse by thnking you're a bad mum, you're just having a difficult time at the moment and it WILL get better.

mammabelleboo · 17/01/2008 19:24

Thanks all - nice to know I'm not alone and, not wishing this frustration on others, it's strangely comforting to know others have/are going through the same - that sounds awful ! Picallili - like the idea of the alarm clock - where did you get it from and how exactly does it work?
Got to go - bedtime looming! Will check back later when I have more time to reply. Thanks again. x.

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