Apologies in advance - I need to rant and this could be a long one!!
Am feeling really fed up as have had a particularly difficult few weeks with my dd and her demanding behaviour. She has always been demanding, right from birth and as a result, I have always given her a lot of attention, so maybe where we are today is partly my fault
Basically, if she dosn't get what she wants when she wants it, we get meltdown. Also, if I do something she dosn't want me to do, we get meltdown. She is very unco-operative and I have to ask her a million times to do something before she (maybe) does it. She cries at the drop of a hat over really pathetic things.
All this is probably typical 2 yr old behaviour, but at the moment I'm finding it really hard to deal with and control my temper when it happens. Yesterday she had a hissy fit because she couldn't get a set of books out of their zip up plastic wallet. I was in the kitehcn washing up and she started to bawl so hard I thought she'd broken a bone or something. She was yelling 'mummy come here' so I went running, expecting the worse......and it was all about the books and the plastic wallet! i was so mad at her for making such a fuss, yet again, that I yanked the books out, chucked them on her lap and then threw the wallet at her before stalking off. She followed me sobbing, crying 'mummy, mummy' looking very confused and obviously wondering what sh'ed done to make me so mad. I felt such a bad mum - I've been feeling like that a lot lately as I lose my rag, then feel such a lowlife for doing so.
I feel frustrated that I can't seem to deal with this silly behaviour over such trivial things - why does it wind me up so much. This morning she went nuts again - she was sat in her high chair happily munching Cheerios when i announced I was going upstairs to get her cup so she could have some juice. You'd have thought I'd just told her I was off to Everest on a 6 month expedition! She was crying hysterically and grabbing my clothes - it's so bloody annoying at something so stupid!
Dh is getting fed up with my miserable mood and I think dreads coming home as i usuually launch into what a terrible day I've had with dd before he's even got his coat off! He suggested yesterday that if I can't cope, we get her adopted! (not an option obviously, I think he was joking !). I feel bad for sounding off to him as he's under a lot of stress at work at the moment and probably would love nothing better than to come home to a serene wife and a lovley home cooked meal on the table!
Dd has also just stopped sleeping through the night and is waking up 2-3 times. I'm not used to this as up til now has been so good at night and slept through since 4 months old. This has made us both a bit grumpy which hasn't helped the behaviour of either of us. I'ts especially taken it's toll at the moment as I'm in the early stages of pregnancy.
I just want to feel I can cope with her behaviour - but I feel useless at dealing with it as I don't know how to deal with it and it's just making me angry. I don't want to keep shouting at her - but until I find a successful way of disciplining her when it happens, I'm going to feel out of control. Have tried threatening her with not going to the swings or something, but I foolishly in the heat of the moment threaten things that actually I'd rather not take away - a trip to the swings with her dad means a bit of peace for me!!
Sorry for such a long, pathetic rant but am just feeling so like I don't want to be a mum at the moment, it's quite scary! Not good as no 2 is due in the summer. I should be full of joy at the prospect of being a mum again, but to go through the last 2 yrs again with dd1 also to look after is filling me with dread. How can I look after a newborn with a demanding diva round my neck! Had untreated PND with dd1 (sometimes wonder if I've still got it - is that possible 2 yrs+ after the birth?) - don't what that this time round, want to enjoy this baby and not feel crap & useless. Help x.