DS 2.5 years and best chum not getting on - nursery want us to swap days

[mcnoodle]

DS's friend is lovely, I am very good friends with his mum. We met when pregnant and hit it off and the boys are very close. Friend is having a bit of a 'phase' of hitting and pushing and has been in DS's face alot at nursery - it's all classic terrible 2 type behaviour and my friend and the nursery are being really good at dealing with it (time out/different activities etc).

DS has suddenly become alot less keen on nursery. Very clingy, which is not like him at all. Spent the journey home yesterday telling me that pushing is not nice because it hurts.

So the nursery want us to swap a day so that they get a day apart (they go for 2 full days together atm).

I guess this is the right thing to do, but I feel sad about it. I obviously don't want DS to be unhappy at nursery, but feel odd about it all for some reason.

There's not really much to say to that is there!?

Hmmm. Ds is having problems with another child at nursery at the moment so I do sympathise. I would have hoped that the staff were better able to deal with a pretty normal situation, rather than suggest you swap days.

i'm sorry but i think the nursery should be dealing with this perfectly normal behaviour not requesting you change your days. do you work? what if you can't change your days to accommodate the nursery's utter helplessness in the face of bog-standard behavioural issues

i'm sorry your little boy is unhappy but surely there must be other things to try?

it isn't the right thing to do at all!

IMO opinion nursery should be working to help stop the problem, not ignoring it by asking you to remove your DS

the hitting/pushing etc is really common

i posted a while back about my DS and his boisterousness (SP)

This is also part of growing up. You are not describing anything that is untoward here. What message will it send to the boys if one of them has to change days over this?

I don't think they should be changing days at all as they should have better ways to deal with it, but if saomeone does have to change days then the other child should.

The nursery haven't spoken to me about it. My friend called me this morning to say that she had suggested it to the asst manager who agreed that it was a good idea. My friend has agreed to swap her days - she is freelance.

I really like the nursery and DS has been really happy there but I agree with you that there should be other ways to address this.

I will talk to them when I pick him up this afternoon, maybe I'll find out more information . I think the dynamic between the two is quite complex and is changing as they get older/develop other friendships.

Actually, that's why I feel a bit sad and odd. I suppose I don't like it that my friend doesn't want them to be there at the same time. And the nursery are just happy to go along with that (easy solution for them).

Beansprout, what is happening with your DS. If I may be so bold?

If the other mum has changed a day then that's her choice really. It sounds like the nursery were dealing with it well and would have continued.

Maybe it will be a good thing; time for both children without the other so they can focus on other children and play with them and start to make other 'friendships'.

Yes HG. Think this is me feeling a bit hurt really.

When DS has been on his own in the past (friend on holiday/sick) he has always had a good time and the staff have told me that he enjoys more time with other children. I'm sure it will be good for them both. This is my first ever delve into the world of children's friendships - I have years to go yet - must grow thicker skin asap.

Yes thicker skin - check

I can't talk. I am agonised about the smallest problem ds has with his friends at school.

It does sound like a good idea all round though, if your friend is genuinely happy to move days..which I guess she must be, as she's offered.

Thanks - am off to nursery soon, so will talk to them about it all anyway. Wish this growing up business didn't rush along quite so fast.

Ds is having a bit of a hard time from another boy. He is being hit, pushed, shouted at etc. Ds is not the only one on the receiving end and having spoken to the staff, they have told me that the other boy has some problems at home atm which are manifesting themselves in this way.

That said, ds is also at nursery for 2 days a week with his "best friend" and they had an argument the other day but I am not too worried as I think this is about right at their age (3.2). However, if one of them turned on the other on a permanent basis, I would feel differently but that's not what is happening.

Hmmmm - you see, I don't think that Ds's situation could be considered 'permanent' just yet. It's only been going on for a couple of weeks afaik. That's why I'd like them to stick it out a bit longer.

It sort of feels easier if other children are on the receiving end, but I suspect DS is the main target. A kind of brotherly love/hate thing perhaps.

Maybe it is my friend that I need to talk it through with. She is obviously worried about her ds's behaviour at the moment and I wonder if this is just a bit of a knee jerk reaction.

mcnoodle - don't feel hurt that your friend does not want them there together. Perhaps she sees it from a different point of view - perhaps she is worried about your and their friendship because it is her son who is doing the pushing and she is worried about it and does not know what else to do. She is probably worried about you falling out with her over her sons behaviour so has suggested she move his days to try and maintain your friendship.

I think you should be honest - tell her how you feel and see what she say's.