16 week old Dummy Addiction???! Please help - Can't cope any more......

[BritishBeef]

Sorry for the long post but I'm seriously losing my sanity.
Our DS is 16 weeks old and for the last 4 weeks has been waking more and more through the night. Prior to then, he was nearly sleeping through with no problems.

Right now we are going through absolute hell with him waking on average 20 times a night!!

He has a dummy to go to bed with which sends him off to sleep and he always spits it out once he's asleep. He could always go back off to sleep through the night generally if he woke too. Not any more.

4 weeks ago, when he started to become unsettled, he would wake and we would find that he had got his arms out of his swaddle. He has always been a wriggler and whenever he woke before he had unswaddled himself. So we would re-swaddle him and pop his dummy in and that would be that. This happened more and more frequently, so we bought some diffrent swaddles (on our 5th!) to see if that was the problem. We are now using a Swaddleaze which he has more difficulty getting out of (but still does sometimes). We tried him in a sleeping bag but he would just rub his face to pieces and pull his dummy out and then cry. We have tried half swaddling, one arm only - you name it, we've tried it.

Lately, when he wakes (each and every 20 times a night), he cries and we just have to go in and put his dummy back into his mouth and he goes straight back to sleep only to wake 10/15 minutes later and we do it again.

Now here's the thing. He goes to bed at 7pm and has a dream feed at 10pm. He doesn't wake between. He only starts to wake up constantly through the night after about 1am. So, from 7 - 1am he is settled and asleep.

He sleeps fine during the day.

After reading up on the web, we think he may have a dependency on the dummy. Anyone agee?

The thing that we can't understand is why he wakes all night long when he didn't before? How come it only bothers him after 1am? Does a dummy addiction cause them to wake all the time? If so, why? Do they subconciously realise the dummy has fallen out and it wakes them?

Our health visitors are useless and suggested after saying 'I haven't got a clue' to either drop the 10pm feed or give him hungry baby formula at 10pm (didn't work). He's not hungry as he hasn't had a night feed for some time and was sleeping fine.

What I want to know is:

Does this sound like a dummy dependency thing and has anyone else had the same situation?

What's the best way to tackle it if it is?

We tried him in a sleeping bag without a dummy and giving him a 'blankie' but he just pulled violently at it and screamed.

The sleep deprevation is killing me. My wife's coping a little better (more patience). I have been off work for a long time for Anxiety related illnesses and have finally managed to get my life back on track and I was ready to get back to work but this stress is setting me back and I'm concerned that I will go back to the dark times I did previously.

Any advice appreciated as always.

If it helps, here's our DS's routine:

*Up at 7am - feed
*approx 8.30am nap for 2 hours
*11am - feed
*approx 12.30 nap for 2 hours
*3pm feed
*4pm nap for 50 mins
*6.00pm bath
*6.30pm feed
*7pm bed
*10pm dream feed

hi BB, not a lot to add but there will come a time (hard to imagine now i know!) that your LO will be able to get the dummy back into his mouth himself, sorry i can't remember how old ds was when he did this, maybe 6 mo?
I would also suggest giving him a feed in the night and seeing if that settles him. Routine is good but as someone else said, your baby is growing and his routine will be constantly changing. My ds slept 7-7 from 7 weeks til 9 mo and then he woke up at least 5 times a night until he was one and still isn't a great sleeper!
You say you have had anxiety issues in the past - now please hear what i am saying gently, i REALLY know that sleep deprivation is the worst thing in the world, but perhaps just try to relax a little more about getting everything "right" - honestly, parenthood is just one long process of trying things and hoping they work, so don't beat yourself up if things don't seem to be going according to plan with your LO. All the best

I'd definitely try the no swaddling - maybe a gro bag tightly tucked into the bottom of the cot with a blanket over ? Gina Ford has a good section on dummy dependance in her book on sleeping. We went through 3 nights of controlled crying when we took it away and now DS2 ( 6 months) pretty much goes through 7 - 6. CC can be pretty tough to bear though so not for everyone.

Another vote to try another feed.

They go through hungry phases and growth spurts. As he's growing and getting bigger he perhaps needs more milk.

I think that only 1 feed between 6.30pm and 7 the next morning doesn't seem a lot.

Ignore what he's been doing up until now - by the sound of it the rules have changed - concentrate on what he wants to do now.

I agree that hunger might be the issue. At 16 weeks to go through from 10pm til morning is quite a stretch. And if he is waking at 1pm after a dream feed at 10pm that is quite usual? My 6 month old still feeds twice a night.
I never did dream feeds as I found that mine didn't feed properly as too sleepy and so I let them decide for themselves when they wanted food.
The dummy might be a bit of a red herring. You put it back he thinks its food and then 20mins later realises it isn't???
Try feeding when he wakes and see it it helps.
By the way all mine have been 'down' at 7pm by 16 weeks but then they did get up for feeds during the night when they wanted to.

i agree with desiderata on the swaddling thing. my DD HATED being swaddled and i didnt realise this til about 6 weeks in!! also as he is having a dream feed do you put him down straight away afer the feed?? could he have a touch of wind?? i had to wind DD after every feed regardless of if she had dropped off up til she was about 9 months cos she was a v windy baby and cried if it hadnt been done. (she was BF aswell BTW but my friend had the same prob and her DS was FF)
HTH in some way xx
xx ei xx

Try without the swaddling.

Pop him in a sleeping bag and give him an extra feed. If he wolfs it down and then settles for a few more hours then you know its hunger. Worth a try rather than have him wake up so frequently. Better for you too!

If he is getting out of his swaddle, I think he doesn't need it anymore.

However dd was EXACTLY like this re dummies, and I swaddled her until she screamed in protest one night (about 5 months old). Dummy issue continued, as I was just too weedy to take it off her

Now finds her own at 18mo

throw all dummies in bin

this time next week he will have forgotten about them

Hi all & thanks for the replies, this is BB's wife (NessieD)so am replying for the both of us!!

We have tried him without his swaddle in a Grobag and he CANNOT get himself to sleep, he will fall asleep and 5 mins later jerk himself awake and this will repeat itself for hours until his is just sooo tired that he can't sleep at all!!! we have tried one arm out aswell but he just gets really frustrated. A fried of mine has suggested putting him in his grobag and placing him on his side to stop his hands flailing so much.

We have said no more dummies from today, I am not totally convinced that it is the dummie as sometimes he will spit it out and coo himself to sleep, today he fell asleep in the car without it and slept at my MIL's house without it as he spat it out and cried himself to sleep apparently! this evening I put him in his swaddlease, arms out, he cried and cried so in the end I put his arms back in and let him suck on my finger to calm down and doze off, one he puased for sucking I took my finger out and he has been asleep ever since! My MIL has suggested giving him babyrice and I may start that soon as he has reflux and IMO the sooner he goes onto solids and off of horrid Gaviscon the better!!

It's my shift tonight so I am going to try feeding him in the night when he wakes up (he is FF)and NOT give him the dummy to dose back off. Keep your fingers crossed for a better nights sleep for us both!!!

Just for a point of info the baby rice may actually make the reflux worse and it will not necessarily mean he is off the gaviscon.

I know the gaviscon thickens the feed in his stomach but the baby rice may thicken it more and the acid will then not come back as sick but get stuck in the throat and cause more pain and discomfort.

I think you are doing the right thing going for a feed in the night, both of mine slept well then started waking again and it was the only thing that settled their sleep again and they did drop them again soon enough.

Honestly in a few months time you will look back and think that this time actually wasn't as bad as you thought, the sleepless nights pass and they get all grown up all of a sudden then you start it all again lol

Thanks for all the suggestions, especially those about him possibly being hungry. He didn't wake until 3am this morning and we fed him. We slept then until 6.30am. So it looks like he was hungry, poor thing!

Thanks again!

Sounds like a better night for you and that bit of extra sleep can make all the difference to you, hope it keeps up for you

My ds drives me mad with the dummy at night, I have to remember to bring up a couple of clean ones when I go to bed cos if I don't I'm scrabbling under the cot for it, have to turn light on, dislocate shoulder trying to get it. I'd love to give it up but he's really dependant on it (or am I dependant on the peace it brings?).

BB, I think at about 4-5 months babies are able to go through the night without a feed, before that they generally need I think. What I did was when they woke just gave them water, it takes a few days but they start to realise that it's not really worth getting up in the night and should start to sleep through.

I think waking up at 3 then going back til 6.30 is brilliant for that age, and forget about all the other babies in the ante natal class thing I'm convinced people lie

One other thing, somone suggested putting the dummy on a bit of ribbon, I don't think thats a good idea as a wriggling baby can get it wrapped round their neck.

The babies at the postnatal class WERE'NT sleeping through, they were just all in bed by 7pm

Oh right well thats not so bad then, but still bit fishy that every single one of them in bed for 7 who knows whats really going on behind closed doors...[smd ile]

We had this with the dummy, and at this age they are too young to find it for themselves.

We did controlled crying (which I know many people here disapprove of), and it worked brilliantly. We started on Thursday and by Sunday the problem was solved. And he was never left for long before he was asleep.

ok, but i still stand by in bed at 7pm as being too early

baby rice is not the answer, especially with digestive problems, you could try split feeds and if necessary, hungry baby milk if he is draining bottles and not satisfied.

you can add an extra ounce if he is not having a full bottle, obviously , and see if that helps..... at 16 weeks, babies only need milk, and lots of it. there is often a growth spurt at this time, whihc can lead to parents worrying baby is too hungry and introducing food.

simply in terms of volume, a spoon or two of baby rice cannot fill a baby like an extra milk feed can. he will settle, i promise !!

waking once in the night at 3am is great going for this age.....

Agree with every point on your post, Lulumama.

2Girls I did specifically say SHORT ribbon, just long enough to go from shoulder to mouth, not long enough to wrap round neck. I did this with ds (now a strapping 8 year old).

Lulu I agree with you that expecting a baby to settle for 12 hours is too long. Keep him downstairs with parents until at least 9 or 10 o'clock, even if he's napping down there.

I wouldn't do it but if anyone else wants to thats fine for them, I wouldn't critisise anyone for doing as they see fit. But I was just pointing out that I think it might not be the safest thing to do even if it is very short, but that's just what I think and if you did it I'm sure it's ok.

Sorry bit late with ideas but just seen post. DS2 is 18 weeks and we have just gone through smae situation but not as extreme. We have got rid of the dummy completely as it was definitely causing him to wake up when he felt it wasn't there. Took a few days of crying and having to resettle with a cuddle but now it's like the dummy never was. If you think he needs to satisfy sucking reflex then let him suck furiously for a few moments then put him in bed without it...worked a treat for me! Also do you think he is maybe sleeping too much in the day? Obviously depends how into routines etc you are and whether you gag at waking a sleeper, but mine sleeps 45mins in the morning 2h at lunch and 15 mins or nothing in the afternoon, depending on when his lunchtime nap was. He is always in bed by 7 as like yours, he is on his knees by then. We tried to dream feed but it just triggered him to keep waking so now i leave him be.. he will either wake at 4.30am for a quick feed then resettle till 7 ish, or he will go through till 5.30/6am and be up for the day. If he sleeps more during the day like if we are out in the car, this screws up the night for sure. Good luck anyway!

My DS1 loved being swaddled and when he got too big we put two large rolled up blankets, one down each side of him so he felt secure and you can, for want of a better word, "pin" them into bed with a sheet over them.

He had a severe "moro" reflex which is the startle reflex so by pinning his arms with the blankets and the sheet to hold eveything in place he coped better.

DS1 didn't have a dummy whereas DS2 does and we used a soother saver, everyone sells them Boots, Tesco, Toysrus, that clips the dummy to their clothing. But your DS is too little to be able to find it but you can instead of trying to find it in the cot.

He's hungry! My ds did exactly the same thing at this age and I thought it was a dummy issue, drove me up the wall. Someone sugested he might be hungry so I'd feed him when he woke, about 1am, and he'd sleep happily the rest of the night , dummy or no dummy. Lots of babies start waking up again at this age and my ds continued untill he was weaned!

He's hungry! My ds did exactly the same thing at this age and I thought it was a dummy issue, drove me up the wall. Someone sugested he might be hungry so I'd feed him when he woke, about 1am, and he'd sleep happily the rest of the night , dummy or no dummy. Lots of babies start waking up again at this age and my ds continued untill he was weaned!