3 year old showing autism traits at preschool but not at home

[Kathryne24]

Hey everyone!
Preschool have raised some behaviours that my 3 year old is showing that they wouldn’t expect at this age… He will be 3 next month and he was born 5 weeks premature.
Hand flapping - I have seen him hand flapped 5 times in his life
Staring at lights - they now say he no longer do this. I have never seen him doing this.
Doesn't like loud noises, especially around lunch time, he covers his ears, make high pitch scream or makes strange noises. I have never seen him do this myself. He doesn’t seem to mind any noises such as hoover, hair dryer, ambulance noise etc. He travels well too, loves planes , airport etc.

Not giving eye contact when being told off and shakes head from side to side - not sure about this one. I think it is normal toddler behaviour?
He can be aggressive sometime and hit/bite sometimes because he wants to snatch a toy or sometimes for no reason whatsoever.

He is pushing children with his head especially in circle time. It seems to be a bit of a thing because he is doing that at home a lot, he clenches his teeth and pushes with his head, not head butting.
Today he was making strange noises at strangers. Is that normal?
He crosses his fingers on his hands, always has done since baby.
Otherwise no issues, hitting his milestones, walking, talking, sleeping, eating well and potty trained very quickly.

I don’t want to ignore preschool so I am getting him assessed anyway but I find it very strange that I haven’t seen this type of behaviours myself? Has anyone experienced something similar or has any advice?

Thanks a lot!

The head pushing thing might well be sensory seeking behaviour - and you say he is doing that at home too.
The sensitivity to sound might be the "final straw" thing at mealtime in Nursery, if he is already on the edge due to possibly anxieties at the other dc being close / in his space - which you wouldn't get at home - and possibly on top of a sensitivity to smells ?
The stimming with his hands, you are saying you have seen him do, just perhaps not as often as he does at Nursery ? As per the ear covering, there could be a link to him already coping with far more stimulations at Nursery than he would be as one child at home with you.
Again, the finger crossing sounds sensory related to me.

Obviously, I don't know your dc, as no-one who answer this thread won't. Possibly you have inexperienced staff at Nursery who have just done some training and are 'looking out for signs' but most likely, the Nursery staff will have a LOT of experience between them, and hundreds of 2 - 3 year old going through their Nursery and seeing how they react to being at Nursery, with all the hustle and bustle and noise and different experiences that brings, and, through having that experience, they then notice when a child has enough differences to warrant further assessment by experts.

It is very, very, very normal for Nurseries to see children responding differently at Nursery from the way parents see the same dc at home.

So my eldest is Autistic and like your son, she’s toilet trained, speaks well, plays and appears social. But she is autistic. Like your son, she has sensitivity to sound - she also covers her ears. Autism is a huge spectrum and not all children display the typical signs such as hand flapping, behavioural issues, communication delays. I definitely think you’re doing the right thing getting him assessed. Nurseries don’t typically feedback that kind of information unless they’re confident in their concerns.

I also wanted to add that children are very different at home vs in a busy setting like a nursery. Home is his safe space, very familiar etc.

My child is the same. Appears normal at home but when she is outside or nursery, she is mostly in her own world. Less interactive according to home. Nursery has raised concerns. Recently has started covering her ears and making gibberish sound to cover noise that she is fearful of e.g she had bad experience in children contactless payment car few months ago. Today she remembered that car and was covering her ears and making loud gibberish sound to cover her fears. Having auditory test soon 😢. I just hope world is not fearful for her. Feeling very sad and low today!!!

Hey Everyone, I don’t really have much of an update except that he is still on the waitlist for an assessment. It has been over a year. He turned 4 and from my initial list I have written here is an update:
He is hand flapping sometimes but very minimal, only when super excited. I don’t know if an outside person would even notice.
He is not sensitive to noises. He covers his ears mainly when watches TV and there is an anger or someone getting hurt.
No head pushing or being aggressive towards children. He is still finger posturing. He behaves well, no major meltdowns. He is social, maybe sometimes less in a big group of people but definitely holds conversations with his peers back and forth. We did speech and language therapy, it was something offered to us due to long waitlist and the therapist said his language is flexible so no gestalt which is common with autistic children.
He became big brother in February and adjusted very well. He hasn’t been jealous at all and is very compassionate towards his brother when he is crying.
He started reception in September and adjusting very well and so far loving the learning and going to school.
When he is super tired, yes he is displaying some autistic traits but on the day when he is not tired you couldn’t tell.
Like any other kid he grew out of certain behaviour but we still don’t know if he is autistic or not and waiting for an assessment. Anyone whose kid grew out of it at all?

Hi I don't know so much about autism but something stood out to me. Not making eye contact when being 'told off'. I wonder how the nursery are handling him. My nursery wouldn't say we told him off. They say we reminded him about kind hands.

Hand flapping is not just autism as far as I'm aware. I have a non autistic dyspraxic friend who does it. Or they can be at a barely noticeable level on the autistic spectrum. I'd still want a diagnosis.

Hi, yes we are still waiting for assessment so hopefully we get some answers.
All of these symptoms I have mentioned generally last for couple of weeks/months and then they stop.
I should also say that with not liking being told off, he is sensitive to people raising voice. He doesn’t like it. He would say mummy is shouting at me and he will get upset often runs to his room or another room. We can’t tell him off even in just a stern voice. It is not much of an issue because generally he is very well behaved but if I want him to hurry up I have to gently tell him or he will get upset if I raise my voice. He definitely picks up on this.
He is also sometimes playing with cars laying down but I have seen other non autistic children to do that.

Yes my child is also very sensitive to being told off. Even the slightest sound of disappointment in a voice or sighing can cause him to be upset. His best friend is the same.

My child has no noticeable autistic traits. However some people are highly sensitive. And if children are used to a mind tone they pick up on any difference.

I think its normal to lie on tummy when playing, particularly if you have tummy ache.

I wonder if the tone being directed towards him at nursery is triggering some anxious behaviour and its a vicious circle. Or he may not get on with any child. Whether he's autistic or not this may be tricky to handle.

I suggest you find out more about how they are handling any 'difficult behaviour'. Perhaps there are ideas you can pass on for handling any outbursts. Or maybe he even benefit from a smaller group, a childminder. Good you're getting a diagnosis, sorry you're waiting so long.

Hi how’s your DS now ? ☺️

Hi any update please

Hi do you have an update please... my DS is 2y7m old and he likes to jump up and down clapping his hands a lot, he spins around,he's got speech delay and we are under SALT still awaiting an audiology appointment to check his hearing, he also covers his ears if there is something he doesn't like on his cartoons he watches...he says mum mum ...daddy and I did it and he did say thank you for the first time about a month ago but hasn't said it since ..he's great at grabbing my hand if he wants the door open and brings me his bottle if he wants another drink ...he understands the word No and does get quite emotional when either me or my DH tell him he will try and bite/hit us ..not sure if it's just normal toddler behaviour or maybe signs of autism traits as the HV said she can see some autism traits but he is still too young to tell..his nursery are doing a report on him and will be sending it to be assessed