Angry to calm mummy help - 3yo long hair cut off

[orchardgirl4]

I came back from a medical appointment this morning to find that my 3 year old girl's hair has been cut off by my 5 year old girl, whilst my husband had been getting the eldest ready for school. After the initial shock, I started feeling furious, because I thought that 5yo must have done it because she is jealous of 3yo's hair - this is my issue right now re. feeling angry, and upset about what I believe the motivation was. My eldest has thin curly hair that hasn't grown long yet, 3yo's is thick long and straight. 5yo wants plaits in her hair like other girls at school who have long hair, but then is always disappointed her plait isn't long and thick. Then 3yo wants the same as 5yo but her plait is long and thick and 5yo doesn't like that. I've had conversations regarding being happy with own hair. 5 yo is at school now so I have not spoken/reacted to her yet. Just as well because I'd probably have shouted and gotten very upset at the time. Of course she shouldn't have had the scissors. She had got them out the art box. When husband found hair cut off, 5yo denied cutting 3yo's hair. Then he found the scissors in the bed under the duvet with the thick bundle of cut hair.
What is the best way for me to respond to this when my 5 yo finishes school? Right now I want to rant and rave to show her how upset I am, but of course this is ridiculous and not a good way to react. Maybe ask her questions, why she done it? Any tips on how to not be reactive if I don't get a satisfactory response?

[frazzledbutcalm]

You’ll probably never get an answer as to why she did it, she’s 5, there was probably no reason. I once drew all over my sisters body in pen just after we’d had a bath - why? No idea, no reason, we just thought it was fun 🤷🏻‍♀️

My children are all grown up now so it’s easy for me to say (as you learn as you get older and wiser), but honestly, just suck it up, it’s happened and done, in the grand scheme of things it’s tiny 🤷🏻‍♀️ HOWEVER, I completely understand and I would not have been this calm in my younger days🤣

[orchardgirl4]

Thanks @frazzfrazzledbutcalm , yeah I figured this is quite normal/common, now I've reflected on it some more, I'm much more chilled now, happily. I have an idea of how I'll talk to my eldest after school. Ask some questions, then I'm going to do her hair how I used to do it, highlighting her curls and less matching her hair to other girls. Maybe a special hair clip only for when she makes the most of having her curls down. Talk her through why we don't want her to cut anyone's hair again!! 😅

[MargaretThursday]

Unless you (or others) make a huge deal about how lovely the 3yos hair is then I would be pretty certain that it wasn't done through jealousy. Most likely they were doing what 1000s of other little girls have and "playing" hairdressers.

Your 3yo must have also, barring being asleep, been at least partially compliant. Have you tried cutting someone's hair when they're running away? And if she hadn't then she'd have yelled and your dh would have heard.

What do you do:
You tell them they were naughty for taking the scissors. Both of them, because the 3yo will also have been aware they shouldn't be using them I'm sure. Talk to them how dangerous taking the scissors were, and how easy is it to have an accident. (I once nipped the top of ds' ear when he turned round suddenly in the middle of a hair cut. He was about 2yo and refused to let me near him again for a week. Unfortunately he didn't like having his hair cut so I used to let it grow long and then cut it very short, so he had chin length hair on one side and very short on the other 🤣 )
You can be "very disappointed" in them for taking them when they knew they shouldn't. I would make this the focus of your annoyance.

Treat the actual hair cutting off as very silly. Don't make too much about it, but just a bit of childish silliness. if you make too much about it, they know it's a way of winding you up, or, if there is jealousy, it could sound to your 5yo that you're upset about the 3yos hair because it's "so beautiful".

Then book them both a hair appointment (or you do it yourself) and get them both neatened up.

You can also take them to Claire's or similar and let them each choose a hair accessory and get some cheap bobbles and clips (they sometimes have a 10 for £10 offer). Tell them how fantastic they both look, and then get them playing hairdressers doing each others' hair (and yours' too if you can cope with it!) with the bobbles and clips. You can get an old spray and fill it with water for "hairspray" etc. Tell them that they can use these for playing hairdressers, but no scissors. They'll either find a lovely game to play together or get bored and not worry about doing it again.