“Gaslighting” by 7 year old

[Umbellifer]

DS is increasingly saying “That’s not what I said” or “I told you” and so on when I’m 100% sure that’s not the case. And then getting very cross when I assert that it was/he didn’t.

Do your kids do this?

The reason I’m unsure is I left his dad who was abusive, and he did a lot of gaslighting, which I have only realised in hindsight (as you often do with abuse).

I don’t know if DS is copying his dad’s behaviour (we’ve been apart six months) thinking it’s normal, or whether all kids try this at some point, as part of testing boundaries?

And whatever the reason for it, how should I react? I’m usually very calm and patient with DS (but not overly soft I don’t think), but being gaslighted by your son is REALLY unnerving, especially as due to stress my memory isn’t great and sometimes I do forget things, which I make sure to apologise for.

TIA.

My 5yo does this sometimes. It's maddening, but I don't see it as gaslighting, just a bit of run-of-the-mill pushing the boundaries. I think you have to just be very cool and calm and hold your line. Sometimes I can't help but laugh as it's so ridiculous!

Thanks Miriam that’s very helpful , I’m only twitchy about it because of the way XH behaves, which is def gaslighting, so knowing that other kids do this as standard is very reassuring!