newborn - behaviour with DH

[Susiemj]

Hi.

We've just had a lovely baby girl. I must say I think she is an easy baby, though i have nothing to compare her to!

My DH has been fantastic with her. In the early days, I had a prolonged hospital stay and was quite immobile and DH took over most of the care and comforting. ALl the midwives thought he was wonderful.

Now we're home. The baby is with me most of the time. She is settled into her own routine - not of my forcing/shaping. She feeds between 2-4 hour and then is swaddled and - for me - settles straight back to sleep again.

Our problem is that DH takes her between midnight and whenever she wakes up so i can get a few hours of kip in for the night shift. If my experience the reat of the time is anything to go by, she would sleep until 2-3. BUT my experience may not be anything to go by because with DH she will not settle, screams, cries, demands, drinks all the milk i've expressed etc.

Now DH really is good with her - I've seen him! He's getting a bit demoralised though when he sees her go straight off to sleep for me.

My question is: what is going on?

Is she:

playing him up because she knows he is not me and that he'll walk and jiggle her as she loves as he did when in hospital?

does she only want me? for husband

just happens that that is her wakeful time?

or something else?

Any ideas welcomed. Save poor DH's enthusiasm!

no way can she be playing up, she's too little!

maybe he could do something else, like bath her/do pre bed routine instead of late eve wake ups. or he can take her for walks in the pram. there are lots of things that he could do to help/feel involved. you can carry on as you are doing + dd will get used to it.

my dd can be settled beautifully by my dh but it took some time for him to develop his own way of doing it + her to get used to it.

good luck + congratulations

It sounds to me like she's got her day and night mixed up! She needs some awake times and if she's not getting them during the day she'll get them at night! Try keeping her awake more during the day and see what happens... My DS only slept for about 9 hours a day when he was little...

i didn't really mean she was playing him up deliberately. realised after i posted it could be taken that way.

i'll try keeping her more awake today.

I agree with yetihed, if she is sleeping most of the day then she is having her 'day time' during the night.
I'd try and keep her awake for a while after each feed during the day - dont swaddle her straight away and do an 'activity' with her (like lying her on a play mat with toys above to look at and encourage leg kicking etc) and then when she seems sleepy again or about an hour or so after last waking up try putting her back down again. She should soon get into the swing of day and night!

I'd guess that it's because breast feeding is much, much more to her than the milk. It's about your smell, and feel, and warmth and heartbeat. In other words, when it's dark and scary she just wants her mum.

It was just the same with His Nibs, so the deal was that I would fetch him (crib next to the bed), do changes if necessary, hand him over for feeding and then return him to the crib afterwards (if I was still awake!).

Try wearing a vest/tshirt all day then giving it to DH to use as a comforter for DD while he's 'on duty'. It'll have your milky smell on it and might help her relax a bit

put a comination of tips into practice yesterday. RESULT! better night for all. thanks!

Thanks for telling us Susiemj- i was wondering how you were doing last night at 4am when I was up for the nth time with my DS who has tummy ache!

Good for you!