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Ds (3.5) doesn't want cuddles/kisses, except when we have to separate

7 replies

Twoddle · 16/01/2008 10:01

I'm a bit concerned about ds (3.5). He is generally happy and energetic - a normal, lively little boy - but has never been particularly affectionate. I'm probably not too loveable at the moment - I'm a bit distracted and melancholic since mine and dp's separation - although ds seems to be handling it remarkably well. However, I like cuddles and it bothers me that they're not welcome most of the time. Ds says, dramatically, that they hurt (even if I'm very gentle) or tickle, etc.

However, if I have to go out somewhere, or when I drop him at pre-school, he can't get enough cuddles. He wants "one more kiss and cuddle", and another, and another. And he's always pleased to see me on reuniting. And sometimes, at bedtime when I lay down with him, he reaches across and strokes my face. But rarely, in the course of a day, is a cuddle/kiss initiated by me actually welcome. He doesn't like them! And I feel about this.

I can't decide if ds's behaviour around cuddles means he's really secure, or not very secure at all - and if I should be that bothered. I dunno. But I do feel a bit rejected.

Any thoughts? Ta.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Twoddle · 16/01/2008 10:16

Anyone?

OP posts:
coby · 16/01/2008 10:23

My DD1 who used to be incredibly affectionate is exactly the same. If I want cuddles I have to take her to nursery . She is obviously so secure that she knows she can reject cuddles when she doesn't want them and still knows I love her and will provide said cuddles even when I am in a rush to leave.

I think it is totally normal at this age and I don't think it is down to anything you have done wrong - he sounds like a typical, secure little 3 year old to me so well done!

coby · 16/01/2008 10:24

sorry, should have mentioned DD1 is 3.5 too.

Twoddle · 16/01/2008 10:28

Thanks, coby. Feels good to go with the "he's so secure" perspective! Will tell that to myself ...

OP posts:
Twoddle · 16/01/2008 11:19

Anyone else got any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
coby · 16/01/2008 16:33

clearly not!! Come on folks..what do you think??

IdrisTheDragon · 16/01/2008 16:36

My DS is 4.1 and he is and has been for a while, quite definite on when he likes to have cuddles. He gets cross if more cuddly children try and cuddle him when he doesn't want to, and also if other people do as well.

On the other hand, he is distraught if he doesn't have his night time cuddle, or if I have left the house without giving him a hug.

I think our DC have a good idea of their own selves and what is comfortable fo rthem and I think that is good .

Sorry about typos but am on train

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