Am I alone?

[Rosearered]

Hello!

I have name changed for this one, last few times I’ve felt everyone was a bit too critical and as I’ve been beating myself up enough, if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything.

So, I’m work full time in the corporate work so, long hours, DH also works long hours, although our hours are not the same, I’m suppose to be 9-5 but usually work 8-7. He works 3am until 2pm (he works with clients in another time zone). DD is 3 and we’re struggling (if you’re a parent to multiple little ones and are going to tell me I have it easy with one DD, save your breath. I’m not here to be told how inadequate I am, I’m here because I feel inadequate and am hoping there are other parents working long hours like we do and to be told I’m not alone).

When I say struggling, She is going through her usually toddler years and tantrums are plenty. Whilst on the whole I am calm and try to be understand I did scream loads at her today as I tried everything, diversion, cuddles, walking out of the room, everything. She calmed down a bit (tantrum was over wanting a lollipop at a shop when I said no as we had lollipops at home). I managed to get her out of the car after sitting in the back with her, DH said he had enough and went for a walk. She came into the house and we had ice cream and she claimed down then kicked off again, no reason. I told her I wanted to go for a walk and she could come or stay at home alone. I left, stood outside then came back in again asked her if she wanted to come or not, left again, stood outside for a minute, came back in, she said she would come, started walking down the street only for her to say she wanted to go back to get a tissue and change her shoes, I lost it and screamed at her as I had enough, I smacked her (I know it’s wrong and it’s not my usual go to punishment, usually I create space between us when I feel myself reach that level) but at this stage I had over an hour of a hostage situation. She cried and came to cuddle me so I cuddled her and asked if she wanted to come with me and she said yes. So we went and out and ended up having a lovely afternoon went to the woods nearby. Loads of laughing and fun. I still feel awful for snacking her and screaming at her. Other than leave her home alone I am not sure what more I could have done. I work long hours during the week and want to spend time with her on the weekend. I just hope I’ve not traumatised her for life (once again I do not need views from people who are going to tell me I’m an awful mother, or who don’t work 11 hour days and wish to judge me for a) not being there during the week, b) how I handed it). I honestly don’t need any replies just need to get this off my chest.

[Aria999]

You are not alone. This happens to some people occasionally but understandably they don't like to talk about it.

Occasionally I have lost it with DS when he attacks me (he's a strong and very physical kid) and pushed him back too hard. It's not ok and I am working on never doing it again.

I found this article helpful (especially the bit at the end about alternative strategies).

slate.com/human-interest/2009/02/what-to-do-when-your-kid-provokes-you-into-an-inhuman-rage.html