How do I help my 7yo to be more social with her peers? She can often come across a bit cold e.g. if a friend waves hello or good at her at school drop offs or pick ups she just tends to reply with a mundane “hi” or “bye” often not even bothering to look at the person. I know she doesn’t mean bad but it can come across a bit rude and I feel like her friends might take that she doesn’t like them, which in turn could affect how her friends see their friendship. Obviously I have tried to actively explain to her the better way of responding and she sounds like she takes it on board but then will be the same another time with another friend.
she often says she played alone at lunch because she prefers to which isn’t the end of the world and I’m pleased she has the self confidence to do her own thing rather than to follow the crowd. But I also feel it’s important to have the confidence to join a group of friends they are playing something she might want to.
I observe her in social situations and without comparing (though of course I am unintentionally) I don’t see her social skills being similar to her friends. They all run to eachother and chit chat whilst she just seems a bit lost. sometimes she might be in a group of friends all playing or chatting and then they all might go off to the next thing and she’ll end up standing there alone before she realises they’ve all gone off. She just lags a bit if that makes sense.
I often get feedback from her teachers that she’s a bright child and quite serious so her heads often deep in some kind of thought.
she can then sometimes be the opposite and be super energetic running around doing her thing so I know she has it in her, she just isn’t in tune with the when/how.
friendship wise, I wouldn’t say she’s got a “best friend” or close friend at school, she seems to float around and can happily play with a mixture of friends if she wants to. I wouldn’t really encourage clickyness or the need of having a best friend but combined with the above, I do worry whether that makes it harder for her to make friends and others to make friends with her. She tends to get on really well with the boys, (just like I was at school) and really struggles with the clicky group of girls (the popular) ones.
Having written all this I’m now wondering whether I’m over thinking it and whether I’m expecting her to fit into her social groups. Maybe I’m wrong and it’s fine to be introverted. Thinking about it, I’m in my 30s, have a handful of friends, I still often prefer my own space and would much rather spend time alone then in a group of friends (regardless of how much I love them)