disciplining a 2 year old - any ideas please, im at the end of my tether

[vnmum]

my DS has just turned 2. he is fairly bright and i know he understands quite alot. i have a 5 week old baby which i know could be a cause for some of his behaviour but he is driving me up the wall. so far he has been really loving and interested in his baby sister so im not worried about that side of things. most of the time he is really helpful but lately he's started getting really hyper especially before naptime but when i try to put him down for his nap thinking hes getting tired he just keeps getting out of bed. ive put him back the first few times saying sllep time etc then after that kept returning him without saying anything but he just keeps getting up, even before ive left the room and laughing like its a game. ive tried ignoring him when he gets up and just pottering around upstairs but again he thinks its a game. it now takes upto an hour and half to get him to sleep. all this usually coincides with DD wanting a feed etc.

also he is ignoring me when i ask him to do things or tell him not to do things which is pretty infuriating at times. he ignores me and carries on doing whatever it is even if its dangerous e.g he was going into the grill today, it wasnt on but i dont want him going into it at all, i told him firmly not to and said it was dangerous and he just laughed and did it again, i then had to shout and each time i took him away he laughed and went back.

ive tried the naughty step and timeout and he just laughs, gets up and waits for me to put him back like its a game. its even harder to do all this if DD wakes etc whil;e im trying to discipline him.

i dont want to shout at him all the time but it feels like thats what im ending up doing and its really stressing me out which in turn is not helping that i am feeling like im starting with PND again. i have come very close to losing it with him, especially when im tired and wanting to sleep when both of them are sleeping.

i dont agree with controlled crying and have tried it once out of desperation but it doesnt seem to work with him.

has anyone any suggestions on what i can try to discipline him before i go mad?

its also annoying that he responds better to his dad than me but he tends to shout earlier than i do and sounds more stern when he does but i really dont want to discipline him with any form of aggressiveness IYKWIM

Is he really tired when you try to put him for a nap? If not, maybe he would be better with a later nap or none at all.
Things like the grill, explain why not to touch it and then distract him away from it. Repeat as many times as it takes.
Naughty step - I wouldn't bother. Much better imo to stop them doing what they are doing, possibly explain things if appropriate, distract to doing something else.
He sounds like a lot of fun and to him most of it is a game. Hard work, I know, but things will change as he (and the baby) get older.

My Ds is a little younger and I don't have another child so I hope someone with more experience can give you more advice. But I did want to offer you some sympathy and some suggestions.

Rein in. He needs to know the boundaries and he needs to know they're firm and you stick to them. DS tries it on more with DH because he knows he can get away with it - could this be happening? So... you say "No, do NOT touch the grill it is dangerous. You do it again you go on the naughty step", whilst remving him from it. He does it again you take him firmly to the step, "I told you NOT to play with the grill, it is dangerous. You sit here until I say you can move". Actively ignore, getting on with things. If he gets up or laugh, take him back repeat with firmness down at his eye level. Keep repeating till he gets a full 2 minutes on the step. It will be hellish to start so you need resolve. Once he's done his 2 min ask him to come and say sorry, move on. Next time if he doesn't stop at NO, go straight to step and repeat above. Be firm and consistent.

With naps I w ould put a stair gate on his door and do the rapid return. If this eats in to the time you need to feed your DD then tough he will have to wait.

When he is good actively praise and encourage him. Show him how happy it makes you etc.

I find whenever DS starts playing up it's a cue for me to rein in and tighten the boundaries, effectively remind him who's boss whilst of course remaining loving and caring.

I hope that helps, but as I say I hope someone with experience of the same with a newborn comes along. Congratulations by the way!

The reason your lo could be getting hyper is overtiredness. If his sleep is being disrupted during the night then he is probably getting overtired. He will not be used to the noise of the baby crying which could well be disturbing him.
Another issue is that he is obviously seeking your attention as that is what he has had previously. Try getting him to help with things such as nappy changes, bathing, entertaining baby as 'the big boy' and by asking him to show baby what a big boy he is by doing xy or z. He may not show agression towards the baby but it does come across as a bit of jealousy.
Don't swap and change methods of discipline. I always use the 2 warnings and consistent time out in the hallway away from all company and toys. If he laughs try to make your voice sound more masculine and deep when saying no and give the stern look with raised eyebrows.

Another thing I used to do was when the baby was asleep I would go to bed and take the toddler with me. Most times we would both nod off. That way my toddler loved the special time and I caught up with some sleep, too.

You have my sympathy! My DD is about to turn 3 and can be quite a handful. We have used the naughty step technique - we actually make her stand in a corner - fairly successfully but it is getting less effective. What seems to work now is to take away whatever her favourite toy is at the time. This seems harsh but we always warn her first - if she doesn't comply after a count to 3 the toy will be taken away for 5 mins (or as long as required). It usually results in fairly instant compliance, but I don't know if it would work with a younger child. Be prepared for some screaming the first time you try it!
I agree that shouting is not a great way to go, as sooner or later he will start shouting back.
Finally - don't be too hard on yourself. Looking after a baby and a 2 year old is HARD WORK so you don't have to get it right all the time.
Good luck.

HI my dd is 5 months and my ds 2.5 it sounds like your ds is reacting to the new arrival - it will calm down. My ds did exactly the same thing with his naps - so (please dont shout at me!!) we went back a step and put him back in a cot. That day he had a 2 hr nap and went back to sleeping through half 7 till 8 at night. His behaviour will get worse if he is overtired. My ds still has his moments but I swear by the naughty spot - a coloured carpet tile. It might not suit you but reinstating the cot made him feel secure and as dd was in hers he felt better about things. Hope that help!!

thanks for all the suggestions. the thing im finding hard with the naughty step is the length of time it would take to get him to stay there for 2 mins when ive got my DD to see to aswell.

unfortunately the door frame is too narrow to fit a stair gate on his bedroom door so thats a no no.

i thought his hyper behaviour was down to overtiredness thats why ive been trying to get him to bed when he starts but then the problems start. before DDs arrival he used to nap for 2 to 3 hours and then sleep through for 11 hours at night but since her arrival he only naps for an hour and a half and if hes late going to sleep coz hes messed around i have to wake him if it gets too late so as not to affect his nighttime, and when i wake him hes not happy.

thinking about it he is waking a few times in the night so that could explain the overtiredness. he did seem to be more hyper after nursery or toddler groups so i thought he was getting over excited from being with other kids.

DS has never slept in a cot as we co slept so returning him to one isnt an option. hes been in his own bed and room since he was 18 mo and hasnt wanted to co sleep since then.

i do try and get him involved with helping with the baby etc and am bigging up the big boy things.

i will try some of the suggestions that i can and maybe reside myself to riding it out until he has adjusted to DD