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She does 'nothing' at school arghhh!!!!!

26 replies

kbaby · 14/01/2008 21:14

This is really annoying me. Are all children like this??

DD is 3.5 and everyday I ask what she did at nursery school and she says 'nothing' I ask did you do singing, painting, writing or play with xyz and she just says no.

If the teacher has told me they have done something and I ask her if she did it again she says no she didnt do it.

How long will this phase last, im interested to hear what shes been doing at school.

Anyone know why she wont tell me.

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whoops · 14/01/2008 21:16

both my dd & ds say they did nothing at school & nursery, how about asking them what the best and worst part of the day was?
(I think i picked that idea up from here once!)

Twiglett · 14/01/2008 21:17

yes normal

DS still says it in Year 2 ..

RTKangaMummy · 14/01/2008 21:17

She probably won't tell you for years and years to come

Start with drink time and work forward

It will give her a starting point

Good luck

Hulababy · 14/01/2008 21:19

DD and her friedns are in Y1 and they have generally "done nothing", "can't remember" pr "bot sure" when questioned about theuir school day or school dinners

My trick is to ask DD to tell me 3 things hat she enjoyed at school today - it tends to bring out at least 1 thing if nothing else

S1ur · 14/01/2008 21:19

I think this is the traditional response foreverrrrrr

Don't let it annoy you, not worth it. LOs find it hard to remember their day anyway plus she might not want o recount it she might rather talk about things that are immediate...

Course if want to you could always say.... "Oh didn't you do anything? Well I joined the circus, rode an elephant but fall off and landed on a clown so they sent me home!"

I sometimes play this game with my dd who then tries to make up some ridiculous adventure sh's had! It just nice to chat in the end I have other ways of finding out the truth if I need to

RTKangaMummy · 14/01/2008 21:21

It is too long for her to remember

DS told me because I start with lunch and work around that {when he was in primary school}

Now he is year 8 we go through his timetable lesson by lesson BUT he is alot more talkative

stealthsquiggle · 14/01/2008 21:24

IME Reception/Y1 boys mostly say "can't remember" and girls say "not going to tell you"

I agree with Hulababy - if I ask "what was your best thing?" and/or "what was your worst thing?" I am much more likely to get an answer other than "nothing" or "can't remember".

nooka · 14/01/2008 21:24

I do the best thing/worst thing or anything that made you laugh/sad approach, but watch out for not actually hearing about the truth! dd used aways to tell me she'd been to the shops with her nanny and I got slightly concerned, only to hear her say the same to dh when we had several interesting trips (and no shops) when I had a day off with her.

Nappyzone · 14/01/2008 21:28

std response from my dd and it riles me when she cant remember what she had for lunch - i have accepted this response now! sometimes i say im not going to tell her what i did today and she begs me to tell her so i swap a bitof info - she has to be in a good mood for this to work though! is all good fun!

kbaby · 14/01/2008 21:34

Maybe ill have to try the favorite part of the day, although I did that once about a holiday we had had and she told me it was the bus ride from the airport. Couldve saved me a whole lot of money if i'd known that before booking.

I just think it would be nice to hear her interpretation of her day, even ive been playing with my friends or I had milk would be something.

Our friend took her baby in to be bathed last week and she said dd had helped. When I asked DD if she enjoyed it she said they werent there!

OP posts:
SlightlyMadShrek · 14/01/2008 21:36

Its normal, but we found a cunning ploy...

ask her to tell her baby sibling/toy doll/teddy about her day.....then try shutting her up!!!

cherryredretrochick · 14/01/2008 21:41

My dd and her best friend both do this, I think they like being grown up enough to have their own time. I also have friends dd round some times and she says the same to her mum when picked up. All part of gaining independence I think.

cat64 · 14/01/2008 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stealthsquiggle · 14/01/2008 22:15

Same approach works for lunch with DS - "what was your best thing?" "what did you have seconds of?" (no point asking what he didn't like - it would be a seriously short list)

mm22bys · 15/01/2008 17:23

Completely normal.

I was worried too when DS1 (also 3.5) started saying that, but after going to a talk by the principal, I realised it is actually completely normal (I found from other parents that their dcs were saying they do "nothing" too). She is probably doing so much she doesn't know where to start with telling you what she's done.

I was a bit embarrassed when the teacher told me they had "circle time" where they had to tell the class what they did one weekend, and DS1 told the class he had pressed the play button to watch a dvd. very - this was a weekend he went shopping with me, bought a balloon, cake and presents for DS2's birthday, had a birthday "party" for DS2, and went to the park!

But I would do exactly the same to my mum (she would ask me and I would say "nothing") so I guess I am getting my own back!

goingfor3 · 15/01/2008 17:30

DD1 is like this, if I ask she tells me she did nothing. If I don't ask her then she tends to tell me. DD2 on the other hand tells me everything including who went to the toilet!

binkleandflip · 15/01/2008 17:33

A really good approach is to says "Lets tell eah other about our days, I'll start!!" So you talk her through your day - however trivial it maybe - putting the washing in, having a cup of tea or whatever - then ask her about her day - I found my dd really opened up when I shared a conversation with her as opposed to grilling her

Dynamicnanny · 15/01/2008 18:34

I love these phoems

When I'm building in the block room,
Please don't say I'm "Just playing."
For, you see, I'm learning as I play,
About balance, I may be an architect someday.

When I'm getting all dressed up,
Setting the table, caring for the babies,
Don't get the idea I'm "Just Playing."
I may be a mother or a father someday.

When you see me up to my elbows in paint,
Or standing at an easel, or molding and shaping clay,
Please don't let me hear you say, "He is Just Playing."
For, you see, I'm learning as I play.
I just might be a teacher someday.

When you see me engrossed in a puzzle
Or some "playing" at my school,
Please don't feel the time is wasted in "play."
For you see, I'm learning as I play.
I'm learning to solve problems and concentrate.
I may be in business someday.

When you see me cooking or tasting foods,
Please don't think that because I enjoy it, it is "Just Play."
I'm learning to follow directions and see the differences.
I may be a cook someday.

When you see me learning to skip, hop, run, and move my body,
Please don't say I'm "Just Playing."
For, you see, I'm learning as I play.
I'm learning how my body works.
I may be a doctor, nurse, or athlete someday.

When you ask me what I've done at school today,
And I say, "I just played."
Please don't misunderstand me.
For, you see, I'm learning as I play.
I'm learning to enjoy and be successful in my work.
I'm preparing for tomorrow.
Today, I am a child and my work is play.

Mum: What did you do at playgroup today?

Child: Well, I sat at the dough table and rolled the dough in my hands. Lucy
said hers was a snake, but mine was a worm. The lady talked about
long ones and short ones and medium sized ones, and Sarah rolled her
dough so long it went right over the edge of the table.
(And no one said, ??What are you going to make? A cake would be
nice.??)

Mum: Yes, but then what did you do?

Child: I played on the trampoline and I can bounce really high.

Mum: Yes, but did you do anything today

Child: Sarah and me went to the paint table. It was lovely, all gooey and
slippery in our hands. We made lots of patterns with our fingers and
elbows. Sarah had yellow paint and I had red and mummy, do you
know what? If you mix red and yellow paint together it goes
ORANGE.....
(And no one said, ??What a mess you?ve made??!)
Mum: Yes, but what else have you done?

Child: I put on a wig and hat and pretended to be a grown-up lady.
And then did you DO anything?
At milk time I GAVE THE APPLES OUT and I didn?t drop any.

Mum: BUT did you do anything today?

Child: Sarah and me played in the sand and we had a race to see who could
make the sand wheel go the quickest.

Mum: And then what did you do?

Child: We sang some songs and then I was tired and wanted you, mummy.
The lady sat me down on her lap and gave me a cuddle while she read
the story. It was about a caterpillar. Do you know, mummy, that
caterpillars change into beautiful butterflies?

Mum: So, did you do anything today?
Child: Yes. When the lady said, ??It?s time to tidy up,?? I quickly painted you a
picture ?cos I knew you?d say.....
??WHAT DID YOU DO AT PLAYGROUP TODAY???

Oh what a busy morning I?ve been playing with the dough
And with a little help, upon a card I learned to sew.
I helped a friend ?Nurse Sarah? to perform an operation,
Then fixed the track together for my train and built a station.
I popped inside the house to make a cup of tea,
And stood beside the cooker making lunch for twenty three.
I completed three whole jigsaws and played a new board game,
And had a turn on all the bikes, the slide and the climbing frame.
I handed round the fruit at milk and snack time,
Then listened to a story and sang a nursery rhyme.
But now the mornings over and the mummies are all waiting,
I hope my mummy doesn?t say
?I WISH YOU?D DONE A PAINTING?

Niecie · 15/01/2008 18:41

Both my boys say either 'nothing' or 'can't remember'. I also ask what the best thing they did was and it gets a response even if it was just 'lunch'.

I can remember as a child not being interested in talking about my day until much later, after I had been home a while. It was like I needed time to mull it over and have a break from it. You could try talking about it later.

It is the sad thing though, about them starting school/nursery, that you don't know what they have been doing any more. Should imagine it is a blessing when they are teenagers though.

ArmadilloDaMan · 15/01/2008 18:41

ds denies doing anything at pre-school.

He denies that there are any other children there.

He has started to deny even going there

I reckons it's like fight club - the first thing about school/nursery/pre-school is you don't talk about school/nursery/pre-school.

Talking to one of the women at ds preschool - she said it is a bit disheartening when they've spent ages organising activities, having fun and then they hear the kids, when asked what they have done, say 'nothing' or 'I can't remember'.

colditz · 15/01/2008 18:43

Ds1 doesn't play with anyone, he just stands by himself. He never does any work, or painting, and he doesn't talk to anyone in the class room. He sits on the carpet, and doesn't even have lunch.

So where all the paint and food on his jumper comes from is a complete mystery.

Buda · 15/01/2008 18:50

DS does "stuff". Every day.

Plays football though. Get a blow by blow account of that!

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2008 18:57

I would pick my dd up from nursery and say " oh shall we go home and have lunch and you can tell me what you have been doing if you want 0 but not till after lunch, unless you really want to tell me now all about your morning, this did the trick.

I then always seemed to get all the run down on what had been happening including juicy gossip about other children!

Whereas if I just asked her straight out I would get "nothing"

mimsum · 15/01/2008 19:08

in nursery dd would say 'everything' when asked what she'd played with same effect just different approach ...

edam · 15/01/2008 19:16

their memory is different to an adult's. Although I can't quite remember how it works. It's not linear, anyway. Stuff that is important to us is not important to them.

Agree best thing/worst thing is handy, often draws ds out. He's more likely to tell me things unprompted when we are doing something else such as having a bath. Or at bedtime, just as I'm closing the door (anything to delay going to sleep)...