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Understanding shaming

3 replies

drumstix26 · 12/06/2022 16:11

Hello ,
I'm a father of 2 girls
My current partner has a 5 year old whom has been brought up by mum , my partner is bringing her up super but I feel that some areas are alien to me ! , she is 5 going on 60 and has been socially brought up around older people and you can see this in her communication skills she comes across older then she is. But still has a terrible attitude to answering back and I feel she thinks she's an equal/adult.
She had started whining and making the same repeated noise that of a toddler frustrated. I have respected my partners wishes to use same tactics as she does, I had said not to make noise like a baby as your a big girl! In context this was said as in making what I presume was a descriptive comment with a positive ending.
As you can guess to me making this post that my partner got up set and shaming her was not the way. I will not lie to anyone in trying to do my best in helping a child become a wonderful person, personally I feel lost to the fact that what I understand from being brought up and bringing up my daughters to now I'm not able to teach right from wrong and not using the terms needed to teach.
Any help would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
themonkeysnuts · 18/06/2022 15:16

in our nursery we have children do this, or scream and point
we say "use your words" "i dont understand whining show/tell me what is wrong/what you want"

PritiPatelsMaker · 18/06/2022 16:58

If mine whined I would say "you're being like a baby". Not because I thought of the shaming aspect I simply ignored or asked them to "use your words please" because that's exactly what I wanted them to do.

Mummyof287 · 20/06/2022 20:56

Your partner is probably saying that because she's seeing the cause behind the behaviour. Whining is not babyish at 5 years old (babies don't have the language to whine anyway) its just a way young children communicate unmet needs, not feeling heard and disconnections with us adults (albeit a bloody infuriating way at times!) So telling her not to be a baby and be a big girl isn't really appropriate to the situation.But it's great you are able to reflect on your actions though!

You may find this helpful;
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj1jZMqv4Jg

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