Late potty training - make me feel better!

[aloha]

ds was three in Sept, and there is no sign of success re potty training so far. He cannot/will not EVER tell us if he needs to wee or poo. So if we don't spot the signs (no signs at all for weeing) then we miss the boat. The occupational therapist told us she thinks it may be sensory - ie he really doesn't feel it as much as other kids - but sometimes, if left nappyless with the potty nearby, he will wee and poo in the potty. He's uncoordinated so can't take off his trousers or nappy without a huge amount of effort and time - so he wouldn't have time to do this and get to the loo/potty on time. If put in pants he just wees in them and it doesn' t bother him. Now, I'm not panicking and am trying to be totally relaxed about this, but would love to hear inspiring stories of boys like mine who suddenly got it - and not in the dim and distant future either!

God, 3 is nothing ds was 3.5. When we went for it, it took about a week and he was clean and dry in the day. By 4 he was dry by night. I never thought he would do it, but he did it with no fuss at all!

Ds1 was 4yrs 2mths when he finally managed it. I would have bet huge amounts of money on him still being in nappies all day forever more. In the end he managed it within a week of being given a potty-training social story. He's still in nappies at night and has had a couple of accidents but less than some children who have been dry for over 2 years.

DS1 is 3 and 4 months, he has been potty trained ( laugh ) since he was about 2 and 3 quarters BUT now pottys are too small so he stands and pees in toilet which he can handle.

But he never tells me when he needs to go to the toilet, I just march him to the toilet. He doesn't mind wet pants. At the moment I am happy with this, initially he kicked up such a fuss a bout going to the toilet. And as for poos, forget it - he deals with the problem by normally pooing in his night time nappy. Then of course there are sometimes suprises in his pants.

Where I lives in the USA, 3 was the normal age to start introducing the idea of the potty, and a lot of kids don't sort out the pooing part until well close to 4. It is totally normal there, and called child lead potty learning. I was felt bad when I came here and realized children much younger then my then almost 3 year old were potty trained! But I have to say with both my girls, they made the switch quickly and easily once they decided that they were ready to do it.

My ds must have been 3 1/2 before he could manage it with any regularity and like your ds didn't mind sitting in wet clothes. He is 4 1/4 now and still sometimes has accidents at night. Good luck but don't stress about it - it will happen eventually.

Thanks for this thread, aloha. It's good to hear from other people whose kids potty trained after 3 yrs, and interesting to hear that the approach is different where august24 comes from.

Ds1 is 2 3/4 now and I think he's had too much stress in his little life recently (new baby, moving house twice and changing nurseries twice) so I haven't tried to potty train him. I know other kids his age whose parents have tried several times and I'd far rather leave it until he wants to and then do it in a week or so.

Unfortunately 'well meaning' people at his old nursery have tried to get him started without my permission, which I think is a bit much given that I am his mum, after all.

My ds is 3.5 and manages the weeing bit standing up (copies dad!). As for pooing, mostly done in pants, but then uses his hand to take it out of pants and put in toilet ! Anyone ever had this before ?

joshy, thats disgusting! i dont think i could cope with that.....
ds2 turned 3 end of june, and was starting nursery in septemebr, they said they would not take him if in nappies....... managedto get him trained in about a week during august. but havent even tried night time yet.
dont stress. either ignore it completely, or make him go cold turkey. so no pants or trousers, and march to the toilet every hour or half hour or so for a week or so. it might work. if it doesnt, leave it for another month or so.

my ds1 wasnt dry at night till five and a half. apparently it is not considered a clinical problem till after the age of seven. even then, they wont do anything drastic. so night time dryness should not be an issue at all
thats my two cents worth
good luck

Please don't worry, AlohaI was beginning to think there was something wrong with my DS because he was well past 3 when he even began to show an interest in the potty, let alone tell us if he needed a weehe wouldn't even try on his Bob the Builder 'knickers'. But when he was about 3 and 3 months he was in Woolworths and saw some Bob the Builder undies just like the ones he had at home. And suddenly, he was open to the idea of using them, even if it meant weeing in the potty (or on trees!) He was adamant he didn't want to use the same potty as the others (girls) at the childminder's house, so I bought him one just for him to use and he proudly carried it all the way up the high st to her house!
Poo, however, is going to take ages to sort out--he still mostly does it in the pants (although, thankfully, not using his hand to scoop it out) although when the mood takes him, he will poo in the potty or sitting on his loo seat. Bribes, etc, totally didn't work and in fact have made him feel that pooing in the 'right place' is something to do when he feels like pleasing mummy and daddy rather than for himself. So we have backed off and just continue to calmly remind him where the 'right place' is.
Word of warning, if yours ends up pooing his pants, DO NOT do as I did and lose your grip on said pants whilst rinsing the poo off in flushing loo!

Ds went from not being dry and seemingly clueless at 2 years and 11 months to being dry and reliable at 3. Just a month from start to finish and the readiness appeared overnight. I know your ds is a little older but I hope this helps Aloha. I fretted myself rigid about it at the time.

Thank heavens we're not alone!! DS1 was 3 in October and has zilch interest - we have tried since then and after a weekend of bribes and a toy for him, he completely lost interest so I've put the potty away meantime. But I do feel as though people are thinking why on earth is that boy still in nappies!

Just got back to this. It is nice to see other little boys are also uninterested in using the loo/potty. I suppose part of me is horrified by the thought of being housebound with a not-yet-housetrained three year old for a week! Also, he has the knack of weeing or pooing the minute you leave the room....ie to go to the loo yourself! I really do think he is not ready, but of course, I would prefer he was, but children don't work like that, do they?
Said to dh last night, I think he'll be reading before he's out of nappies...

aloha I've never understood this thing about being 'housebound' while potty training. We went out as normal from day 1 of training - my ds1 is just not the kind of child you can keep in the house all day - and it worked fine. But then I didn't try nappies off until I knew he was happy using not only a potty but also a big toilet. And of course with boys its a bit easier just to whip it out and do it anywhere

Just thought I'd let you know that its possible to do it without getting stir crazy!

If I tried it now I think I'd need about ten sets of clean clothes! Ho hum.

My ds was 3.5 before I was able to potty train him, well before he did it himself! And within 2 months he was dry day and night. I really believe it is so much better to wait till they are ready, and it will be much easier.

Dd is 26mths, and I thought I would be able to get her trained really early, but only a couple of signs so far, and not interested in doing anything on the potty. Dh keeps trying to push it, which really winds me up, as I know this is doing more harm than good, so we will wait for as long as it takes!

aloha, just a quick idea, nothing to do with age. my mum kickstarted dd's pottytraining during a weekend visit. her technique was just to stick dd on the potty at v regular intervals throughout the day, every 20-30 mins or so at first, and RIGHT after meals, just before trips/naps etc. we kept her on it with cbbs and stories, and before long, most of the time, she would produce something, which we'd then get very excited about, star charts etc, which pleased dd/helped reinforce the idea.

so to start with, it wasn't a matter of us spotting the signs, and she certainly wasn't up to telling us she wanted to go or removing her own clothes: rather, it was a matter of us catching it, and her getting used to the sensation gradually.

We did try this Bakedpotato....but ds lost all interest very quickly, even in chocolate button rewards. I know it works for lots of kids, but ds really isn't that motivated by rewards, it seems. And the minute he was alone there was a puddle on the floor! It's very had to find the balance sometimes between encouraging and pushing, don't you find?

but can you hold his attention while he's on it? will a book or telly make him stay still?

Aloha - I think you are right to wait until he seems more ready. My ds was dry at nursery at 2.5 and was coming home with dry pull ups - i think the nursery routine of taking them all to the loo a lot meant he could manage it there also he loved using the little toilets and there was peer pressure too. But I suspect he just wasn't able to 'feel' himself when he wanted to go at home he found it all a lot more difficult at home and if we put him in pants we inevitably had accidents. I was desperate to delay potty training but felt under pressure from nursery really (not that they said anything I just felt he managed there so why not at home) and I ended up trying to do potty training with a newborn to cope with too - he always wanted a wee as soon as I started feeding my dd. Very stressfull!

We finally only cracked it at home when he was 2.11. I read somewhere that boys have to have a certain level of hormone to control their bladders and if they haven't got it they won't be able to do it, however many rewards you give them!

bakedpotato, that's sort of what we did, although without taking the nappies off at other times. so for many months ds1 was used to sitting on the potty after mealtimes (we read lots of books to him, he loves that - in fact he still asks for a book on the toilet now ) I thought this was the normal way to get them used to the potty but I am surprised to find that most people don't do this - to me, the idea of suddenly taking off their nappies and expecting them to learn everything all at once seems an awful lot to expect. Ds1 was certainly willing to sit (for ages!), and usually produce, for many months before he was physiologically capable of controlling his wees.
For me, separating out learning how to use the potty and toilet from learning how to do without nappies (much more stressful!) really helped.

btw I do agree that there is no point in trying to do without nappies before they are ready. I think my early training was like puddles ds at nursery - just about timing rather than control - but we could just about get away with it as he did have enough capacity to go for 1-2 hours without needing a wee.
They can however learn to use a potty before they are ready for nappies off - and we found it almost eliminated pooey nappies, which has got to be a plus!

Bakedpotato, sometimes he is happy to sit on it, sometimes not (he'll cry and get upset and even cbeebies, a story and chocolate won't help! Yikes!). But even if he is sitting on it regularly, he is just as likely to get up and wee on the floor, almost as if he is oblivious to it. Yes, I know, he's not ready!

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Aloha, how does he respond to peer pressure / interest in other kids? My dd's very keen to do what she sees other kids do and get praise for, the rampant egoist that she is . Would it help for your Ds to spend time around another little boy who's wearing pants and using a toilet / potty?

To be honest, ds has a motor planning difficulty and delay so getting steps out, climbing them, turning round, sitting on the loo and removing his clothes would be utterly beyond him (at least unless he had half an hour or so...), even if he was motivated. Also I think he genuinely doesn't feel the need to wee or sensation of weeing as strongly as others...so I suspect it is a question of waiting it out. Ho hum.