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Behaviour/development

5 week old has me at point of despair

3 replies

MatronicO6 · 30/05/2022 16:52

We welcomed our beautiful DD 5 weeks ago but I am completely overwhelmed by how challenging it has been.

To list some of the things we are experiencing
1: during the day she wants to feed constantly, some points every half hour. She can last 2-3 hours during night but this break between feeds never happens during day

  1. She regularly fusses and gets upset at breast which I have assumed is lack of milk as she feeds so much. I was worried about low supply but she is gaining weight well, has enough dirty/wet nappies
  2. Struggles to sleep during the day, as said if she is constantly breastfeeding she doesn't have a lot of time to sleep and seems to rely on nursing to sleep. When we try to take her off she begins crying to the point of roaring until she goes back on. pretty sure she is overtired most of the time.
  3. Refuses to be put down, it doesn't matter how tired, drowsy, asleep she is or how swaddled. As soon as she is out down, without fail she will be wide awake in 5 mins and cry until picked up, she has also refused 3 different dummies to help settle
  4. She also seems to hate the pram and the wrap and cries immediately or may last 15/20 mins before starting


Feel like I spend my days glued to the sofa trying to get her to eat calmly, sleep or spacing out the feed and it is really starting to affect my mood. Feel like I can't do anything, even going to the toilet is a mission. I literally dread leaving the house for things like appointments as no matter how long I feed her for beforehand she will be roaring in the pram within 5 mins.

I just don't think I can do this for much longer, thinking of giving up breastfeeding for bottle feeding as it all seems to stem from her seemingly insatiable hunger.

Has anyone been through this? Any advice/suggestions?
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TBC45678 · 30/05/2022 19:02

Sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed @MatronicO6 . It's such a crazy crazy time, nothing can prepare you.

This sounds exactly like my first son. Wouldn't be put down, fed every hour for an hour during the day, apart from he wasn't gaining weight, so we were referred for a tongue tie assessment and he did have one, which was snipped at 7 weeks. By 8/9 weeks things were much calmer and he could go 1hr30/2hrs between feeds and was much more settled. I know some babies still gain weight with a tongue tie, so it's worth asking for an assessment? Your hospital should have a tongue tie clinic which your midwife/HV could refer you to.

At 5 weeks I felt very similar to you, I was crying all the time and felt I just wasn't enjoying having a baby. I used to cry when my partner brought him to me because he was hungry again. I ended up feeding him on one boob, pumping the other whilst he fed and then topping him up until he was full, while we waited for the tongue tie to be dealt with.

Anyway, just to say it does get better, I promise!! Part of me thinks that my son would have just calmed down by about 2 months anyway, but who knows. I would say give it another couple of weeks as I do think they chill out by 2/3 months old.

And if you do decide to stop breastfeeding there is absolutely no shame in that at all! With my second baby (who's now 6 months) we did a bottle of formula every night from about 3 weeks and it has worked really well. Gives you a little bit of down time/extra sleep in the evening. He still has it now.

Sending lots of good thoughts - this will be a distant memory soon!

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TBC45678 · 30/05/2022 19:05

Also, do persevere with the sling. It takes them a little while to get used to it, my second baby used to scream blue murder when I put him in it, but after a few weeks he was happy in there and it can really help you get things done.

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AliceW89 · 30/05/2022 20:43

Yes. Mine was exactly like this, to the letter. 99% of it was his temperament (the innate ‘personality’ a baby is born with). We also had a tongue tie snipped at about 6 weeks. It made the feeds a little quicker but he just upped how often he wanted them. He was born extremely alert (he was out of the newborn ‘sleepy’ phase by about 48h old - by day 3 his natural state was awake as opposed to asleep) but just couldn’t cope with how much stimulation he was taking in. We’ve subsequently realised that even the sensation of being put into and walked about in the sling was too overwhelming. He needed so much external input (breastfeeding, rocking, not being put down) to calm down - self soothing was definitely not a thing.

Babies like this equate breastfeeding with comfort and safety hence want to do it permanently to try and decrease the massive sensory input they are taking in from the outside world. I would hazard a guess your breast milk is completely fine. It’s not the breastfeeding that’s causing this, it’s that breastfeeding is the only way she knows to soothe herself so she wants to do it all the time. If she’s anything like my DS she’ll massively plow through the centiles - he was born on the 9th and by 6 months was on the 99th.

DS has just turned 2 now. Still haven’t found his off switch and he’s still a bit prone to getting overstimulated. He is however affectionate, independent and very bright (speaks in pretty complex sentences, can name about 10 different makes of cars at a glance, nursery have said he’s picking up the concept of putting letters together to make words). I still wouldn’t repeat his newborn period though for anything, even if he does turn out to be very bright in the long run, as it very nearly killed me.

My only advice is persevere with one form of transport so you can get out (we went for the sling and by about 9 or 10 weeks he just about tolerated being awake in it for half an hour or so) You also don’t have to continue breastfeeding if you don’t want to of course. Your mental health matters.

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