ds nearly 3 tells me what i should and shouldn't do...

[mamalala]

hmmm... just wondering how you all deal with this type of thing. sorry this is a huge post.

ds is actually very good and affectionate, loves other kids, laughs, plays & sings a lot and is helpful in his nearly 3 yr old way, & starts pre school on monday.

here's the thing- ds frequently suddenly bursts out in a near tantrum having decided that i have just committed some major act of treason by sitting/not sitting on the settee next to him/not coming to see him straight away if he's called me from another room, moving a toy slightly to the right or left of where i'm sitting/placing anything like for example his duvet in the "wrong" place, passing him a toy that's just out of his reach when he felt he could reach it himself... the list goes on.

it's as if he has all these preconceived rules in his head. He also corrects my mistakes a lot, which is suppose i just have to live with.

i either try to ignore it, or replace the offending item if he seems genuinely disturbed, and i usually keep calm and tell him to be polite- but the tone of voice he uses is quite foreign to my ears! i know we don't speak like that to him or to eachother- but it's wearing.

i've heard and observed dh talk to him seriously but calmly when he's been in trouble and then ds reports to me that daddy shouted "NO!" and hit him-! and vice versa. could it be that he hears a "shout" simply because of a different tone of voice? or is he really telling porky pies already? how do you deal with them?

i'm 28 weeks pregnant and Dh is away for 2 1/2 weeks, so maybe it's extra testing of the mum to see how far he can go?

i don't know where he gets the idea that he can tell his mum what she should and shouldn't have done- "you shouldn't have done that/touched me/turned around because i was just about to xyz"

i've explained that i don't know what he wants unless he tells me first and that daddy & i are the bosses so we must do what we think is best...

also in the bathroom, he'll flop around so i have to support him when he's standing to clean teeth etc- every time we're in there we go through the same thing of how the tiles in the bathroom are too hard etc and he could fall and hurt himself and i can't support him properly and WILL HE PLEASE STOP MUCKING AROUND... i get a bit panicky about it actually since last yr i fainted in the bathroom and gashed my nose- 3 stitches- on the tiles.

tonight i felt so weary i got cross with him and then burst into tears when i was supposed to be telling him his bedtime story and he sweetly asked, mama, why are you sad?

anyone else's children play up expressly when they are on the phone even for a short time? had to hang up on 2 calls tonight since i couldn't hear the other person and there are no locks on the doors in our flat, so nowhere to escape to!

some of the time it's more than a bit testing... and dh thinks i've got the easy job! anyone else?!

ooo that feels better just ranting. xx to you girls

My ds (3.3) is like this.

I think it's because this is what he hears us doing, so he copies.

Also he's a bossy little so and so.

They're quite obsessive at this age and like everything just so.

Ds is not too bad when I'm on the phone, but if I'm trying to talk to someone else in eprson he can get really jealous and try to cover my mouth or turn my head away or other distracting tactics.

It's fun isn't it

Ds is 3.2 and we are getting nagged/told off/shouted at a lot at the moment. I think they have found their voices and are testing, testing, testing. He will soon learn what you do and don't respond to and what will have an effect. I spend a lot of time firmly explaining why something needs to happen and then moving on to the next thing. Distraction still works well.

Is it something about 3 year olds?! My dd has a lot of these characteristics. She's really quite bossy and is constantly telling us how we're doing things wrong etc. I am 38 weeks pg - not sure if impending big-sisterhood has brought this on or if it's an age thing. It's bloody annoying though!!

This whole post sounds so familiar. My DS is nearly 7 now, and still behaves like this on a regular basis, including getting violent and screaming for simply being told not to do something. I had very little experience with other children prior to having him, and worked part-time 'til he was nearly 4 (am now SAHM), so I don't think I realised most kids are not all like this so much of the time. Most people I discuss it with say things like "they all have their moments" but DS has frequent days when its just one long moment. That said, he behaves fine at school and is described as "very able" (not a genius but in top set for everything). He seems to have a mind set that I should know what he is htinking and needing at all times, and should give him 100% attention when he demands it.

Completely normal behaviour, just annoying asserting his independence and testing boundries. You are doing the right thing. I say 'ok, if you don't want help thats fine, just say, don't tantrum about it'. Also, 'I decide what I can and cannot do because I am the adult, when you are bigger you can have your own rules'.( with 4yo mindee) If tantrums persist I use a warning of if you do not stop doing x then you will sit in the hallway on your own. After the second warning and appropriate tone/ stern look I remove dd into hallway. She is expected to say sorry after I have re explained why I put her there( only 2 this week)

Not normal for 7 year old though. Something I have noticed is my DS usually gets like this when he needs a poo. So know we have sticker charts for if he just goes and does it without getting *rsy first. No tmeaning to go on about my problems, just a warning you need to get it clear who is in charge before they start "ruling the roost" and in effect bullying you.

ah, thank you everyone that's much better- i'm so grateful for this forum. will stay boss as calmly as possible despite whatever maelstrom is going on!

It is all utterly normal, utterly wearing, and yes, children do come and say "So-and-so hit me!" just to see the look on your face.

You can explain until you are blue in the face about how you and daddy are the boss - this isn't about who is the boss - he knows you are the boss, that's why he feels safe enough to "push his luck".

He'll do it until he's about four, then he will argue with everthing you say, and use ever more subtle ways to garner your full attention at all times.

I had the same with dd and had everyone 'helpfully' saying 'ooooh, i'd stop that before she thinks she's queen of the house' but, being a fairly liberal type, I was very laid-back about it, mainly because I could see how frustrated she was because she was trying desperately to assert a bit of independence and was finding it hard. If I could, I'd do things the way she wanted, and if she got stroppy that I hadn't done something in her way just say "I'm very sorry, that was the way mummy thought was best". Sounds like a load of claptrap I know but was one of those instinct things. Anything that was really worth putting my foot down on I did and was very definite with her about it, picking my battles and all that.

When she was about four she really calmed down about it and settled into the fact that some things she can do her way, some things she's seen are best done mummy's way and some things she HAS to do my way and seemed happier that she'd worked out 'where she stood' (yuck, that sounds like a self-help book!)

In the end you know your ds best, its down to whether you think he's trying to work out his independence or just playing up. But yes it does get wearing at times and you DON'T have the easy job