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Some advice need re my 4 year old throwing tantrums at 6pm

20 replies

singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:37

Hi there. Just in the last week my 4 yo has started throwing major tantrums at 6pm. She started saying it was because she didnt like what her dad put on the telly at that time(which was something we watched as a family for a long time), then she claimed she didnt like a soft play we had been at 2 weeks before it, then it was tom and jerry she didnt like and today it was that she had no friends at nursery and she didnt like Futurama. WTF is going on with her. I dont know how to deal with this at all. She takes herself to her bedroom and screams for as long as she is up there. She isnt interested in disctraction, doesnt have a genuine reason for it, doesnt want cuddles, just wants to shut herself in her room. Seriously WTF is going on and how do I deal with it???? SOrry long one I know.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:38

bump

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Misdee · 12/01/2008 18:39

try putting her to bed earlier, or starting the bedtime routine earlier.
has shde recently started school?

clayre · 12/01/2008 18:40

is she tired? a tantrum after tea for my dd who is means bath and bed!

clayre · 12/01/2008 18:41

oopsie meant to say who is 4

singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:42

Yeah last night she informed us she needed her bed and went up alone at 530 by 5.45 she was asleep . She claims to be tired tonight but has been in her room for an hour without sleeping.

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singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:43

She hasnt started school but my gran died on 2nd Jan. Dont think this has anything to do with it do you. Have outright asked her about it and she says that is not her problem.

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notjustmom · 12/01/2008 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JingleyJen · 12/01/2008 18:45

sounds like she is tired.
DS1 gets like this he seems to change his mind daily about things that he likes and doesn't like and because he didn't have hotchocolate last night (treat instead of milk from time to time) he says he Hates hot chocolate and is never having it again not even if we made him.

What time does she normally go to bed ? Is she at full time school? is it likely that an early night could do the trick?

Good luck!! and remember that whatever works today may not work tomorrow! (sadly)

Misdee · 12/01/2008 18:45

could be her gran, poor love, lots of emotions at that age and they just dont know if they feel happy/sad/angry a lot of the time.

i would try and put her to bed earlier for a wee while untill the tantrums stop.

singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:47

The thing is that she wont go to bed easily if her sister is still up. I might try just now giving her some warm milk and some stories and see what happens. It is just so frustrating that she cant actually tell me what her problem is, she is an excellent talker she just doesnt seem to know what the problem is.

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clayre · 12/01/2008 18:47

i dont know, my dd is sometimes 4 going on 15 and i just ignore her when she has those moments but we've not had to deal with anyone close dying, so i dont know

Shitemum · 12/01/2008 18:47

Sounds like meltdown. What time does she eat?Does she get a snack a couple of hours earlier?
Maybe a physical/intellectual growth spurt?
I would second tightening up the routine.
TV always puts my DD1 (4.4yo) in a bad mood.

notjustmom · 12/01/2008 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:49

They dont actually get the tv on until 6pm ish so they used to love it. She would always enjoy watching the telly with the family. Dont know that it is particularly the tv that is the problem.

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singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:51

notjustmum, I have thought it was about that but it has been going on for a week now and I have asked her if she feels sad about anything (like Nana dying) and she says no. She just keeps changing her mind about what is wrong. I think it is an attention thing but I cant for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong that would mean she feels short of attention. Maybe I just need to up the cuddles and change bedtime for a week or so and see what happens. (bedtime for a week not cuddles)

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Twiglett · 12/01/2008 18:52

put her to bed at 5.55

singyswife · 12/01/2008 18:53

yeah good plan;

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notjustmom · 12/01/2008 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hecate · 12/01/2008 19:05

Sometimes they don't know or understand what they are feeling. It very probably IS about her gran, but she can't analyse her feelings and identify it. She might be worried abut death - about other people dying - about you dying?? She may feel so overwhelmed by emotions and uncertainties that she has never experienced before that she is having, well, almost a short-circuit, iyswim.

I would suggest that you stop being in her face about it with all the questions and the trying to change stuff (like what you watch on tv at 6pm!!). Instead, say to her that you are always there if she wants you, for a talk, to listen or for a cuddle. And tell her loads that you love her. but accept that she might not be able to give you an answer right now to what is up with her. Maybe stop trying so hard to do something, and just do your normal family stuff.

Part of me is tempted to say that since she takes off to her bedroom and does it there, just turn up the tv and let her get on with it.

oh, just thought - you could draw with her, get her to draw pics of how she feels etc. Sometimes kids can get stuff out in drawings that they can't explain verbally.

If it is that she is overtired, try to put her to bed earlier, like others have said. Have a nice relaxing bedtime routine, bath, supper, cuddle, story, bed. for example.

singyswife · 13/01/2008 10:36

Thanks for the reply's. I will just get on with normal life and let her know that we are there for her. Thanks again.

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