Personality change in 4yr old son

[thinner]

SO before he started school my ds was lively, sociable, lots of friends at playgroup. About 2 months after starting Reception class he started saying he hated school and no one liked him. Lots of tears returing after xmas, so spoke to teacher and turns out its all true! He is shy, quiet, doesnt know how to make friends or talk to other kids. Cant believe its the same boy as the one I have at home. The thought of him alone at playtime is breaking my heart. But he says he is fine. What changed in him!!?

My dd has changed somewhat since starting school - like your ds she was the most soicable child I'd ever met but I was told at the first parents evening that she was having difficulty making friends - I was devastated. It has improved a lot and I think they just took a while to shake down together. She is still very over emotional and looks very pale a lot of the time. I think it is a lot to do with finding it all very tiring. I've spoken to a few parents and they are all finding their children somewhat emotional and different since school started - I think it really is quite an upheaval for them.

If the school has identified this as a problem then you need to ask them what they are doing about it, how they are involving him with other children, encouraging him and what they are doing to help him make friends. This is part of their remit. The only other thing I could think of was for you to find out which ones his is closest to and try an encourage that with some playdates (though this is difficult when they're so tired after school).

Yes dd is very pale and ill looking now too! And soooo angry with me like he really hates me. Teacher is being really good, but I dont want him forced into a friendship. BUT she did say that accademically he is one of brightest in class so maybe Im worrying too much. When pushed DS says he wants to be at home with me and DD 2yrs.

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Hmmm, similar circumstances. We moved between nursery and school so he left all his nursery friends behind. Its been suggested that I distance him from his "old" friends to force him to make new ones but does that seems a bit harsh?

We moved countries and the child described by a very lovely and very experienced reception teacher simply wasn't my son . It took over a year for things to settle down but they have. The two boys have merged again and the sociable, happy one is to fore.

It is very, very hard. TBH, I wouldn't prevent him from seeing his friends - I'd be looking at boosting his confidence, as much as possible, and encourage old and new friendships, to this end. As soon as DS1 showed an interest in his now best-friend, I approached his parents and asked him/them to come and play.

"When pushed DS says he wants to be at home with me and DD 2yrs."

Why not do what he asks for?

You'll have a hpapy boy with a bloom in his cheeks back in about 3 minutes, and comtinuing to be happy for the foreseeable.

He can go back into school when he wants to - next year, whenever.