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Behaviour/development

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Anger Issues

2 replies

TornadosMom · 10/01/2008 22:34

Help Me Please!!! My 3yo son is a sweet child at times. When he is being punished he throws fits that are the craziest things I have ever seen. He hits yels screams and makes himself vomit. He tells us he hates us and he is so angry. My husband and I don't fight...we honestly have had 4 fights in 8 years, he does not see this kind of anger, what can we do to get him to calm down and listen to us? Please Help me...I am losing it fast.

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HonoriaGlossop · 10/01/2008 22:44

Firstly, don't worry about it. I know it looks very alarming but it really is normal. My ds was exactly the same, when he was three and four, though coming up to his fifth birthday these episodes were really tailing off.

It is quite alarming but honestly, most kids do this at some time or other.

I think it is all part of natural, normal development - children have to learn how to govern their feelings and at 3 they can't quite do it yet because
A) they have not quite developed the side of our personality which we need to help us be social beings - concern for others and a consciousness of our own behaviour
B) they can only learn by experience, so they have to go through this in order to learn

The key I found was to really, really pick battles, so that you are not always saying no and hardly ever have to punish. At this age (and well, up to now really ) I have never 'punished' my ds - if he's doing something he shouldn't I would stop him, take it away from him, or take him away from the situation. That has been enough.

If a tantrum was really going on and on, and general ignoring (which I think is the best way to deal with them) wasn't working, I would eventually (a few times) put ds in his room for time out, not as punishment but because it was one way of helping to change the mood and end the tantrum.

Remember you are not responsible for stopping his tantrum - that's not actually possible for you to do, only he can do that.

I sometimes said to ds that I was sorry he felt so awful - I think that helps, if they feel you understand how horrible it feels.

TornadosMom · 11/01/2008 00:13

I will try just ignoring him too. We have been putting him in his room to calm down, and that works some. You are right though, because when he gets like that if we try and talk to him it just freaks him out more. I love my son with every part of my being, but I hate having to yell att the time and that seems to be all I am ever doing.

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