Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! once again DD (nearly 6 FGS) has drawn on the sofa and on my bed headboard. What shall I do?

[LittleBella]

I really, really want this to stop. She is nearly bloody six. When she was 3, it was my fault because I shouldn't have left pens around. Now she is almost 6 and knows it is a rule that she doesn't draw on the furniture, I don't think it is my fault any more. Well maybe it is, but other people's kids of this age don't, so how can I stop her doing it? Don't tell me to keep pens out of her way, I can't have that level of organisation and control freakery. What shall I say to her? Should I have a sanction? And how do I get biro out of leather and suede?!

agree mostly mrsr, I must admit I have had problems when people whose children are allowed to do certain things in their house come to my house and do them here. Not drawing on the walls, but similar stuff with regards not being careful enough (IMO) of my property. The parents were sitting there so in their opinion these things were obviously not a problem, not only in their own house but in my house either. It left me feeling slightly rankled and also as if I had been made to appear very uptight by the fact I had a problem with it.

The flip side is the kind of friend who is constantly convinced that their children are a complete nuisance and about to break all your stuff, despite you saying "really, it's fine...no don't worry, she can have that...." etc. Nobody relaxes and everyone has a miserable time.

It is a tricky one. I would like to be more relaxed about my own stuff. Feel it is very important to be concerned about other people's stuff. But find it more relaxing to have people in your home who can chill out and make themselves at home without worrying "ooh dear should they be doing that? Oh sorry I have dropped some crumbs" etc

LOL - I don't see why teaching your children to look after things makes the things more important than the children.

It's about priorities, isn't it

what do you feel is most important - teaching respect for objects, and focusing on that with no deviation in any situation (as your replies to this thread have suggested)

or encouraging respect for people and their individual needs - which may involve compromise, negotiation, imagination, empathy, making exceptions to rules, and so on

I thought about this quite a lot at the time

She was so upset that I didn't agree that she had made the book more beautiful by colouring in the black and white pictures, that I wondered why it was an absolute that books are not defaced under any circumstances.

She had coloured in in beautifully, but it was still a book. I didn't come to any resolution over it really. I told her not to do it again but there is a bit of me that thinks, why not, it's her book.

I didn't say this though. Book reverence won.

MrsC I completely get that. When I have said no to similar things despite thinking "well why not? he has got a point" it is usually because of some crude 'slippery slope' mentality. First - drawing on a book. Then - drawing on a wall! Next - ANARCHY!!!

I think it is natural for children to have respect in others houses- in my experience anyway. I don't know whether it is natural or I have subliminally taught them but the things that are acceptable in our home eg the drawing on walls etc are things that they don't do anywhere else, or maybe they look around and realise that we have different rules? I interpret this as having respect for other peoples wishes as well as their possessions.
I prefer a more fluid approach to child raising than setting down lots of rules- though I think that some are necessary of course. It amazes how much they can teach themselves when you have open and interchangable communication.
Swede- you do seem quite angry over my opinions and while it's natural to disagree you can come across as a bit rude/aggressive tbh.

yes I like your style MrsR

I am not sure it works for me, and I am not sure it works with every child, but it sounds like some lovely parenting utopia

good on you

I have to say that I - probably alone among MNers, it appears, with the artistic exception of MrsR - have never managed to get overly fussed about drawing on the wall/furniture; I/we do tell them off but don't go nuclear. I tried getting heavy on DD1, but she blamed the cat. Then I gave up.

They do seem to have stopped now, though. Which is a relief, as DD2 did go through a phase of drawing on sheets.

Mind you, I am well aware that the state of the Inferiority Complex is well beneath that of most of your lovely homes .

LOL at cat

well maybe it was the cat

Yes, the cat claim (she looked vague and said oooh perhaps it was the cat) disarmed me rather.

yes fair play to her

LOL at cat

Don't know about utopia F&Z-It has taken me a while to chill out and relax and try to give them some trust. I read alll the books before dd was born and I thought I would be really strict-but after a while I decided to try a different approach to making them behave out of fear and they are actually quite gentle children although dd is having a few tantrums since going back to school on Monday!
Must say dp is not as fluid as I in discipline terms either!

No choice but to take pens away, sorry! Or remove something else that she 'can't live without' - I removed my dds comfort blanket for a night once which in hindsight was unbelievably cruel but effective..

Oh unless you do what my Dad did to me aged 3 when I re-decorated the spare room that he'd just finished wallpapering by writing my name all over it (was very proud), he took my clothes off and slapped/hit me all over. I never did it again though ......

When I tackled him about it being my earliest memory and a bit of a crap one to have, he pointed out that he'd not smacked me for the original crime but for saying it was my brother who'd done it (brother was 16months old at time )........

Goodness. All the women in my family have coloured the illustrations in their children's books with watercolours. I am surprised that people think it is disrespectful in some way to colour in the illustrations.
I bought a book of Shirley Hughes pen and ink illustrations a few years ago, for dd1 to practise watercolours.

Tearing books or random scribbles across the text are out, of course.

I think it's always wrong to encourage colouring in books' illustrations etc - they're books and if they want to colour in you can buy 'colouring in books'....

the book pedant

MI - we still have a pillow case with some rather funny cartoons on it which didnt wash out. I have to be careful when guests come.

No, I cannot agree about the books. But then there are many artists/illustrators in my family.

ah yes, sheets, dd has also coloured in the fairy castle on her duvet cover ORANGE, that was annoying as she went over the lines and everything.

wisteria - I got a smack for the same thing, saying my 2 year old sister had done the drawings when I there was a house, two people and a cat.

PMSL - apparently I was very convincing, even though he hadn't actually figured out how to hold a pen!

Do you have red hair as well??

no, dark hair here!

Apparently none of my (many) slaps were for the deed but for lying about it afterwards. I can quite see why I lied if I thought I was getting a slap tbh.

I have red hair.

One cannot live, however, in a pen-free house. Which is effectively what you are suggesting.

although I suppose the theory was confess to wall drawings and it will all be ok

Are you my cousin, sounds all too familiar...

My Dad was a terrible control freak and only ever walloped us for lying apparently but I think that was an excuse as like you, I don't think we would have lied if we weren't scared of the punishment.

You can remove pens from dds reach though MI can't you?