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Selective mutism & feeding away from home

4 replies

SuzieQDavies · 20/04/2022 06:37

Advice please. My 3 year 4 month DD has started refusing to talk, eat or drink at nursery or at other people's houses (where she would previously eat and drink). She has started talking in the last few months and is really getting confident at home or in the car. However, take her out of those spaces and she refuses to talk. She has never drank or ate at nursery and she's been there since Jan 22, she goes 3 days a week for 6 hrs. It's taken her a long time to settle and start interacting with other children, never spoken there. At meal times and when they offer water she outright refuses. Now even when I'm with her at family's houses she's mute and nil by mouth, until we get in the car then she'll drink eat and talk. Has anyone experienced this? Any advice please x

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Heresafe · 21/04/2022 02:02

I had selective mutism as a child and wonder if for some sensitive children it starts from starting nursery before they feel ready . Are you able to try keeping her at home and doing everything you can to connect emotionally and keep her close? I think this was all I needed but it stayed with me until school started too and it can be a very hidden stress in a child. I have never read up on it or anything so this was only my experience of it.

Heresafe · 21/04/2022 02:06

DS was very sensitive like me and I tried nursery but soon removed him and stuck to playgroups where I could stay with him . Even at school he missed me and I think some dc need that early attachment or at least very careful introduction to independence to make sure they really feel safe and in control. He’s now 10 and extremely independent, more so than DD .

AliMonkey · 25/06/2022 17:35

DS has SM. Interestingly, food and drink outside the home wasn't an issue, but anything else involving his mouth was - eg it took about three years and a special needs dentist before he would even open his mouth for the dentist.

But I'd say treat the SM and the food and drink aspect will hopefully improve as well as the talking. (I'd also though be wondering if there was any way you/DH could change your work pattern so she was doing more but shorter sessions at nursery as six hours is a long time without a drink.

I'd recommend buying www.amazon.co.uk/Selective-Mutism-Resource-Manual-Speechmark/dp/1909301337/ if you can afford it and work with nursery to put in place some help based on that. www.amazon.co.uk/tell-about-Selective-Mutism-professionals/dp/1849052891/ is also useful for reading with the child and sharing with eg grandparents or others who see her regularly.

SuzieQDavies · 25/06/2022 19:13

Thanks very much

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