Not sure where to post this

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

DS1 has come home a bit cross. All we can get out of him is a member of staff at school told him off. I think it was because he was playing at dragons and made a reception infant cry. He is year 2. I am guessing she was scared. She is a lovely little girl and has only been at school for 5 days. Her Mum told me yesterday that she was autistic. DS1 is very cross and wants to move schools. I am guessing he doesn't understand why he was told off. I have told him he isn't in trouble with us (no point telling him off when we don't 100% understand what went on and school has dealt with it) but I guess my point is do we tell him the little girl is autistic (how?) and maybe that is why the teacher disciplined him. I told him she was different but he didn't ask anything else.

Well done if you have understood any of this.

Discipline shouldn't not have been affected by child's autism so I think this point does not need to be raised.??

Do you think they have been OTT with the discipline? Would DS normally react like this? am guessing not and thus they have been unusually hard on him?

I was just thinking whether it was relevant that she has autism but I was trying to think of a way to explain why she might have been scared.

Hmmm, that might be a good idea then - it's fine line between geting ds to be respectful of this child's needs and not feeling like he can't just be ordinary and 'himself' around her isn't it?

Equally, one wouldn't want to make the other child feel like everyone was tiptoeing around her.

I remember being home sent from school aged 5(?) for biting a boy who wouldn't behave. I'd been left in charge of the class for a moment.

I was SO upset at the humiliation and I never did anything like that again. Maybe his reaction is just because he was told off.

tbh NAB i think its all down to the individual child ASD or not. My Autisic daughter (also 5) would have probably found it hilarious, but i know a few of her NT friends (boys included) may well have been scared by a bigger boy pretending to be a dragon IYSWIM.

Im sure he didnt intend to upset her !! Do you think he might have taken his telling of abit to serious maybe. Is he normaly a sensative type?

FWIW, i dont think i would tell him that the little girl got upset because she is Autisic.

Hope this helps.

Thanks all.

I think he is having a tough time at school and this is just another downer for him. He wanted to google schools to see where he could go.

I didn't think it was right to try and explain autism as tbh I am not sure what to say and also I think it might worry him and cause lots of questions. But I was trying to make him see that it wasn't all his fault. (Not blaming her but you know what I mean.)

Aww Nab, and nab's DS

That's not good. I'm having a few issues with my DS at school too so am here if you want to talk about it more. Not sure if I'm much help though

Bless him.........googleing schools

TBH I am relieved I am not being told off. I was worried I had worded it all wrong. I have met the little girl's parents and my DD has been buddied up with her, so I would like to make friends but would hate to say or do the wrong thing. I wish to treat her like I would my own child but she obviously has different needs and I wouldn't necessarily know how to deal with them.

NAB, I hope your DS is ok poor chap! I would personally approach the school to find out whats happened. Your DS is obviously really upset. My DS1 is autistic and has overly sensitive hearing, another child making a loud noise unexpectly would upset him, and he may well over react. That said you son should not be told off if what has he did to upset the little girl was normal play. All autistic kids are different but many do have sensory problems.

Could you also chat to the little girls parents? Im more than happy to talk to people about DS1 and his problems, its nice to have a new audience sometimes . Maybe ask her and mum over for a playdate/coffee.

If it happened at play time the chances are his teacher won't know anything about it. I will try and see if he remembers who told him off and get his teacher to find out what happened. Thanks for that.

I spoke to the teacher of the Reception child today as she is also my DD's teacher and was my son's TA. She said she will get them both together to make friends and knew straight away he wouldn't have meant anything by it.

I think the staff in the playground can be a bit strict with the kids at times.

Also apologised to Grandma and she was lovely. DS1 changed the story but all is well with everyone.

he may also have misinterpreted being told off.
A bigger child was roaring at my friends DD at nursery and DD thought it was great but her friend started crying. I told the little boy that she didn't like it and he should stop. He imediaely thought he was in trouble which he wasn't.
He just couldn't see he had done anything wrong and assumed that because I was trying to explain to him that I was telling him off.
He may have just felt defensive because he hadn't anticipated her tears.

I think the autism thing is a side issue tbh.

How old is your son? Because I have found that most of DD's friends are quite comfortable with asd. I have just told them that DS has a thing called autism and it maens it is harder for him to speak and that he sees the world differently and they shouldn't worry if he does things that seem strange.
They ask me questions and I am happy to answer. It is just a condition and by the time your child has had it a year or two ome very relaxed aboutthe factthat you have to explain yourself a lot.
The only thing that you could possibly say that would irritate me is if you asked me if DS has a special talent ( and that is just my issue )