HELP, my 8YO can't sleep through the night

[hellish]

Does anybody have any idea how I can help my 8yo dd stop waking during the night.

She has been waking 3/4 times everynight for the last 6 months and I'm tired.

Could I give her somthing to help break the pattern? I usually have to get in bed with her or sit in her room until she goes back to sleep. She's a rather anxious girl and is scared to be in her room alone at night.

BTW I am a bit of an "unconditional parent" fan,so nothing too harsh

why is an 8 year old waking you?

give her a nightlight and tell her to read something or teach her deep breathing techniques or relaxation techniques

find a yoga course for kids .. and encourage her to do these

sounds rather odd to me .. good luck

Thanks for your reply Twiglett, I find it odd myself and would love for her not to wake me. She wakes and is scared, she's scared of burglars / people coming into the house, so she runs to me and I take her back to bed.

If I send her back to her room on her own or ignore her (which I have done many times when I am just too tired to get up AGAIN)she cries hysterically and just keeps on coming in. She would rather lie down on the floor in my room then go back to her room alone.

I think there are two problems. One is her anxiousness and not being able to GET to sleep alone - and I need to sort that out too.

BUT right now I wondering if I could break this habit of waking at 1.00,3.00 , 5.00 am.

That would at least mean we all got a night of unbroken sleep.

Oh dear! Has she always been like this a bit or has she got herself into a habit?

We all know what its like to wake at the same time every night for no reason so I am sypathetic. Also, my DD1 was similar to yours and she is now 19 ! It is annoying and very tiring for you but for her, her fears are real. I would buy her something like a new teddy (both my DDs were real teddy girls so I do apologise if that seems babyish!) and tell her that it is a special teddy that will look after her if she wakes in the night which means she won't need Mummy.

I would talk to her before bedtime each night about how she is NOT going to come and wake Mummy but she should give Teddy (or whatever you would buy for her) a special cuddle as he will look after her.

Avon sell a spray called 'Sleeptherapy'.. before you think otherwise it is only a nice smelling room type mist that you spray over your pillow before bed with lavender in that is supposed to aid relaxation! Spray a little each night before bed so that if she wakes up she can smell it and remember that Mummy said everything is fine.

With all these nice remedies, I would also be quite firm about her NOT coming into your room, telling her that Mummy is always there, but she is NOT to be woken.

My DD1 now aged 19 woke me the other night about an itchy rash that was keeping her awake so nothing has changed! I said (at 3am) 'Oh, FGS what do you expect me to do about it? Go and put some cream on it!'

Good luck!

Oh, and meant to say as well...

DD1 used to wake me a lot telling me how she couldn't sleep (and she really couldn't). She was always a poor sleeper but now the problem is different in that she doesn't get up....!

She was about the age of your DD.. it is a phase and you just have to teach her a way of coping. Tell her she can read a book - say 2 pages or something - and that will help her to go back to sleep.

Whaqt is it that she is afraid of?

8 is quite classic age to start worrying about that sort of thing- the state of the world, death etc...

is not however too young to understand than unless something is seriously* wrong, you can't go around waking up your loved ones. I'm imagining that she is allowed to turn on the light and read for a bit? If so, could she keep some extremely anodine, happy book by her bedside for just such an eventuality?

I second what people have said about relaxation techniques, yoga etc, and also add to be sure that she is getting enough exercise during the day (at least the equivalent of a 2 mile walk a day). You could also try giving her chamomile tea of an evening and leaving her a mug of same next to bed for times when she wakes up in the night. My 10 yr old makes her own, and has done for over a year, but it depends on families how much children are allowed to do at particular ages.

She also needs to know that worry is a natural part of growing up, and that there is nothing odd about her in this respect. You need to talk through these fears of hers in the daytime when they seem more manageable, and in time, she will come to accept the things she cannot change. Good luck.

I've told mine they can come into our bed on condition they don't wake us up. My dd stopped around the age of 9, my ds (7) still does it occasionally. Just the reassurance that they can seems to help. I and my 3 brothers were also allowed to grow out of this habit naturally- I still remember the night when I decided that my night fears were really the lesser evil compared to my mother's snoring!

Just realised you are a crunchy person- if she wants to I'd let her sleep in your room. Ours did, and still do periodically, until they were about 10. If it's a bad nightmare, they tend to climb into bed with us, if merely not able to sleep, climbing into the extra single bed we have in our room, being ourselves quite crunchy, seems to do the trick. They are very independent on the whole, and don't seem to need the bed in our room much at all.

Thanks for the replies - I have bought a night light today and will be putting her name down for yoga (they are starting it during lunchtime at school in a few weeks).

It was good to hear that other dcs have had similar problems at the same age, I am hoping its a phase and just trying to be reassuring and let her grow out of it.

I can't imagine that she will agree not to come into our room though - she is literally terrified. I think I will suggest reading and see if she will give it a try.
Thanks again.

BTW what is crunchy??

You have my sympathy Hellish. My 8 year old is a terrible sleeper, always has been. She didn't sleep through the night at all until about 5yrs, and since then wakes me up approx 2 nights per week, sometimes more. I have learned to live with it. However, for you if the pattern changed a few months ago maybe something has triggered it (not sure what!). What changed for her recently?

Have just re-read your post and if she is waking at particular times, could it be something waking her eg car doors, milk man, central heating etc? (Milkman wakes me at 4am most days but that's a different story)

My 8 year old DS has phases of waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our room - he just snuggles up and falls asleep with us. DH never wakes up of course, and I always do (!)
Just last night, after a few nights of being woken up, I told him before he went to sleep to stay in bed if he woke up, and he did! He isn't scared of anything but says he just wakes up...I sometimes think he wakes up a bit chilly as he always kicks off his bedcovers.
My 10 year old DD used to have phases of waking up, but she very, very rarely does now...

BTW, I think crunchy is "Crunchy-granola, lentil-weavery, AP, unconditional-type..."

Thanks, for the last two days she has only woken once at around 4-5am, I have been staying with her for a bit and then going back to my own bed. (I can't sleep with her in mine!)

It makes me hopeful to hear that others have grown out of it so I think I'll just live with it for now.

She has improved a bit in other ways, she will now stay in her room with the door closed (thanks to High School Musical soundtrack), as she doesn't want anyone to see her dancing and singing with her hairbrush . I am hoping that in the end, her desire for independance will over ride her fears.

Is the problem aswell as waking in the night, she has trouble going to sleep on her own and doesn't like being on her own in the house, I mean when you're there too of course but in a room on her own?
If I'm reading it right it sounds like she has alot of symptoms of separation anxiety. When it's in the older child its part of separation anxiety disorder, it comes out in a few different ways (my dd2 7, cannot go into school on her own, though once she's there she is fine, she has other difficulties too) and in my research into her behaviour I have come across your dd's behaviour which is very common.

I bought a book to try and sort my dd out called something like "A step by step guide for parents on separation anxiety and school refusal", it had a chapter on exactly your dd behaviour but unfortunately I can't look it up now because I lent the book to the school headmaster. I'll ask for it back and have a look what it says how to overcome it.
If you were to google separation anxiety disorder loads of stuff would come up but not on how to get over it, so the book was good. I got it on Amazon if I remember it's by Linda Engler I think.
This is just my (very unprofessional)opinion and it might not be your dd at all!!

i think that cory has the right idea.

i think you should tell her to get her quilt and pillow and sleep on your bedroom floor. as long as she doesn't wake you up

I think I should add that just waking up in the night does not mean that a child has any type of disorder!
It's when there are lots of little things that on their own wouldn't mean anything, but together are actually part of a bigger problem.
It may not be your dd at all, and I'm in no way saying that thats the case, rather if there are lots of things that concern you it may add up to being part of separation anxiety. If it is, then there are things that you can do to help your dd overcome her fears and anxieties.