5 year old badly misbehaves

[LettingGo2022]

Whenever we are together (me and him), his behaviour just goes berserk. He goes from being really loving to punching and kicking with no middle ground, and I’ve had enough. I am firm with him, follow through on consequences and we’re trying our best like most parents to raise our children in a loving home. This evening DS and I left a family gathering early, leaving my DH and other son there, because his behaviour was totally unacceptable punching, kicking and being extremely rude to relatives for no reason. This resulted in him punching and kicking me instead till DH and DC1 got back - quite frankly I’ve had enough!, it’s not a phase, smothering him with love in response does not work, I don’t think he is neuro diverse - my instinct tells me his just badly behave and testing boundaries. We’ve done parenting classes, read books and his behaviour just goes against the spirit we try to encourage in our household.

Please tell me there is hope! And if you’ve had any success of nurturing such a child to become more well behaved I would love to hear how you went about it.

TIA

What are the consequences? How did you react/follow up on the episode you just described?

@Cormoran tonight was bath and bed. My DH discussed it with him during bath time. Other times it may be 10 minutes in his bedroom, or not getting a treat or something he has been looking forward to. I try to avoid taking things away. Also, try to observe a fine balance between being firm during a melt down which can give his behaviours ‘attention’, and not referencing it and discussing it with him when he is calmer, but not found anything that makes a difference.

Anyone?

At a family gathering your son’s behaviour was so horrible, you had to leave early, he was rude to relatives, he punched you, he kicked you and his consequence was … a chat during bath time? Seriously ????

A consequence needs to be unpleasant to work as a deterrent.10 min in a bedroom full of toys and books is not unpleasant. 30 min in your bedroom is or the laundry if your bedroom has a tv is. Missing on a treat one day is no big deal . Missing all types of screens for a week is a bigger deal.

I don’t get why you don’t want to remove stuff even temporary. Fine then add stuff. Plenty of printable worksheets at his level you can download. He has to hoover the living room every day whilst you watch a video on your laptop on a sofa.

Tomorrow after breakfast, you should sit with him and very calmly tell him, in several occasions his behaviour has been acceptable so you are no longer going to accept it. He is old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong and if he doesn’t, it is about time to learn it.