Concerned about 2 year 6 month behaviour (26 weeker)

[Sillymummies123]

Hi,

The paediatricians say 'no cause for concern regarding autism as he makes good eye contact and can follow instructions'

I'm getting quite concerned about my boy. He's always been very anxious/ easily unsettled. This manifests now as near constant tantrums, lots of hitting, and whimpering a lot of the time.

3 patterns I'm a little uneasy of"

Repetitive language. Son seems to love postboxes. When he first started talking he'd say 'red postbox!' On walks, I'd say 'yes', he'd say 'red postbox' ad infinitum - his language has progressed now. He can say things like 'the ball bounced in the hole', but still will say red postbox about 20 times on a walk, seemingly impervious to my distractions or agreements with him. He can talk at home, and there is variety to his language but he seems to obsess and repeat.

"X gone". X can be park, food, daddy, TV show, nappy. He'll quite happily leave the park, then start the 'noooo Park gooone', and he maintains this even if I ezplain that we've left the park. He does this also where there are misunderstandings. E.g. I pit his pj bottoms on the floor to take off his jeans (to put the pj's on) and he shriekd and said "Noooooo! PYJAMAS GONE!". It just feels like he's not really grasping what's happening.

Zoning out entirely if something changes. Yesterday he went to his dancing club and a different version of his favourite song came on. Everyone else was jumping and dancing and he just stood there staring at the wall until it finished.

Thoughts? Normal? Very worrying? Its hard to give you a complete picture of a child's behaviour in a thread but are the above things you've experienced in a neurotypical or neurodivergent toddler?

Seems normal, kids are actually weird little things and it's a shame everything always points to a issue when really it's not. He is still learning, my son is 22 months old and barely does anything but when he does learn a new skill it will last forever, for example he has just learnt to stack blocks really really well after many wobbly attempts and he will keep doing it until a new skill or interest comes along. Don't stress just enjoy looking out for postboxes, maybe you can start pointing out like letter boxes or fences on your next walk.

Please - Anyone else?!

Yesterday I couldn't get him to eat dinner. He wouldn't stop playing upstair withs his toys. at about 17:30 I gave him a five minute warning (all happy etc.). 1735 I reminded him again. 1740 I only said his fucking NAME and he starting screaming NO NO NOOOO! and propeller hitting / kicking me. I took his toys away and said 'We do not hit', so he hit more, 'so I sat him on the landing and said 'We do not hit', and started doing chores nearby. I've tried a naughty step, I've tried time-in, this was my attempt at 'ignore the behaviour', and he escalated over 45 fucking minutes until he was violently hitting himself and struggling to breath. OH then had to step in and do a containment hold. This is getting more and more common, and now I can't even say his fucking NAME without him starting a tantrum. I woke up this morning shaking because I just couldn't take it so OH went in to get his nappy changed/get him up etc. and no sooner had OH walked in that I heard 'NO! We're not playing with trains!' (from 2 year old) followed by hitting (presumably). OH works with a similar age group and so calmed things down with understansing, a bit of playing, and a breakfast warning but lo-and behold, 2 year old ended up shouting and hitting table all through breakfast.

If there's no advice that the above isn't normal then is there any advice for me? I feel like I'm making an awful awful human being and no amount of love or strategy seems to be enough. :'(

I'm no expert, but DD is a few months older than your DS. Going in order:

The language you describe could go either way. A certain level of obsession is very, very common in toddlers. Is he seeing a red postbox when he says it? Or perhaps anticipating seeing one, if you're on a route he knows and there's one coming up? Does he have other interests or get excited by seeing other things (a fire engine, a dog, etc.), or are the postboxes all-consuming?

'X gone': Most of this sounds pretty typical – I'd have interpreted saying 'park gone' after you've left the park as him still being a bit sad about leaving the park, rather than him not understanding. Less sure about the pjs, but toddlers are weird little things. What makes you think he's not understanding?

Zoning out if something changes – this seems unusual to me. Is he quite routine-bound?

The tantrums: This definitely sounds at the more extreme end of things. Taking the 'X gone' and this together, does he struggle with transitioning from one thing to another? Playing to eating dinner, at the park to walking home, jeans to pyjamas?

For the playing to eating dinner, a five minute warning and then 'okay, done' would have been too abstract for my DD – she didn't know how long five minutes was, or have any way of tracking the time even if she did know. I count it down, 5 minutes, 4, 3, 2, 1. A sand timer or digital equivalent might also work – not that convenient to be giving a warning every minute if he's upstairs and you're downstairs cooking.

For the hitting/kicking, can you put him somewhere safe, but boring, until he calms down, perhaps with a pillow or something he can safely pummel (old travel cot?). Be very consistent and keep it very simple. In the moment, I'd probably keep it to 'we don't hit' and when things are calmer say that putting him there keeps him and everyone else safe. If he's safe, you can stay with him or not, whatever seems to help him through it the best. The shouting and hitting the table I'd be tempted to ignore for the moment – not ideal long term, but for the moment a tolerable alternative to hitting people or more breakable objects.