4yo and 2yo never do what they're told!

[Lafoosa]

I've got a 4yo and a 2yo and both of them never do anything I ask them even if it's something they'll like.
For example I asked them to go and get the cake off the table so they could have some. Nothing. Just blatantly ignored and then they had a tantrum because they wanted cake but refused to get it.

With other things too that they might not want to do but it's driving me insane. My 4yo has literally never once picked up toys after herself, she won't. I've asked her to help me tidy them away multiple times every single day and she won't, she just ignores me and goes and does her own thing, or makes even more mess. I have tried time out, saying she can't have TV, etc, nothing works.
My 2yo is the same, except she actually gets a kick out of it and actively doesn't do what I've said and actually does the opposite on purpose and then laughs about it.
I'm at my wit's end now, I'm so sick of everything I say being ignored or completely taken the p* out of. I see other people's children as young as 12 months happily helping tidy away toys, or following a simple instruction and neither of mine will do it. It's not that they don't understand because they do, they just don't care what I say and clearly have no respect for anything I say. How do I get them to actually listen to me? I can ask about 10-20 times calmly, nicely, explaining why I'm asking them to do or not do something and they will only occasionally listen once I've snapped and shouted at them.
I'm sick of shouting, I never wanted to be a shouty parent but I have kids that only very very occasionally listen when I do shout.
What do I do? 😭

If they don't listen when you shout then why bother shouting? 🤔

Mine are older now, 6 and 8 but I do remember that age. You are expecting a bit much I think. They will grow up, they will be able to follow instructions. It's a tough stage, feels relentless but it does end at some point.

@lafoosa - oh how these children test us! I have a 4yo and 2yo too.

They can tidy up their toys at this age and should! I’ve found putting a tidy up song on or making it into a game like who can put the cars away the fastest. They’ll even fight over putting toys away first and snatch toys from each other to put them away! We have a star chart so getting stars for tidying up helps too. I rarely punish for not tidying up it will be “who wants to have a bath?” Answer is always a resounding yes so my response can be “Okay then we have to tidy up toys quickly so we have time or it will be just be a quick shower”. I’ve also put a lot of toys away so they can’t make too much mess or put messier toys (like blocks) harder for them to reach so if they want them they have to tidy up what’s already out. I’ve also made it easy for them to tidy up i. e. boxes for specific toys such as cars in one box and food toys in another.

If they get to the point that they really don’t want to then I’ll just say any toys not away will get taken away and I will put them in the shed until they start looking after their other toys.

Sorry for overload of ideas I’ve just tried a lot of methods and found that depending on their mood different ones work! Hopefully there’s something there that works for you.