4 year old daughter has had 3 major tantrums today over nothing, I don’t know what to do anymore..

[Cappuccino76]

It’s been a long day, and it’s another 2 hours until bedtime. Daughter has been emotional, shouty, hitting me and her toddler brother for no absolute reason.

She has screamed the house down for nearly half an hour, she’s now sitting with grandma.

She keeps saying she wants to hit her teachers and friends at school, where has thought come from?

Im getting worried about these outbursts, which seem to be happening every 2-3 weeks.

Today I’m just tired with it. Toddler is full of cold, I’m just doing the best I can but I feel useless right now.

Can I scream here please 😱 aarrrgggghhhh

My daughter had a massive melt down last night before bed, she got agitated and angry towards her grandma and me.

I thought maybe because starting back school this week she tired but it feels more.

Each afternoon I’ve collected her from school she doesn’t seem happy, then when she gets home she starts shouting at her little brother.

Anyone got any wise words please?

Check with her teacher to make sure all is OK at school.

Mine were always grumpy when they came out of school. I always made sure I had taken a healthy snack and drink with me so they could have that straight away which seemed to help.

Let her have a little quiet time when you get in just to wind down a bit.

Maybe move her bedtime forward a little bit to see if she is tired.

Try and get a little bit of 1 to 1 time with her.

What do you do when she is nasty to her brother or rude to you? Are there consequences?

Thank you @Seeline
School says she is fine during the day, plays with lots of children, enjoys quiet time too. Participates in activities.

However I have had to speak to school to encourage her to drink water as she now tells me she doesn’t drink much during the day. I suspected as she often seems dehydrated.

This last week she’s had 2 massive meltdowns, emotional, extremely tearful, shouting, pushing me and her sibling.
Been to GP who are sending urine off for testing. It was negative on the day for UTI.

I try and do lots of 1:1 with daughter, but she gets so angry over the slightest thing.
When she has meltdown she screams so loudly I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t come over yet.

Ifeel so drained by it all.

tantrums are so hard aren’t they. Our 3.5 yr old has started with them recently. think a new sibling addition hasn’t helped either. I read a lot on Ah ha parenting website and they say to pre-empt tantrums and they are usually tiredness or hunger. So hard to sit through tho once kicked off aren’t they. Plus sometimes I think I have pre-empted and it happens anyway 🙈.
I know shouty behavior doesn’t always result in a tantrum but something we are doing at moment is having ‘family rules’ that include being polite to each other, and not shouting or whining when want something. It’s working quite well. We say when she shouts or whines ‘in this family we talk to each other politely’ ‘ we don’t shout when we want something’. That way she knows its not her im getting at, but her behaviour and that it doesn’t fit with what we do as a family. We pussy footed around the topic for a while and I don’t know why as we have other rules (like no shoes on the couch/upstairs, eat meals at table etc) that I have no trouble enforcing, so why not this one. The other day she was crying and I asked her if she wanted an apple and she cried ‘no thank you’ (aw bless her) so she is def getting it. Maybe if you put some clear rules around polite communication she might not escalate to a tantrum so much 🤷🏼‍♀️.
This isn’t a method but might help reassure you - A friend sent me this about 4 year olds that helped me have more empathy for what they go through at this age, so it could just be a developmental stage too
www.allanarobinson.com/the-limbic-leap/

Hang in there! They are stages and it will pass 😬

Could she be just plain exhausted. My just turned 4YO doesn't formally nap but will still happily fall asleep if we are out in the car past lunchtime etc. I think their brains still need the downtime at this age tbh especially after a long day at school. Have you tried less stimulation/earlier bed times/long relaxing bath? X

@Ahurricaneofjacarandas thanks for your reply. I guess she could be just exhausted. She is usually asleep around 7.30pm and wakes up around 6.30.

I also get the impression she doesn’t eat much at school at lunchtimes. The school have no concerns about this. But she’s not keen on going back to packed lunches.

@Zenlifeforme thank you for your reply. Yes, tantrums are so hard. i always try and talk quietly, and encourage her to do this too. I say to her let’s take deep breaths and talk.

My daughter is a little jealous of her younger brother, he’s two. But I try and spend as much 1:1 time with both and also play altogether.
I guess we just have to get through it, like you say it will pass.
Thank you for the link.

I just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone! My 4 year old DD is an absolute nightmare at the moment!

and im talking apocalyptic meltdowns, screaming at the top of her lungs, stamping her feet, scratching herself in a temper...

I have even threatened to cancel her birthday party (Which i know she is really excited about!), shes really not bothered about it as shes in such a rage!

HOWEVER what i do know from my DD aged 9 is that she went through exactly the same and it is just a phase.... feel free to PM me if you just need a rant!

Sending massive hugs xx

Is it usual for an almost 5 year old to be so high maintenance? Will not do anything alone (even watch TV). Will not let his mother have a conversation with anyone without shouting at her, or just generally making a lot of noise or climbing all over her. Will not play with toys alone.

Sorry! That was meant to be a new topic!

@Cappuccino76 Going through this with my nearly 4yo! Any tips for getting through this? X

I'm going through this with my 3.5 year old daughter. The last couple of weeks she's turned into a nightmare and I can't cope. The daily and nightly tantrums, full on meltdowns, she throws things, hits me, screams so loud I swear the neighbours must think we're abusing her! I just can't cope, don't know what to do 😢