V. Worried about DS (age 5) behaviour started wetting himself, won't talk

[squinny101]

I am very concerned at the moment about my eldest son's behaviour. He is five years old. I should also add that he is my son from a very unhappy marriage (which luckily he wouldn't remember about). I have a new partner and two dd's one 2, the youngest 6 months.

Over the past few days his behaviour has become very strange. He has started wetting himself in the day and at night. I'm not sure if its a medical problem as he says that his stomach hurts and then he starts going and can't stop but when I took him to the doctors they said he did not have a urine infectoin. He is a very fussy eater but has gone completely off his food and keeps putting himself to bed int he day. I have asked him if there is anything bothering him but he says no. He keeps crying out for me in the night. He spent Christmas with his father and I've asked if anything happened there even asked him if something happened which he has been told not to tell me about (which makes me feel sick to my stomach). He says no, I've asked whether he was allowed to watch anything inappropriate as he was saying he is having bad dreams but he said no. If I speak with my ex-husband I know that he will say I am accusing him of something. I also know that nothing 'like that' would happen when he is in his care. But there is something wrong and I am not sure what it is. Has anyone else experienced any problems like this? I am petrified something terrible has happened to him.

I would be worried too if this sort of behaviour came out of the blue. Are you sure there is mothing he is worried about? return to school maybe? Sudden awareness that you have two other children with a father that is not his and perhaps insecurity? Could you take him out for some "special time" and see if he might open up about anything? Maybe the cold weather could be causing bladder weakness and he's worrying about the effects of that and imminent return to school? Cold weather always makes me want to go!!! Nonetheless, a worry for you and i do hope it sorts itself out.

He loves school so I know its not that. I always try to show him as much positive attention as I can. I will be taking him to the doctors tomorrow to make sure its not a medical problem. If its not I'll speak to the health visitor as I'm not happy for this to go on.

apparently, bad dreams are extremely common at this age. My ds has been going through a stage of having bad dreams every night, well as soon as he goes to bed and tbh have put that down to his imagination running riot esp as not at school so brain not being stimulated as much as would at school iyswim.

If he is having really bad dreams, could be anxiety over that causing accidents?

What does he say his dreams are about?

he says they are about a one eyed monster coming into his room. He watched Pirates of the Carribean with his dad so asked him if the monster was wearing a patch (i.e. a pirate shaped monster) he said no. But its the wetting himself in the day that I am most concerned about. He's not saying anything its only when I notice that his trousers are wet that he acknowledges (to me)that he's had an accident. This is totally unlike him. He's had the odd accident at night but nothing like this in the day since he's been dry (almost two years).

I am going to get him checked out by the doctor. If there is nothing wrong in that department, I'm going to speak with my ex-husband.

sounds like it could be aniety based but best to check for no physical reason - explain to him that it is ok to feel torn between you and his dad and try to name his feeling with him -

any of these be familiar to his dad, I wonder?

Ask the doctor to do a neurological exam on him - it may be that he has a pinched nerve at the very bottom of his back that means he can't control the flow of his wee.

We went to the doctor today, he does have a slight infection on his 'winky' as we call it in our house that could be causing the problems. The doctor did note that he is very underweight and has referred me back to the health visitor, who I find to be no help at all! I spoke with his father today and tried to be amicable and got absolutely nowhere. In fact his exact words were 'I can't believe its taken you so long to realise the effect of leaving me has had on him'. Bloody cheek! He would need to look a little closer to home on that front and ask himself why we had to split up.
I am going to ask the school to encourage him with his packed lunch and have to find new ways I guess to get him to eat at home. Any ideas?