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SPD? or is this normal

3 replies

Emilyh1986 · 25/03/2022 08:33

I'm concerned about my daughter, who is about to turn 4. I have always thought there has been something slightly different about her but I couldn't put my finger on it. I thought it might be a behaviour she would grow out of, but i'd say it is getting worse. Help, what do I do! I came across Sensory processing disorder and thought perhaps that could be it, but i'm really not sure. This is what we are dealing with:

Sensitive to sounds - often questions what various sounds are
Covers her ears when she hears sounds she doesn't like - e.g. radiator clicking
Asks questions but when they are answered she often doesn't listen and then asks the question again and again. She then gets very frustrated thinking we haven't answered the question
Has tantrums very easily, gets upset and frustrated
Shouts a lot
Has no concept of time - uses the words yesterday, today, tomorrow etc. in the wrong way
Often puts things in her mouth
sucks her comforter to settle herself
struggles to settle in a new environment e.g if we were to go on holiday and stay somewhere new
Impossible to reason with her
Sensitive to smells - often talks about smells and tells people they smell
Hates change
Rigid expectations and dislike when things go differently to expected
She used to bite a lot up to about age 3
Huge reluctance to try new things
Has so many meltdowns
Hugely particular on how things need to be done, has a meltdown if it is done differently

She has a 7 year old sister who couldn't be more different - so I doubt it has anything to do with our parenting...

OP posts:
Trevez85 · 27/03/2022 21:19

Hi - i am no expert although have experience with SPD. It could well be what you are describing. It sounds like she has sensory challenges (sounds like defensive to auditory and smell).

How is your daughter in social situations? Does she have many repetitive behaviours?

It may be that her behavioural issues are her way of struggling with the sensory overload (esp if she is defensive).

Does she like swinging or spinning?
Does she seek out physical activity (climbing/ jumping a lot as examples)?

Emilyh1986 · 28/03/2022 07:58

@Trevez85

Hi - i am no expert although have experience with SPD. It could well be what you are describing. It sounds like she has sensory challenges (sounds like defensive to auditory and smell).

How is your daughter in social situations? Does she have many repetitive behaviours?

It may be that her behavioural issues are her way of struggling with the sensory overload (esp if she is defensive).

Does she like swinging or spinning?
Does she seek out physical activity (climbing/ jumping a lot as examples)?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my conundrum!

She is actually fine in social situations, has good eye contact, likes chatting to people - which for me baffles me even more. I'd initially thought maybe she was on the spectrum, but her being good socially doesn't seem like it would be that.

She has repetitive routines and gets fixated on things being done a particular way. If you do something in a different way than what is in her head, she would then have a meltdown.

She loves going on swings, but I can't say i've noticed climbing/jumping.

Her speech is amazing and she can have full on conversations and her memory is incredible.

I'm stuck as to whether to seek help, and if so how. Or hope she grows out of it (although i've been thinking that for a year!)

She has moments where she is absolutely lovely, but it doesn't take much to tip her over the edge into another meltdown.

OP posts:
Trevez85 · 28/03/2022 23:22

Presumably a year ago coincided with when she was able to tell you these things effectively?

How has she been out and about? In places like a cafe/ soft play or anywhere noisier?

I think you have made the first step towards helping your daughter by trying to understand what is going on. Why she does certain things. Mostly it will come down to control and the need for this generally arises from anxiety. So the wanting of sameness and routine is likely her wanting to feel more in control if she is feeling anxious about her environment- which she will be feeling if she is finding it hard to process sounds and smells. There may be more that she is either defensive over, or even seeking more of - but that can only be determined by observing her and what she gravitates to/ avoids.

When they can’t process their surroundings very easily, there will be more and more frustrations and tantrums.

The questions point in your first post is interesting- do you think she isn’t hearing your response if she is so preoccupied with whatever she can small or hear? Or she does hear you but is trying to illicit the exact same response each time and when it is varied she gets upset. The wish for sameness is likely comforting to her.

Sucking through a straw or blowing through one will likely help her oral comfort seeking and generally quite comforting.

It terms of what you do I suppose depends on how much it is impacting daily life. It sounds as though she it trying to make sense of the world and perhaps her language is - at the moment - in excess of what she understands.

My suggestions (and only based on my own understandings and experiencing some of the same challenges with my son) is to try and help her make sense of the world and make things more predictable as best you can. E.g if she hates the noise from the radiator and you are about to turn it on, explain what you are doing and that it makes a clicking noise and why it does (if she would understand that much). Maybe how long it will last for. If it is a noise she can visualise (like a loud bike or a lawnmower) then I would let her see what it is. Explain that there are noises you (mum) don’t like and it helps validate their feelings which will help her feel less isolated by what is going on. You can even pretend you don’t like the noise either. Labelling the noise and explaining what it is seemed to really help. Expecting it is something she really doesn’t like (and I think some actually find it distinctly uncomfortable) then explaining how long the noise may last might help. If those things don’t help, ear defenders may be worth looking into. Or even just watching a favourite program on an iPad with her own headphones.

In terms of her not trying new things or hating new places maybe try a “now and next” board or even just do it verbally. Explain what you will be doing in the morning so she can understand and map it out. If it something you know she doesn’t like then I tend to not say too far in advance for not wanting to build up the anxiety over time. Orientation in that way can help (and is something I am trying to do more of myself).

Try giving choices too throughout the day. Particularly where it doesn’t matter. “Which shoes would you like to wear- blue or pink”. The more control they feel they have the more able they can handle when they don’t have it (say when the radiator comes on).

You may already be doing these things instinctively anyway. If you are, or if you feel thinks aren’t improving then I would look for an Occupational Therapist who can help. Would be interested to know how you get on!

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