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Autism - how should I respond?

3 replies

bubblesbubbles11 · 22/03/2022 23:48

Ex husband has autism.
It never came out in our marriage, he did not talk about it, I did not talk about it, I never decided he was autistic but I absolutely knew he was different from other people.
We never discussed autism - infact whilst we were married the word "autism" was never mentioned because it was not a "thing" to either of us.
Caveat. My mother was an educational psychologist and regularly discussed autism cases (before retirement) so conceptually I have a (theorical) understanding.

Post marriage (14 years, he left for someone else who he is now married to, I am a happy single mum of daughter 13 and son 11) my children have started returning from their father's house alternative weekends - and reporting to me that their Dad is openly referring to himself as autistic and wondering outloud whether our son (aged 11) is also autistic (to our son) and then goes on to wonder out loud whether his new wife's pet dog (male) is also autistic.....

Now I just hear this second hand from my children when they come home from their father's house (we have no contact now, can you tell).
And I have no feelings about this reported conversation APART from the fact that my 11 year old son is now actually asking me to see what I can find out about getting him (my 11 year old son) tested for autism.

This has never been an idea in my head.

My son is the light of my life (in an eqivalent way my daughter is but she is different) but he is an average kinda 11 year old - he is bright but not a genius, quite lazy but quite good at problem solving and could do better if he applied himself, very tactile wanting hug wise (single mum) , was voted as "wellbeing ambassador" at year 6 (from which I took he can read people's feelings I think??). His real problem if I had to pin it down is attention deficit (he is not very good at concentrating on one thing, but he is not stupid).

I am worried I will be shot down by people who know about autism for posting this.

But tonight when I went on a post dinner walk around our neighbourhood before bed with my two, my son was begging me to get him professionally diagnosed as autistic. And my first thought was "you are not autistic".
The school has not said anything to me.
What should I do?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 23/03/2022 06:51

Well it's hard because many autistic people are extremely social and popular. My daughter is. She's got tons of mates.She's also highly articulate and very affectionate. Her issues are not always discernable. However since you've never had any word from school about your son, I'd also be a bit unsure....it's like trying to fix what's not broken.

Has your son said WHY he thinks he's autistic? Does he say "Well, I feel stressed by loud noises" or anything?

You could always do the MCHAT with him. It's a free test meant for children as a first step towards seeing if a doctor's trip is needed. You're meant to fill it in though...not him.

bubblesbubbles11 · 23/03/2022 08:02

Thank you Fortune, I really appreciate your reply.
How can I access the MCHAT (is it a test?)? do you know? Is it somewhere online?
thanks

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 23/03/2022 10:34

I've just checked and it's actually designed for younger children...it's also not definitive. Has he said WHY he wants to be tested other than his Dad saying he's autistic?

If he has genuine concerns, there's no harm in exploring it. Your GP can get him evaluated.

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