Tired beyond belief with 4am starts to the day...

[Vangough]

Not put a message on here before as I never seem to just have one thing I seem to need help with ! However the biggest issue I need some help with is my DD waking up at 4am every day. She is 14 weeks (nearly 12lb) and goes to bed well at 7pm, has dreamfeed at 11pm (formula 130ml but is BF the rest of the time) she wakes up for her dummy at @ 4am every day & if we get there quick enough sleeps again until 5am when she demands a BF. Then she sometimes sleeps again until 6am but invariably the rest of the night is spent sticking the dummy in/running back and forth or giving in and letting her sleep in our bed until 7am when we finally admit that it is daytime. The problem is I am now SO tired we are sleeping in past 7am (so is she) just to be human as I can't sleep myself past 4am !! That means the rough routine we had her on (GF) which works really well normally during the day is now up the spout. I should add she isn't a classic GF baby at all but it seems to be her own natural routine in the morning so we went with it, the afternoon she naps more than Gina says but I refuse to be so ridgid ! I find it makes no difference tanking her up (she just pukes it up) or mixing with formula to boost her food intake (cries and pukes !) and it doesn't seem to make a difference how many daytime naps she has either..she just zonks out at 7am. How long do I have to wait for just a few more hours sleep !? I go to bed at 9 or 10pm as it is but what with waking up for the dreamfeed (even though my DH does it !) my own sleep pattern is all over the place. I got told by my HV that she may not sleep more until she is 6 months old ! Why is it I only hear about other babies who sleep 12 hrs from 8 weeks old....Is this the punishment for having a very alert and curious baby? 'cos she is !

If you're bf her why not just bring her into your bed? That way you can feed her easily - and get some more sleep

Why not just feed her a 4am when whe wakes up. Thats what we're doing with DS2 and he's going back to sleep straight away til his brother wakes him at 7am. We tried fending him off with a dummy to keep roughly to the GF schedule but it just doesn't suit him.
PS we've found that the GF schedule is useful for keeping track of feeds but rubbish re sleeping, babies sleep as and when they need to and should be allowed to do so in our opinion. We stuck to the GF routines rigidly with DS1 and it was always a battle, gave up in the end. Going with the flow much more with DS2 and he's much happier and sleeps better and so do we
HTH

I'd suggest that if she zonks out at 7am, I'd tend to as well! Found with ds that he woke for an hour or so in the morning (maybe her 6-7 spell?) and then wanted quite a long nap- and so we'd sleep together in our bed. If he stirred and sounded like he was going to wake up I'd shove the boob in and he'd often as not go back to sleep- sometimes till 11 ish. Meant I felt like I'd had a decent rest. (He was like your girl, although I'd get a reasonably decent amount of sleep it was broken into short chunks and that is really hard to adjust to. )

I know the early starts are hard, it won't last forever honest! Hang in there, you will get more used to it too and so although it will still be a pain it won't be as much of one.

Is there anyway your dh can do the dream feed without waking you? Otherwise try going to bed even earlier a couple of nights a week maybe to top up what you're missing out on.
Good luck
x

Haven't got any advice, but both my Ds's had a 4am stage in their first year, and it is just a phase, sent to test you.
I'd second BF at 4am, and having in the bed, just do what itakes to get through it, and wait for summer, where i found lots of nice evening walks got them sleeping a bit longer in the am

My 8wk old DS1 feeds at 4am (sleeps from 11pm-midnight. he's also WIDE awake and cluster feeding from 7pm til we go to bed) and i think it's really normal in a babe so young.

i have him in bed with me, we do a BF at 4am and go back to sleep. he wakes again 6am-8am, we feed again, change nappy and go back to sleep! i'm just going with it cos i know he's tiny and it won't last forever - and i don't know anyone personally with a 12-hour a night baby! they do exist but am sure there ain't that many of them...

it won't last forever, try and go with the flow if you can - once i relaxed into it, it seemed a whole lot easier... good luck!

Ours were often in that kind of phase but I never had any trouble falling back to sleep even if the baby was next to me in bed. I used to need to breastfeed every 3 or 4 hours anyway at that point otherwise I was uncomfortable. I think at that age my routine was feed twins and put them to bed at 7. Have my own shower whilst they went to sleep. Then feed them when I went to bed at mid night and usually once more say 3am and then they got up about 6. That completely discounts and many nights when one or other was up crying for 2 hours though.... normal life with a baby really until they get older and very hard for the parents. We would leave for work next morning for a rest!

She's still very tiny and it sounds like she really does need the food - they simply can't sleep if they're genuinely hungry and will be very restless.

Have you tried feeding her when she wakes at 4am and then putting her straight back down again? My DD had a 1am and then a 4am phase for ages and then it all just stopped. You can also tell when they don't really need the feed as it's all a bit half hearted and quick. Then I think it's worth delaying things etc.

We all have a natural rhythm and it is always (IMO) better to work with it rather than against. There are so many 'gurus' out there and there's no one way to parent a baby and it does seem that regardless of the approach taken, they all seem to be in much the same place when they're older.

One thing I do know is that it really does help not looking at the clock when you're woken in the night!!!!

Thanks ! very helpful if only to know there are plenty of others out there with wide awake babies at 4am !! it doesn't help my brother's DS did 12hr nights from 8 weeks ! my family think its the norm now Latest with DD is the other night she woke 2am (groan) then 3am (double groan) then 3.10am (!) but then went back to sleep until 7.20am (yeah !) However last night she slept from DF (11pm) til 5.20am so also happy with that (except she wanted to play at 5.40am after I'd fed her) I think we will go with the flow more...if she sleeps 6 hrs that is fine ! She loves sleeping with us after those early am feeds so perhaps that is the key, just let her. We're off to Cape Town for a month today to see family so I will see what joys a plane journey and a new (hot) place will bring ! Perhaps I will leave Gina at home

Vangough, I was going to say, like others, yes, just have her in your bed and feed her at 4am, or whenever, a feed is much more likely to send her back to sleep and when she's with you it's so much easier.

FWIW I think helpful as GF can be, she can make you think your baby is behaving 'oddly' when they are likely to be needing feeding or whatever at odd times for months and months. And that is normal. Go with it. It won't last forever. Best wishes.

Thanks Elf. I've got it down to the dreamfeed as FF and then either the 10amish or 2pm ish feed as FF only. Its given me a bit of freedom and it seems that I can alternate those feeds (providing they aren't too far apart) as my milk supply feels fine. WE're getting her weighed tomorrow so the scales will tell me if I am right !

I would readjust expectations as much as anything- get together with other mums if possible to compare notes as everything you've said sounds fairly normal. Also the book 'healthy sleep habits, happy child' is very helpful in discussing what is 'normal.' Overly-focusing on sleeping through at this early stage will just make you frustrated. She sounds like a great sleeper to me!