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How to make a child try?

3 replies

paperfarm · 20/03/2022 18:32

If anyone could help would be v grateful. Got a 9yo who has lots of lovely qualities, kind, generous, bright....

He absolutely will not try at anything. I've known for ages he's not naturally sporty. That's fine. He absolutely will not try with sport, academic stuff. Anything. He's naturally shy and lacking confidence. He's learnt 'if i don't try I don't fail' and honestly its heartbreaking to watch. My family just say 'take him to football' etc but he won't go and if i were to drag him he would strop in the corner. He's really not managed to make any friends - i just think peers don't see his qualities as he's too busy being grumpy and refusing to do something. Help!

How would you approach this? I can't just sit down and say this all to him as it's crushing. Basically i love you but you've kind of got it all wrong. I think if he just smiled, said yes and gave things a go he would realise that trying makes you improve and everyone praises effort. But i cannot for the life of me get him to do that. He's not got anywhere near the confidence.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TalkToTheHand123 · 20/03/2022 19:44

What are you wanting him to try?

cherryonthecakes · 21/03/2022 11:25

I think taking him to football is the worst idea - from around y3 most teams become competitive and not being picked for a match, missing a goal becomes a public thing. If you want to try a sport then I'd advise a solo sport that's niche so there's no comparison that can be made with his peers.

Do you model how to deal with messing up? I'm not saying that it's inevitable that he will mess up but if he sees that mistakes can be rectified or corrected then he might be more likely to be unafraid of failing. (Is he failing or is it a case of not being the best?) I see adults not dealing well with not being perfect and this rubs off on their kids.

BlueChampagne · 22/03/2022 11:00

That's really tough. Can you start with an activity you can do together? Baking? Junior Park Run? Local volunteering? Gardening? Then, as cherryonthecakes says, he can see how you deal with something not going to plan.

Agree that football is highly unlikely to work in his/your favour!

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