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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Post Christmas Brat Syndrome? Need some advice please.

20 replies

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 15:15

My 9 month old has spent the last 2 weeks being spoilt rotten by both sets of grandparents and now we're home and she's driving me mad.

For various reasons she was held almost all day, she napped in her buggy and was rocked or fed to sleep every night.

I knew it would be difficult getting back into routine when we got home but it's been 4 days now and there's no sign of improvement. I have a play pen she used to be quite happy in but now she's only happy if there's someone in with her. If I take the playpen down she crawls around the house after me screaming. She refuses to be alone for even one second, and that applies to night time as well. She is up 4 or 5 times during the night and expects to be picked up every time.

I have tried everything I can think of to make this easier for her, but am now concidering going cold turkey and seeing how long it takes before she realises who's the boss.

My other problem is I live in a flat and the last time i tried CC my neighbours complained.

Help Help, someone please tell me this will get better, I don't want a bratty baby.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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moondog · 05/01/2008 15:17

I think your comments are really worrying.We are talking about a small baby here, not a sulky teenager.

She likes being held and loved and rocked. Don't we all?

Sounds like a lovely normally developing infant to me.

fairylights · 05/01/2008 15:17

no advice i am afraid but much empathy - am in same boat with ds (14 mo), think we will just have to ease him gently back to "real" life! am hating all the bratty screaming though!

stripeymama · 05/01/2008 15:17

9 months is common time for separation anxiety to set in, so its probably mainly a developmental stage thats been exacerbated by the Christmas attention.

Not that that will make it any easier for you all!

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 15:26

Moondog, I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, I'm just really struggling with her just now. I know other people have it worse and I should be greatful she's healthy (and happy if in my arms). Really I'm just sounding off, I know she's not a brat but I can't even take a pee with her on my lap.

OP posts:

moondog · 05/01/2008 15:26

Babies are like that osmetimes, as are older kids.My 31/2 year old wont leave me alone today either.

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 15:27

That was meant to be without.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 15:29

It's been like this since I got home, 4 full days of permanantly attached baby. I don't want to do cc again, it was awful, but how long will this last and will I ever sleep again? Will I ever be able to make some lunch?

OP posts:

oregonianabroad · 05/01/2008 15:32

Agree with moondaog -- just try and be patient and ride out the storm. Sorry if that is difficult for you, though! I know how it feels. It will blow over soon, I think. Trying to get her to snap out of it may do more damage that good, IMO, by making her even more insecure. HTH!

fairylights · 05/01/2008 15:46

agree with oregon too - although its the opposite of what you are wanting to do i have found in the past when ds has been really clingy that cuddling him lots more etc has really worked - guess it is just a question on lots of reassurance! Right, am off to take my own medicine..

Pheebe · 05/01/2008 16:17

Instead of just letting her follow you round could you try and involve her in whatever you need to get done
toilet - get a potty and let her play with it in the bathroom
make lunch - let her 'butter' some bread and arrange things on her plate
hoovering - give her one of the attachments or get her to do the dusting

that way you still get stuff done but you're still playing with her at the same time
Agree with other posters, this sounds list separation anxiety made worse by all the close attention she's had
As for the night times, my advice would be just be patient with her, cc always seemed to harsh to me and we used the pick up put down method which was is a much gentler and calmer way of reassuring her you're close when she needs you
BTW been through exactly this with DS1 and it took a few weeks to get back on an even keel

juuule · 05/01/2008 16:25

Agree with previous posts that the more time you invest with her now will reap benefits later.
What's wrong with her sleeping in her buggy?
While it's a bit of a nuisance, the not being able to go to the toilet on your own is all part and parcel of having babies/children (or is that just me )
Was she waking frequently in the night over christmas or has she just started doing it now the daytime attention has reduced?
I also agree that when possible include her in what you are doing rather than viewing her as a nuisance following you around.
And it's not a case of realising who's boss, it's more about working out what works for you both.
You haven't got a bratty baby, just one who is looking to you to meet her needs.

Flllightattendant · 05/01/2008 16:30

Eek. I wouldn't call it 'spoilt'.

My 7 month old is held most of the day, fed to sleep and sleeps wherever it's convenient to put him.

Spoilt doesn't come into it - he gets what he needs, that's what babies are like.

I know you're finding it hard but it does come across as though you really resent her, when she is only doing what babies are supposed to do. She doesn't understand the change in routine etc.

Everyone I know has had a phase where going to the loo alone just isn't allowed!

Just try to relax and go with it if you can.

Flllightattendant · 05/01/2008 16:32

Have you considered getting a sling so you can wear her and have hands free?

I do know what you mean about trying to wash a cup/butter bread with one hand, it is insane making. Slings help with that stuff

FourPlusOne · 05/01/2008 16:45

This may have happened even if she hadn't been held a lot over christmas. My DC2 was very clingy from about this age and only got a bit less so at about the 14 month mark. Wouldn't go to anyone else either (except sometimes my DH). It can sometimes be annoying if you just want to put them down and go for a quick wee, but I just tried to think of it as being nice that they wanted me so much - just think, this phase is not very long in the grand scheme if things, and in about 15 years she won't want to be near you and you will miss the time when she relied on you so much (I know I will with my DCs!). Before this stage my DC2 was a really easy going baby and would happpily play on a play mat and watch DC1 playing. I don't think that anything necessarily causes it - I think they will be this way regardless of how you do things. Carried both of mine in the sling a lot when little, both held a lot, but DC1 was very easygoing and would go to anyone, whilst DC2 became exceptionally clingy.
Look on the bright side - at least she likes your company!

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 18:54

I DO NOT view my child as a nuisance, and I DO NOT resent her. But I DO get annoyed with her as I'm sure everyone does, we're only human and being a parent doesn't mean you have to be happy and perfect all the time.

She is 9 months old and in that time she has only slept for more than 5 hours in one go, 5 times. I had her in a fantastic routine, ok she wasn't sleeping well but it was working for both of us. I just find it frustrating when I donn't even have a couple of minutes space from her. When she was 5 months old she was waking up every 60-90 minutes to feed, all night every night. It meant I never got more than one hours sleep in one go for almost a month. I did cc because I was loosing my mind I was so desperatly tired.

I have a beautiful daughter who smiles all the time (when I'm with her), she giggles and has a fantastic personality. I am incredibly lucky and in general life is pretty good, but I refuse to go back to feeding her every 90 minutes and she has to learn that I can't hold her 24 hours a day.

It's good to hear that other have gone through this. And I know in a few years time I'll be missing the cuddles.

I would love to get her dusting but she'd eat the duster.

OP posts:

colditz · 05/01/2008 18:57

She's nine months old, she doesn't need to know who the boss is, she's completely powerless. She is nine months old, she probably has awful separation anxiety - she is not certain that when you go out of sight, you will come back.

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 19:03

Yes I agree, the who's boss comment was stupid, but this isn't just when I go out of sight, it's when I'm sitting next to her, she has to be on me.

I'm going to dig out my sling.

OP posts:

juuule · 05/01/2008 19:24

Are you on your own, Sushi? Is there anyone who could give you an hour off, perhaps?

colditz · 05/01/2008 19:26

I would dig out the sling, good plan. Then when you have MADE her be carried around for a few days, she may completely lose interest in being picked up (as ds1 did) and let you have a wee in peace.

Original poster

Sushipaws · 05/01/2008 19:45

Thanks Colditz, thats a good plan. Hopefully it'll work by Monday as she's in nursery 2 days a week. At least I'll have a little break too, although I don't know if I'll be able to leave her if she cries.

OP posts:

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