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Aggressive 4 year old

5 replies

Shibby585 · 08/03/2022 19:17

My daughter is 4 (5 in June). She's always been spirited since being a baby. We had a couple of incidents at nursery where someone bit her as she had him in a headlock over a toy. And a couple other incidents but nothing major.

All seemed fine until about July time last year, although got worse when she started reception. We are constantly having aggressive outburts and I'm not sure what's causing them.

This is usually after being told off (which is quite frequent) as she doesn't listen and annoys the cats regularly too. We will ask her to go on the step or stop what she is doing and usually it ends it's being bit, hit, nipped, kicked or screamed at.

I've had things thrown at my head, I've been told that I'm hated. She has pulled me down the stairs when on the step when trying to get past. Last night she told her dad she wished he was dead. Tonight she told me she's going to punch me and kick me and break my arm. It's very regular.

We have spoke to the school she is fine there and they say we are doing everything right. I've tried the health visitor they said they are coming out then don't bother calling back (this is from October).

I've tried naughty step, calm out corner. We have a marbles jar for rewards, we have a sheet for breathing when angry. She has had stuff taken off her. It makes no difference at all. I'm at wits end.

OP posts:
Shibby585 · 11/03/2022 12:17

Anyone?

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HumunaHey · 11/03/2022 16:41

Did something particular happen in July last year that might have caused her behaviour to take a turn? How do you reward good behaviour? It sometimes takes lots of positive reinforcement and affirmations to stamp out 'bad behaviour.

I'm not sure what to suggest but giving a bump for you.

Shibby585 · 11/03/2022 16:53

Thanks for the response. The only change was her dropping naps and nursery ending and school starting really. We reward with a rewards jar with marbles and once they fill up she gets to pick a treat.

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Lollipopsandicecream · 28/03/2022 01:06

@Shibby585 I’m right there with you! My 4yo (5 in July) has these manic moments. It’s like he’s overtired and just lashes out. I take him to calm down which just seems to make things worse. Which stresses me out even more because it’s like I’m trying to help you and you won’t let me!

I’ve just started reading “there’s no such thing as naughty” (hoping I’m not too late, as it’s says how important 0-5 is…yikes!)

What’s the sheet for breathing?

I think our generation is under so much pressure as parents - we work more, have less support and we have all this pressure to make sure we get everything right so we don’t f* up our children!

It really helps to know I’m not the only one going through this though. Hope it helps you too!

Shibby585 · 28/03/2022 10:16

@Lollipopsandicecream I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same.

This is the sheet we use, we sit down, breathe and count to 10. www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwi6-8fzu-j2AhUHl-0KHeP5Dx4YABAJGgJkZw&ae=2&sig=AOD64_0CuEXNCF9PdGfGMtyHLTqA6FUTyQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwiSocDzu-j2AhXHa8AKHVuvAEUQwg96BAgBEBE&adurl=

We had a talk with the health visitor and have been given some guides on how she may be feeling and advised to work on one thing at a time and also do smaller rewards. So our rewards jar is too big.

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