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4.5 year old hitting at nursery - at my wits end! :(

7 replies

chubbachub · 08/03/2022 15:34

Ds is 4.5 and due to go to school after Summer. Hes been at the same nursery since he was 3. It's the nursery attached to the primary school he will attend. In his first year he went for 3 hours in the morning 5 days a week. Since August he has went 5 full days a week.

His behaviour is awful. He is so excited to go and talks about all his friends etc but at least 3 times a week I am greeted with the teacher saying he's not had a good enough, he's hit someone (teacher or friend) argues with the teacher, knocks down people's towers and generally can be quite angry.

On the other hand all the teachers agree that he has a huge kind heart and can be so friendly and loving and caring etc. If someone is crying or hurt he will go to help and he helps the younger ones with things. His behaviour isn't like this all day every day and he has sweet moments but when its bad, it's really. Im so nervous picking him up every day.
When asked he says he's angry/tired/not feeling well. We talk about feelings all the time and what is acceptable behaviour and what isnt. He's mostly not like this at home (athough can have an incident occasionally with his older brother). Me and dh dont argue or fight or anything so he doesnt see this behaviour. I spend as much 121 time with him as I can but do have 2 other children.
He says he doesnt want to go back to nursery and im not sure what to do. Theres only a few weeks left til easter break then it will be Summer then its school. What can i do?
He is under a consultant for ENT issues - repeat ear issues/constsnt cough and runny nose and we are having a watchful waiting period until June when if symptoms are still an issue, the doctor is going to put grommets in and remove his adenoids.
He gets enough sleep although is an early waker. He sometimes wakes in the night but only to cough/have a drink and generally sleeps from 8ish until at least 6 sometimes later.

Does anyone have any advice? I just want to take him out of the nursery but feel that will make the situation worse.

OP posts:
chubbachub · 08/03/2022 15:43

Argh posted without reading it over.

*not had a good day
*when it's bad it's really

I wanted to add he eats really well at home & nursery so can't blame that.
Also at home because we don't have this behaviour very often there's no real "discipline" in place such as time out etc as it's not needed. So unsure what I can do to help him when Im not actually there with him.

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 08/03/2022 16:15

There really isn't much you can do in terms of discipline when you aren't there at the time, that's up to the nursery.

I am wondering if he has some communciation issues with the ENT - perhaps his hearing isn't quite right so he is not fully understanding the other children and getting frustrated and getting physical instead of using words? Has he ever seen a SALT to look into his general communication?

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 08/03/2022 18:03

PS I think you should keep DS at the nursery, perhaps part time if fulltime really isn't working for him. That way they can support him as he transitions up to school.

chubbachub · 08/03/2022 19:38

@AmaryllisNightAndDay

PS I think you should keep DS at the nursery, perhaps part time if fulltime really isn't working for him. That way they can support him as he transitions up to school.
Thanks for replying. after speaking with DH i think this is the plan. we haven't needed a SALT as his language and communication skills are great i think. Might be something to look into though? Ive called today to see if I can bring the ENT appointment and surgery forward rather than wait until June then he starts school in August. (Scotland) i just dont know how much the ENT issues are affecting him. And how that in turn affects his behaviour. Ive found a book called 123 magic im going to read that as well
OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 09/03/2022 09:15

we haven't needed a SALT as his language and communication skills are great i think. Might be something to look into though?

Especially if he is hitting adults then something needs investigating. There are lots of different aspects to language and communication, including non-verbal ones like some voice tones, and he might not be picking all of them up. My own DS turned out to have a very patchy understanding, his language was advanced in some ways but that was just covering up a lot of things he didn't get at all. For your DS it could just be the noisy busy environment of nursery, or it could be adults who aren't as used to him and don't communicate with him as easily as you do. I know it's not nice to make a fuss but there's no harm in agitating for some investigations now because waiting times can be long.

Ive found a book called 123 magic im going to read that as well

I've heard of 123 Magic and used similar strategies myself (though not from that specific book) and it helped at times. It can be good for kids with communication issues because it is clearly expressed, consistent and kindly - plus the counting gives them time to process what you want, I did a lot of that! Smile.

Worriedmotheroftwo · 30/04/2023 23:36

Hi OP, sorry to resurrect this thread but just wondering how it's going with your son now? You are decorating my son to a T and I'm at my wits end! Many thanks.

chubbachub · 07/05/2023 21:09

Worriedmotheroftwo · 30/04/2023 23:36

Hi OP, sorry to resurrect this thread but just wondering how it's going with your son now? You are decorating my son to a T and I'm at my wits end! Many thanks.

Hi @Worriedmotheroftwo

My son is about to turn 6 in July now and has almost finished primary one.
We've had a lot of input from the school and some coping mechanisms out in place as he still struggles with emotional
Regulation. They allow him extra time for things, give him choices, give him jobs to be helpful and distract from situations where he is likely to act out. We've had help from education psychologist and some other things out in place such as a once a week session with a nurture teacher, a weekly session with the school nurse working on emotions etc. he is also on the waiting list for assessment for adhd/PDA as suggested by GP and head teacher.

I can honestly say he's like a different child now he has the support he needs. there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep going with your son and you will get there.
A book I would recommend is the incredible years.
You are doing a wonderful job, the fact you are looking up tips and advice on line shows that you are a great parent. It'll get easier x

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