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[naughtystep]

Am just wondering if anyone else has anything similar with their dc?

Here goes(!):-

My DS seems to be very high maintenance and I feel that I am always going on about it to my friends but it is driving to the edge of my endurance. Sometimes I think it's just me and that he is completely normal and I obviously am just a drama queen who can't cope and then other times I KNOW he is not behaving normally.

He cried a lot as a baby and has always been very whingey with a really high pitched cry that makes my eardrums feel like they are going to explode. He is very anal about lots of things, getting food on his clothes, his nose running, getting his clothes wet etc. (which I know is normal for a lot of toddlers!). Going on holiday has always been a nightmare because he is distraught if he has to go on sand. He sits on the blanket taking up all the room and screams his head off if he gets any sand on himself.

I am beginning to wonder if he is slightly autistic. He is not that affectionate although he will sometimes give me a cuddle if I ask (or beg!) and hates being kissed or kissing someone. (I don't know that much about the condition though).

He can be an angel when he is with other people. I went away with my Auntie for five days and she thought he was fantastic but so did I as he was like a different child.

He is beginning to act like a brat now as I can't handle his whinging and often give in with things (although I do use naughty step or putting him in his room to cool off). I am just beginning to feel like such a failure as a mum. I love my DS but this morning I said to my DH that I wish I had never had him and he had ruined my life. He is just so demanding sometimes and I just feel like his slave.

My DH and I have been a bit guilty of being negative with him and telling him he is a whinger and talking about him to other people when he is around but we're trying to stop doing that. TBH, he has really put us off having another baby. I scared that we would have another like him and I think I would lose the plot.

I also have flashes of seeing myself hurt him like beating him up or kicking him or holding him under the water in the bath (I feel very scared typing this as I think someone might find out who I am and report me and he'll be taken away). Does this mean I'm depressed or am I going mad? I feel like I am sometimes. I have got people to talk to and I have NEVER hurt my DS. I do shout (and scream) sometimes but feel like my patience is growing ever thinner.

Is this all normal? Does anyone feel similar or do I need help?

Hi blueshoes.

So funny you should mention labels. He does have a thing about them. Quite a lot of his clothes have had the labels cut out because he says that they are scratchy.

He has also complained about the label on his car seat although it is no where near his body.

Last night I decided to heat his bed up with one of those lavender wheat things that you can heat in the microwave. He was really pleased his bed was nice and warm until he noticed the smell and started screwing up his face and then also the label on the wheat bag-he doesn't usually scream or anything-just starts whining a bit that he wants me to cut it off.

I don't have any experience so can't comment on your little boy's behaviour, but from the way you describe your feelings I think you could probably do with some help and support. Perhaps chat to the GP or HV about what options are available to you?

My friend has similar feelings to those you describe - she believes her ds is an absolute nightmare, so difficult to deal with, completely different to other babies - but all of the stories she tells to illustrate this could apply to any little boy of a similar age. She spoke to her GP and is recieving lots of practical and emotional help and support from her HV now and it is making a big difference to how she copes with her son.

Good luck - it sounds difficult for you.

I have days when my ds also makes me want to scream, he can be a total nightmare, and to be honest all my friend mums feel the same some days too.
We all get together once a week at a local play centre and over a nice cuppa have a good moan while the kids run riot!! Sounds mad but sometimes it helps to just know that you are not alone, and other mums feel the same too.

I suffer from depression, and although no expert it does seem you are very down, and I'm sure a chat to your gp would'nt do any harm.

You are his mum, and if you feel that there is'nt somethink quiet right (other than terrible three's!!) then perhaps you should mention it to your gp or hv.
Good luck, and remember none of us are perfect, being a mum is the hardiest job in the world, so don't beat yourself up too much

Hi naughtystep, your ds sounds like he might have sensory issues. It does not necessarily mean anything sinister, but that make parenting him that much more challenging, as you no doubt are finding.

A lot of what you describe could be my dd 4 on a bad day. But I suspect your ds' reactions are a lot more intense and magnified than I get from my dd. My dd does not find labels scratchy or loud noises disturbing, though we get more than our fair share of whinging (urghhh), oppositional behaviour, finicky eatin, freaking if she gets her clothes wet or sees a dog of the wrong kind.

I asked about the scratchy labels because I remember that description of a certain type of 'high spirited' child in this book by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: Raising Your Spirited Child. I found it very helpful for strategies for dealing with challenging behaviour and accepting your child for who he is.

I hope you find it useful. Your ds is at an awkward stage in his development.

Thank you everyone. I will have a look at the book that you mentioned blueshoes.

I also meet my friends once a week but they never seem to moan about their children.

I sometimes feel like they think I am just not very maternal (they've never said that- I am just being paranoid probably!) and they can be very understanding and supportive-just feel that everyone does it better than me-less tv, less sweets, etc!

naughtystep, I don't think my friends or colleagues Get It when I moan about how difficult my dcs are and how I cannot do a lot of things other parents take for granted, like actually have a moment's peace. Dh and I feel like we are being held to ransom a lot of times by their demands.

My dcs' spiritedness is their persistence and take-no-prisoners approach to their insatiable appetite for parental attention.

I have to choose my battles, so I totally understand about how other children seem to accept parental-imposed limits better than mine. The book is quite good actually, and is gentle on you as a parent.

Thanks everyone.

Have just put another post on my other thread as a question was posted "untitled should read Am I am Drama Queen etc..." which goes into a bit more depth about my feelings etc.

Have just read a really sad article about a two year old dying which has had me sobbing and then I went to look at DS sleeping and thought how can I possibly feel such horrible thoughts as I felt so much love for him (they're all angels when they're asleep!

Just wanted to agree that 3 really IS at difficult age, much harder than 2 I found (2 dcs out the other side and 1 more to go!).

As for the people supposedly coping better than you - you don't really know and even if they are, some people just have very passive, easygoing children. I don't, and have had to accept it, apart from the odd "why me?" moment.

Good advice on here - no harm in getting his overall development assessed. It might not lead anywhere but then at least you will have sought advice. I used to work as a SALT, and lots of 3 year olds were flagged up for extra assessments, so you don't need to worry about them making you feel like a paranoid mum or anything.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied to my post.

I have had a much better day today even though DS has had his moments! It helps knowing that everyone finds it hard sometimes and I'm not alone in that.

I think that DH and I have got ourselves into a bit of a cycle of negative thinking and we need to realise that you can't control little children and they will be naughty and challenging-it doesn't last forever!