When to stop co-sleeping

[Easywriter]

If you co-sleep with your baby (which we do) when and how do you get your baby to move to a cot, or bed?

Can't answer really as dd still co-sleeps with us. She is 3.5. Keep thinking about moving her to her own bed, because we'd like another baby, but I love having her there with me.

I am kind of hoping she'll decide for herself one day...long shot I know!

I think I did it when DS was about 8 months, when he stopped bfing.
I just moved him into a cot and did it little by little.
I had always given him a bedtime though, without me, so he was used to going to bed alone, it was just the new environment that he had to get used to.

How old is your LO now, can you establish a bedtime routine that doesn't include mum? that way s/he will get used to sleeping without you and then you can puthim/her in a cot/bed and eventually move to their own room.

dd is nearly 4 and still co-sleeps. She also has to be cuddled to sleep. I don't mind too mcuh but as she goes to bed about 9 I never get to see any evening TV!
Can't see a way out of it yet as she is prone to epileptic fits so too scared to put her in another bed. Not that we have a room for her yet. She also can't decide for herself as she has total body cerebral palsy. No idea what to do and HV is totally useless.

DD is only 6 weeks old.

Previous dd's co slept with us by accident (i.e they had a routine at bedtime but cried etc and ended up staying most of the night, every night) and it literally took us over a year to get them to stay all night in their beds, we started when they were nearly 2. (Sometimes it seemed like we weren't doing it the fairest way for them either which is why I asked the question)

Routine I can do.

What do you advise and how?

DD is only 6 weeks old.

Previous dd's co slept with us by accident (i.e they had a routine at bedtime but cried etc and ended up staying most of the night, every night) and it literally took us over a year to get them to stay all night in their beds, we started when they were nearly 2. (Sometimes it seemed like we weren't doing it the fairest way for them either which is why I asked the question)

Routine I can do.

What do you advise and how?

Sorry, almost everytime I post today it's come out twice. It doesn't usually happen to me at all.

Oh, but no controlled crying, it's not for me, my heart can't take it and neither can dp's.

If you're happy to co-sleep, and want to do the transition in a kindly way then

I'd just wait till she's approaching 2 and get her a bed like her big sisters, put it in the corner of their room as her bed, and then whenever she wants to play in it, play at sleeping in it, actually fall asleep in it, it's there ready for her. I'd guess with big sisters, she'll be trying to be like them in a zillion ways, and sleeping in her own big girl bed will just be another of the things like wearing big girl pants and sitting in a big girl chair that she might well show an interest in way before the age when they did.

Otherwise, I'm a big fan of the child's bed right next to parent's bed for easy night time snuggles as a transitional stage somewhere between 18 months and 3, depending on the clinginess of the child.

CC doesn't need to be done unless you want massive almost immediate results(ie on a tv show ). You have plenty of time to ease her out of your bed.

I assume she goes to bed with you and straight into your bed? Have you thoguht about doing it sidecar maybe?
Basically, she goes in her cot, up against your bed, you can then still lay in bed and both of you get the impression of cuddling, you can oull her over closer to you in the night or as she gets older she can roll herself over.

This allows more leeway with the 'bedtime routine'. You can then start by giving her her bath, her last feed, and putting her to bed (in her cot, as it's not your bed, but a kind of extension of it she will feel at home, but be safe iyswim.

If you want to lay with her til she falls asleep then do so. It's important to remember that you're doing this as a slow step-by-step to avoid long term hassle rather than expecting her to sleep alone straight away.

The older she gets the more she will be happy to go to bed still quite awake, and will be used to the 'sleeptime' routine.

When she does start to go to bed awake, you don't have to let her cry! She'll probably play with her hands and feet, get a mobile for her to watch, some toys in her cot, which is serving the purpose a normal cot would, but still giving you the ease of co-sleeping.

When she does start to cry, you can go straight in, stroke her, calm her down, sit with her if you wish, just talk in hused tones she just needs to be reassured mummy/daddy will come to her.

The same for in the night, rather than grab her and rock her, just put out a hand, so she knows you're there and she will learn to fall asleep on her own, safe in the knowledge mum/dad is around.

If you gently ease her into it over a period of time she will stop crying out when you put her down awake, she won't reach out for you as much in the night and once you're happy with that then you can move her out of your room.

(That's how I did it anyway, I assume it won't work for everyone, but IMO the reason babies cry at night time is fear and loneliness, they dont know where anyone is! Once they are reassured that you'll come they'll be secure enough to get used to falling asleep without help.)

I forgot to mention ages!! When I did it I started the going to bed and me leaving DS there at about 6-8weeks, by about 4months I think he was going to bed awake, by 8 months he was in his cot alone, in his own room, and perfectly happy with it.

Thanks for that, it sounds sensible. Do you think it would work without the cot as our cots have fixed sides and i'd rather not buy a third cot.

I would imagine so, it's the same theory, it just makes it easier with a cot.
I wouldn't suggest going out to buy a new one, maybe just get a bedside bar thingy do she can't fall out when you start to leave her.

matthew has started to want to sleep by himself in the last couple of weeks (he is 14wks old). when he was first born he would only sleep next to me but slowly he has learnt to sleep when in his pram out walking and naps in it during the day. now he prefers his own space at night (still comes in for a cuddle at 6am) and doesn't sleep as well in bed with us.

i'm a bit gutted as i loved cuddleing him to sleep but he fights to be able to stretch out.

suppose its up to the baby and reading their signals.

My Ds is 9 months and we have just moved him onto his own mattress next to our bed (our bed is already on the floor to avoid him falling too far). It has had a real effect on me in terms of him being a little bit separate.I needed a bit of space and wanted to avoid a traumatic shift when he is a toddler...also we would like to try for another child so needed to prepare him to be on a seperate mattress anyway.
It is also MUCH easier to sleep with a bit more room. He slept in our bed without us for naps from 4 1/2 months during the day and when he goes to bed at night from 4 months and I think that this makes a difference. he will now sleep alone in any bed we put him in (ie if we stay at my mums or friends) as long as we take the bed guard. I put something that smelt of me on the bed when we first left him on his own and it seemed to work...that and putting the bed on the floor.
I totally agree about controlled crying...in our house we call it uncontrolled screaming as it seems so cruel and against our instinct
good luck

I did a gradual transition with my DD. She slept in our bed until she was 8 weeks. Then we set up a sidecar cot and she slept there, with me gradually retreating further across the bed in an attempt to make her feel she had her own bed. Not sure how worthwhile this was, as I didn't make any significant change to the arrangement till she was two and a half, when she got a bed next to our bed. She was delighted with her grown-up duvet. After a few weeks of that, I moved her bed into her own room and she was absolutely thrilled. So it was a rather long journey but since I was never prepared to leave her to cry, and she was a very cuddly demanding baby, I couldn't see a more sensible route.

The big benefit we seem to have got from doing it this way is that she never (touch wood so far) gets out of bed and tries to come into our bed. I know lots of people who put their babies into their own cots very young and who as soon as they got a proper bed just came bouncing straight out and into their parents' beds! It may not have anything to do with it, but it's my theory so far.

I would out dd to bed on her own and in her own cot next to my bed and then she would join me later when it was her feed. I started to put her back afterwards so she was used to settling herself and sleeping on her own. When I stopped bf she went in her own room and just slept through. Had no problems at all, only when she grew and went into her own bed and could get up herself. She comes through in the middle of the night for a cuddle which I allow but hope this will stop but not quite sure when as I quite like it.

just read your post ladymuck ds slept with me since he was born. Gradually moving to his own side of the bed as he gets older. He coming up to two next month and i want him to have a bed. I noticed you said you put the bed next to yours for a while then moved into her room did that work well for you and did you find it hard as well? Want to do the same for ds but worried about it

It worked very well - I was really glad we did it that way. Her bed was shoved right up between ours and the wall, but was much lower down so it felt separate yet reassuringly close. It coincided with a housemove, so I was in and out of her bed the whole time for the first week or two. I had also been cuddling her to sleep, but just all of a sudden discovered that I was sure she COULD go to sleep independently, so I sat on the edge of my bed telling her I knew she could do it. And she did! After that it was all really straightforward. She started to sleep much better, and when we decorated her room she was really excited and couldn't wait to put her bed in it. It was very weird for me, but at the same time a big thrill to be able to read in bed for the first time since she'd been born!

its nice to hear i am not the only one out there. Dh sleeps on his own and we havent slept together since before ds was born. He slept with us a couple of weeks ago but he annoyed me by snoring and taking up too much room! Got use to me and ds! No nookie has happened too