3 year old doesn't want to stay at my parents

[Roxanne1988]

My daughter has just turned 3. She has always stayed at my parents happily and has stayed there when I've been at appointments etc. But all of a sudden, over the past few weeks, she has really not wanted to go there. As soon as we turn up the hill two streets from their house she starts saying "not going inside nannies". When I say we are, she starts getting upset and won't get out of the car. It's so sudden as she has never had an issue before. I've taken her a few times now and stayed there with her (as I have done in the past) and she has gotten slightly better. She is quite rude to my mum a lot too who is the one that looks after her mostly when she's there as my dads in work. She is generally wanting me a lot more lately too but she is fine to go to my DH mums house without me. Any advice or ideas would be a massive help. Please help a stressed mum out 😩

Not trying to set off alarm bells, but it does sound like something happened that’s upset her.
It doesn’t have to be major on an adult’s side-my brother was scared of white baths for ages (ours at home wasn’t white) after he slipped climbing out of one at about that age. It could be as simple as you were later than she expected back one time and your dm said as a joke “oh dear maybe she’s left you here” or something she’s taken to heart that no one else thinks twice about.
You could try a little role play with a couple of teddies and see if she says anything.
“Teddy’s going to nanny’s house. Teddy says he doesn’t want to go? I wonder why he doesn’t want to see nanny?” and just let her play it out. She may not say anything, or if she’s a vivid imagination then you may get something extreme (aged 5yo my ds didn’t want to go to school one day because the t-rex had eaten the teacher yesterday-no there was no background to that!) . But it may give you an idea.

@MargaretThursday

Not trying to set off alarm bells, but it does sound like something happened that’s upset her. It doesn’t have to be major on an adult’s side-my brother was scared of white baths for ages (ours at home wasn’t white) after he slipped climbing out of one at about that age. It could be as simple as you were later than she expected back one time and your dm said as a joke “oh dear maybe she’s left you here” or something she’s taken to heart that no one else thinks twice about. You could try a little role play with a couple of teddies and see if she says anything. “Teddy’s going to nanny’s house. Teddy says he doesn’t want to go? I wonder why he doesn’t want to see nanny?” and just let her play it out. She may not say anything, or if she’s a vivid imagination then you may get something extreme (aged 5yo my ds didn’t want to go to school one day because the t-rex had eaten the teacher yesterday-no there was no background to that!) . But it may give you an idea.

Thank you so much for your reply! That's such a good idea. I have been thinking, for a while she was very clingy to me so when she went there for me to go to appointments etc, she wanted to go there. To save her getting upset I was leaving whilst she was distracted. I'm thinking it is probably that. I feel horrendously guilty about it now. Maybe she is associating their house and my mum with me leaving? Even though most of the time I have gone back to get her.

It may be that simple. Don't worry though, most of us have done that! She'll get over it.

I used to give dd my watch to keep at that age when I was leaving her. It made her feel grown up and a bit of me.

Thank you. You've reassured me. I may try something like that. It breaks my heart ❤️ hoping she will get over it soon bless her