3 year old temper tantrums/screaming

[Secondtimemum1829]

Since Christmas DS has really developed terrible temper tantrums, when he is told no mostly but sometimes over washing his hands or teeth brushing. Now he has just woke screaming, with what seemed like a night terror and it’s took almost an hour for him to calm down, screaming at the top of his lungs that you think he is going to be sick. I’m certain I heard my neighbours bang on the wall. Have tried everything. They did calm down a bit after Christmas but have started up again the last week or so. Is it a phase?

Probably. Especially if only started since Christmas.
People talk about 'the terrible twos' but quite a lot of children wait until they are three

Hi, my son seemed to wait until he was 4 before he started these but ive now had the pleasure of many tantrums from him lol I’ve learned to realise what’s a genuine upset ness, tiredness or defience, was hard to start with but one thing that really worked was not engaging with him during the episode. I would give him a warning of what would happen if he continued then I would walk away, once he was calm I would speak to him about it, allowing him to understand his behaviour was wrong. Don’t get me wrong there was many times we argued but we both just ended up upset and got no where. When it’s just us two he’s great, but add a Gran or papa into mix, he knows they have different boundaries so it’s back to basics pushing buttons lol it’s hard at the time but you will get through it, and if it’s any saving grace she’s having the tantrums with you because she is most safe there, a time where she can get all emotions out x

Yes, they have a lot of trouble regulating their emotions at this age and are starting to understand that they don't have to do what you ask them to. Sometimes it helps to give them a little bit of control so does he want to brush his teeth now or in five minutes or does he want to hop to the bathroom like a bunny or a frog? Yes sometimes nothing works but perhaps try to help him to understand his emotions by naming them - are you angry because you don't want to brush your teeth now? It's tough when you don't want to brush your teeth but it's time to, shall we sing this song or this song whilst we brush them?

Staying calm is definitely the way forward but it's hard some days. I would try staying when he gets upset and just waiting and offering a hug rather than leaving so that he knows you are there when he's ready. My DD gets herself in such a state sometimes but they are only little and sometimes it all just gets too much for them. I find it's easier to avoid getting to the stage where she's digging her heels in and crying, tonight Mummy couldnt remember how many jumps it was to the bathroom so we counted them (again!). With mine doing something silly definitely seems to work to get cooperation without the tantrum.

Thanks everyone, have had a better couple of nights since. We are also potty training, so a lot going on in his little head. I just sat on the landing and waited for him to calm down, he didn’t want me to go in his room at first and just kept holding my hands out for a cuddle and just tried to reassure him, when he eventually calmed down we had a cuddle I asked him why he was so upset but he said he didn’t know. I genuinely think he was still half asleep. Hopefully it passes again soon x