Dealing with 3 yo tantrums and throwing hitting in anger

[Ionlion]

Over the past three weeks my 3yo DS has become really angry and I’m not sure how to handle it. He’s been lashing out at me and DH (mainly when we say no to something) and has also been throwing things (toys/cups/plates) in anger. He has started calling people naughty and I don’t know where this is coming from as we never call him naughty or use this word.

We’ve been dealing with the throwing by telling him if he throws things it means he doesn’t want it and we will put it away. Tonight he threw his dinner plate with all his dinner so we told him he was telling us he’s not hungry and we took him up to bed. We said I know you are angry/sad etc but we do not throw our plates etc.

I don’t know how else to deal with this. I have tried talking to him about his anger and the reasons behind it and he just says he doesn’t want his food or doesn’t want a particular toy etc.

Is this a phase I just need to ride out?

He’s 3 so he’s too young to manage his emotions. Even as adults, we don’t always manage to control our emotions or behave perfectly- but young children have even less control of their emotions.

I wouldn’t send him to bed etc or punish him. Quietly remove the dinner if he is throwing it and bring it back when he calms down.

When his behaviour is bad just be really calm and explain that behaviour is not nice and makes you feel sad.

And praise him lots when he is good. It is important to catch him being good - not just catch the bad behaviour.

My 3 year old is the youngest of 4 so I feel a less worried about her difficult behaviour as I remember my older children being that way at that age. They grew up and calmed down!

Following! My 3 year old also throws in anger.

Perhaps try saying something like "I wonder if you are throwing things because you are angry / frustrated / whatever you think the emotion is, can you try to tell me what you are angry about?" You might to help with the next bit if he's struggling with that one and say 'Is it because we said no to whatever it was you said no too". You can then go one to say "it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to throw whatever it was he was throwing. If you need to throw something how about we throw this cushion for a little bit." I would try to build a connection, essentially understand the why and help him to understand his emotions whilst also making it clear that throwing etc is not acceptable. Perhaps also try to avoid saying no by saying something like yes you can do x once we have done whatever it is you want him to do - that one isn't always going to work of course but it helps sometimes. It's a tough age three, someone once told me they are like little pots that are just boiling over with emotions which helped me to remember they are not doing it on purpose, sometimes it just all gets too much for them.

I meant to say I wouldn't punish/send to bed without dinner either. He's only three. At this age I think it's more about supporting them to understand their emotions and to lay the groundwork for when they are older so they know they can always turn to you for help and understanding. It's tough though, staying calm when you are faced with dinner on the floor again.

Thank you @Mattieandmummy and @SuperSleepyBaby for your advice. I’m working on supporting him and letting him work through this emotions. Just to reassure you we didn’t send him up on his own, just started the bedtime routine and offered him a chance to eat again before bed!

We’ve also been doing lots of physical activities over the past few days and it seems to have really helped @ihavechangedmyname54321