3 year old struggling with having a sibling.

[itskc1994]

Hi all,

My nearly 3 year old was always a very happy and loving wee boy. He honestly has always been so easy going and so caring.

When his sister arrived we noticed he was struggling. I guess seeing his mum and dad loving and bonding with another baby really hit him.

So he didn't feel it so much, We made sure we both had one on one time with him, time with just mum and dad and time with us all regularly. We did things he loves and new things for learning experience.

Although he still struggled, he seemed he was getting better and even building a connection with his sister.

Until a few weeks ago he seems to have gone backwards. His behaviour is spiralling towards us and he has pinched and smacked baby 3 or 4 times. It's not been anything major thankfully before I could stop it. It seems as if he's so angry or upset.

He has said to us a few times "baby is not fair" and "I don't love mum and baby no more". I always find myself wondering , where he has even heard this from.

It makes me feel so upset to think he's struggling this bad and maybe so down inside but also worried if this is concerning behaviour.

Personally I've never been around anyone with siblings both under 5 and seeing if anyone else has had similar experiences and maybe ways to work towards a happier child.

Sometimes I find me questioning my parenting, I do prefer a more gentle approach. I have at times felt as if I can't show love or adore a baby girl in front of him just incase it upsets him. He doesn't seem bothered but I don't know what it is.

Thanks so much.

Sarah ockwell Smith has a second baby book you might find interesting / helpful, I'm due with our second in a few months and have been reading my way through it. From what I've read so far, your first sounds pretty normal - he has just had his whole world turned upside down and is having to share attention when he never did before, it's a big adjustment.

I don’t know if you have tried this but I have a 3yo and 7 month old and I try and do things like reading to them both at the same time, cuddling at the same time etc. if I’m feeding baby and DS expresses an interest, I let him have a go so he feels really involved.

Also, I’ve been really trying to encourage the bond between them as much as possible by telling DS how much his sister loves him and how he’s a good big brother, how she finds him funny etc. he still snatches toys off her but but building the bond between them seems to help. Best of luck!