Do all 3 and a half year olds go to nursery ?

[Kaz33]

Recently left work to look after 3 year 3 month old and 18 month old. Very busy, we go to lots of playgroups and have just started a casual playgroup for my 3 year old where I leave him for a couple of hours. Intending to do that once or twice a week.

But whereever I go I get asked - he must be going to nursery soon ? All the nurseries are full days, or every morning or afternoon a week. We didn't get into the nursery that I put his name down for - which now I am feeling pleased with.

I don't feel he is ready for nursery, he is a bright reserved little soul who likes having his mum looking after him. Thinking that I will keep him out of nursery for the near future, and maybe wait until reception before I send him to school.

So am I the only one ? It seems like it where I live, all the 3 year olds appear to be in nursery. Any thoughts appreciated.

Hi MI - thanks, feeling a lot better and totally positive about the situation - I think its just the area that I live in, everyone assumes that you have more exciting things to do than look after your children and therefore get the little blighters off to nursery as soon as possible. But actually I don't have anything better to do or anything more important to do. Hey no one told me that it would be this much fun !

Looking forward to seeing you at the christmas party MI - you'll recognise us, mines the blonde 18 month old diving off walls.

mine doesn't ! But he does go to 3 sessions of playgroup (2.5 hours per session) a week.

My ds is 3 1/2 and does go to playgroup - 2 mornings, and nursery for a whole day. The main benefit for me is time to spend with dd, who is 1 and a bit. He loves it, but it does mean some of his activities have been curtailed. I wonder if it depends if there is a younger sibling as to how keen the parent is.

Hello everyone, I'm new here, and this thread caught my eye, as it's something I've often wondered. My ds is 4 now, and not attending nursery, and he does seem to be in a very small minority. I have recently signed him up for school, to start in reception in September 2005 (he's an Autumn baby, yay!) I asked what percentage of children go to a nursery before they start school - I was told that my ds would be unique, as all the kids at the school have had some sort of pre-school experience. Reluctantly, I feel he'll have to go to the nursery from the new year term 2005 at least, so he's not the odd one out. The school has a nursery attached and said they'd have places.

I'm glad he's had so much time at home with me though - he's had issues with his fine motor skills, not being interested in drawing or having the ability to hold a pencil for any lenght of time until he was 3.5yrs. He surprised me when he began doing pretend writing, very neatly and of his own accord at just under 4, and was writing his own name within a week! Also, he has only recently started to want to let me show him how to do (craft-type) things - before he has refused to be shown, although he would watch me make and draw things for ages, and asked me to write notes and labels for things with no desire to copy or help out despite plenty of gentle encouragement. However, he has always helped out in the kitchen and done practical things around the house and garden!

His natural learning style (a lot of observing, before he actually attempts anything) wouldn't have suited a nursery if he had just turned 3, I believe it would have frustrated him to see kids in his peer group appearing to be 'cleverer' than he was. My son's speech, vocabulary, ideas, understanding of situations and empathy were certainly well advanced at that age, though.

So, Kaz33, you're not quite the only one, although I'm sure it feels like it sometimes - it really depends on the child.

Prefernot - I don't! I'm lucky enough to have my mum look after ds two mornings a week and she does he special babygym plus library one day, and either a daytrip or library plus other activity on the other. My dh also usually takes a morning to look after him - so that's when he goes swimming. On wed he goes with me to a mums and toddlers playgroup and on Thursday to art club. My mum is a qualified school teacher and dance teacher and lot brighter than his old nursery teachers (not slagging off nursery teachers, just saying it's not bonkers to say so when it is true).
I'm not sure that at three it's so important for him to learn to line up. He's got the rest of his life to be dragooned into things he doesn't want to do! I have to add, that he loathed nursery, it made him utterly miserable. If I think he is ready to go and that it will make him happy, then of course he can go. But there is a lot of pressure to send kids 'for their own good' even if it's not what they want or even if it makes them unhappy, IMO. Of course, lots of children love it and it benefits them hugely, but some don't, and so it doesn't.

Also, I never went to a preschool before I went to school, neither did dh or most of my friends. In 'our day' that was totally normal. I don't think it made any real difference to our school careers. Admittedly I loathed my entire education from primary to university, but that's very much my temperament. Dh loved all his.

my ds2 is at nursery 3 days a week - I love having time to myself and ejoy him more when he's at home with me.
He's been at nursery since he was 6 months anyway as I used to work - after I gave up I just kept him in the same day nursery part-time.

I also didn't go to nursery, I believe it was the norm in my day not to have nursery education pre-school either (I started school in the 1970s). My mum had been a nursery teacher before she left work to have a family, but interestingly, she didn't really see there was any added value in sending her own children to a nursery. Maybe in those days it was something only working mothers did.

THanks ladies, now i have decided that DS1 is not ready fo r nursery and is happier with mum - WHAT DO THEY DO AT NURSERY ??

Bit paranoid after reading the lastest study which suggests that children who go to preschool do best at primary school etc...

Kaz, sorry I'm a bit late on noticing this thread. My dd will probably go to nursery as soon as they will take her. But, I feel very strongly that that education is a parents choice and no one else's business (within reason). The only thing I might do if I was in your shoes is find out what the curriculum is for 1- what the bursery does all day, and more importantly 2- what the reception class will expect the children to know upon arrival. For example, do most children know the alphabet, how to spell and write their name, etc. Then, if you make sure your child posseses these skills, then I'm sure you can provide at least as good a surrounding for your child. And, the only other thing I would think about is developing social skills, but it sounds like you provide plenty of exposure to other children.

If you like,I suppose you could say that your home schooling your toddler. Why is that different from older children who are home schooled?

And, as for that gov't study, who gives a toss what the government thinks? If you are happy, your child is happy, and your child is developing in line with his peers, then that's all that matters.

Kaz33 - I don't think it makes any difference to their school career if they go to nursery or not. I get really fed up with the pressure we are all under now to have our kids growing up into einstein as quickly as possible. What the hell is wrong with being a child and just playing? Why does EVERYTHING we do with them have to have a very obvious educational aspect to it. FGS!!!!!

Like others have said, I didn't go to any type of nursery and I was a Sept baby so didn't go to school till I was 5. It didn't make it any harder for me and I've got qualifications coming out of my ears!

I know times have changed and most people I'd say do send their kids to nursery and say it's because 'it's good for them' - well, if they love then yes! If they don't, then they won't suffer if they don't go!

I totally agree that parents should have the right to choose what is right for their children at the most appropriate age. (I am currently embarking on a battle to keep my developmentally delayed August birthday Ds2 back a year at school and feel very strongly it shouldn't be a battle if I think it is what he needs).

However I just want to say that I chose to send my children to nursery and preschool mostly to help them cope better with school when they got there rather than to make them into some sort of genius. Most of preschool is just playing, rather than hard driven learning. My Ds1 has just started Reception in a class of 36 children and I think it would be quite horrific for him to have gone into this from home without mixing with reasonably large groups of children before. Also preschool got him used to changing shoes, washing hands, eating in groups etc as well as playing with a variety of other children.

Likewise my Ds2 has some motor problems and difficulties with communication and socialisation which mean it is more difficult for him to cope with preschool. However again I feel that it is better to ease him in gently with a couple of short sessions a week rather than sending him straight into school. He has a one to one helper and is really enjoying it.

But it all depends on circumstances, the type of school and the child and obviously everyone must do what they feel is best.

Saker - I didn't think class sizes of 36 were allowed at reception stage? I thought the limit was 30?

You're right that a lot of preschool is playing - ds1 is 3.5 and goes 4 mornings a week and he absolutely loves it and is quite upset when he doesn't go on a Friday. Of course he learns quite a lot in the process and perhaps school won't come as such a shock, but I'm not sure it would matter that much if he didn't go.

The washing hands, lining up etc doesn't matter - they'll just learn it in reception instead of preschool!

No in theory they are not allowed 36 in a class, but this is the village school and it would have meant excluding some of the village children if the class numbers were kept down to 30. The headmaster also felt that the children would get in on appeal and the class size would increase again having disrupted those children's first term. So the class has one teacher and two teaching assistants (making a better ratio than the two members of staff they would have had to 30 children). They also have two classrooms and for Reception they teach mostly in small groups so it doesn't make a lot of difference. What will happen next year is anybody's guess - but the school is very good and the Headmaster has assured us he is working on a solution so we will see.

I just feel pre-school can be a more gentle introduction to socialising, washing hands, shoes, interacting with other adults etc. You would have to learn fast in a class of 36 whereas Ds2 is in a group of 11-18 with three carers at pre-school and so more help is available. But this is in our case. Some village schools are smaller with littler classes and then it is probably less important. And some pre-schools are better than others which would influence your choice.

Obviously I don't think you should send your child to pre-school and force them to stay and be miserable. But I think it is worth a try for most children - I really didn't think Ds2 would settle as well as he has, but he's getting on great.