Do all 3 and a half year olds go to nursery ?

[Kaz33]

Recently left work to look after 3 year 3 month old and 18 month old. Very busy, we go to lots of playgroups and have just started a casual playgroup for my 3 year old where I leave him for a couple of hours. Intending to do that once or twice a week.

But whereever I go I get asked - he must be going to nursery soon ? All the nurseries are full days, or every morning or afternoon a week. We didn't get into the nursery that I put his name down for - which now I am feeling pleased with.

I don't feel he is ready for nursery, he is a bright reserved little soul who likes having his mum looking after him. Thinking that I will keep him out of nursery for the near future, and maybe wait until reception before I send him to school.

So am I the only one ? It seems like it where I live, all the 3 year olds appear to be in nursery. Any thoughts appreciated.

Have DDs and both at nursery, but I see nothing at all wrong with what you're doing. If you're both happy, you're doing the right thing - you know your DS better than anyone.

Kaz33 - most that I know are in nursery too. It's the preschool year so ds1 who is 3yr 8m could be in his school nursery 5 mornings or 5 afternoons but I've kept him in his playgroup which he goes to for 4 mornings. The school sessions are only 2 hrs per day which is nothing. His playgroup is 9-1pm and he takes a packed lunch.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping your ds out of nursery if you and he are happy, I don't think it will do him any harm at all and I don't think he'll be disadvantaged by it.

DS1 goes because he loves it but had he not, I WOULD NOT have forced him to go and left him there upset.

I'm all for keeping them with you if you want to so don't worry about it!

My dd1 wanted to go to school at the age of 3. So i put her name down for a nursery place, she started at 3.5yrs old and loved it. dd2 has been trying to break into dd1 nursery since she was ayr old, so she now goes to daycare one afternoon a week, dont think i could cope with losing her for much more than that atm. If you dont feel your child is ready for nursery yet then dont worry about it. Tho it could be worth putting his name down for a future place ust in case he suddenly appears to be ready.

DD1 doesnt do full days, she goes in for lunch at 12, and finishes at 3.30pm. dd2 starts at 1pm and i pick her up at 3.30pm as the daycare centre is at the back of dd1 nursery.

I dont feel dd1 would've been happy in daycare palce at the same age that dd2 is atm, they are both totally different.

Most I know go from 3 and a half onwards but many go TOO OFTEN
i wodulnt worry about it and as aofr allt his " getting them ready for school" well that can happena at ny age - 6months? !!

I didnt go to anything and loved school, dd1 only went 3 mornings a week for a bit (actually less as I kept taking her out if it was a nice day and we could go to the beach) and she loves her school and is very popular so I don't think it particularly matters personally

I feel like just you Kaz33! Everyone including HVs etc ask me what nursery he is in as if it's a foregone conclusion. Nothing against nursery AT ALL I hasten to add, and think it's great for many children, but I really feel that my ds is not ready for it. He's bright, but a real homebody who just loves pottering at home, trips to the park and library and Tinygym etc and being looked after by his mum, dad and much adored grandma. I do sometimes feel guilty about not sending him to nursery, but I feel quite strongly that he wouldn't like it yet - partly because he is a bit behind on his physical skills and finds small children his own age quite threatening and group situations quite overwhelming. I might also wait until reception to send him to school.

Me too Enid - I'm an early Sept birthday so didn't go to anything until starting infants at 5yrs!

Bet there aren't many kids in that situation now but I don't think it's a bad thing.

Like others have said, all children are different. DS1 was ready for playgroup at just over 2yrs and he went 2 mornings a week for 2.5 hours. He never made a fuss cos he just loved it and that's the only reason I let him go. DS2 is just over 2 and although he loves going in with ds1 to have a play at the beginning - he's not as eager to stay as ds1 was at that age so I'm waiting till he's older before I see if he wants to stay a bit. Again, will probably just start with 2 mornings. If he enjoys it great, if not, I'll keep him at home with me.

I feel like just you Kaz33! Everyone including HVs etc ask me what nursery he is in as if it's a foregone conclusion. Nothing against nursery AT ALL I hasten to add, and think it's great for many children, but I really feel that my ds is not ready for it. He's bright, but a real homebody who just loves pottering at home, trips to the park and library and Tinygym etc and being looked after by his mum, dad and much adored grandma. I do sometimes feel guilty about not sending him to nursery, but I feel quite strongly that he wouldn't like it yet - partly because he is a bit behind on his physical skills and finds small children his own age quite threatening and group situations quite overwhelming. I might also wait until reception to send him to school.

My dd is 3.9, and she is also a bright, sensitive little soul. She went to nursery 2 mornings a week for all of last year, and has been going 5 mornings a week since September. As an only child, I think nursery has helped her immensely in learning peer social skills - playing with others, conversing, how to listen/follow directions, learning how to share, that she can't always be the centre of attention, etc. She loves going to school, and is happy to have afternoons/ weekend days at home with me too.

I definitely seem to be one of the more protective mums in that we have been "slower" than many to push independence, but I am happy that dd now has a good mix of influences/stimulation and is progressing well for her age/abilities. Keeping dd at home until reception wouldn't be right for us, but I feel we have benfitted by moving along at a slower pace than most. I think you have to examine what is best for your son, and decide if he will benefit from contact with peers, or if "home" nurturing suits him better.

Thanks for your thoughts ladies, getting him to playgroup and leaving him as been quite an achievemnent - we have managed two sessions so far !! I think as previously he has had nannies he has just rebuilding his confidence that mum is going to stick around - so any situation where he thinks he might be left causes him concern.

DS2 however, will no doubt easily be ready by the time he is 2 as he is the opposite in most respects.

Also if I am honest I've only just got them back full time and I'm not ready to let them go just yet

We don't go to nursery either. DS is 3.5, and has a childminder but only 3 mornings a week, rest of the time with me. I like the time we spend together and if he was in nursery f/t I would miss him too much! (Luckily I'm a freelancer so I can fit my work around him at the mo)

dd1 started at 18m, dd2 and ds1 didn't settle in nursery, so we pulled them out until they were four, and started at the school attached nursery. Ds2 started in april aged just over 3.

I think it depends where you live. I know that in London most state primaries have nursery classes which are half days for mainly children that will be 4 in that school year. But for all my friends outside London there is no such prvovision and their children (if they are SAHMs) go to play groups or preschools for a few hours a day. I used to teach reception classes and one gril moved out of London in December, she had been at part time nursery in the school for a year and full time reception for a term. Where she moved to she wouldn't be starting reception till after Easter!

Think it really depends on the child, and if you're happy, then what other people do/think is irrelevant!

That said, if your child is happier at home on the basis that they find group situations too much, then you would probably do well to find some way of sending him to nursery for at least a few months before he starts school. Going from nothing - or just the odd playgroup - to a room full of 29 other kids every day would be enough to put the wind up the most confident child!

My mum is a receltion teacher and key stage 1 coordinator, and she agrees that all children are different, but finds some mums she enoucnters have definitely kept their children at home more to gratify their needs than their child's. And I also have one or two friends whose DS's are clearly desperate for more stimulation than they get at home, but their mothers won't send them to nursery.

My DS is very outgoing, but I only send him for 3 sessions of 3 hours each per week. Lots of my friends ask when he's going to do full days, but what's the point? 1) we can't afford it, and 2) I feel we're getting the best of both worlds as it is.

Bit of a ramble but I'm just saying do what you know is right for your child, whilst keeping in mind the importance of him acclimatising slowly to the huge change that starting school represents.

my 3 year old goes to a preschool for 3 mornings a week now.....she is a Sept baby so won't go to school until Sept 06, so she'll still have all of next year at preschool.
I sometimes wonder if I've sent her too early - we have a baby due at the end of Dec and the thought was that it would be a special time for her (before the baby came so she didn't think she was being pushed out) Now am dreading getting us all out the door ready for 9am! In those awful Jan and Feb days.....!

I suppose the stimulation argument depends on what you do with your child. At the moment he goes to library, playgroup, Tinygym, art club, a special playgroup to help him with his physical development, drawing, we read books, visit places of interest (eg Cutty Sark, his favourite), learn a bit of French, swim, cook, play in the garden etc etc. And he spends a lot of time with his grandma. We do have him down for a nursery in Jan, but if he's there every morning I would have to stop all his other activities which I'm still not sure is to his benefit. He still has an afternoon sleep so the morning is the time we do stuff.

So, what's the difference between a playschool and a nursery? I thought they were just different names - don't want to sound thick or anything!!!

completely agree with you, aloha, about nursery/preschool cutting into other activites.
beofre ds started, I used to also do a music group, and still see my nct group every week. tbh, though, he was starting to find the music group (which I'd been taking him to from 12 months) a bit samey, and I was starting to get bored with my nct group. and ds didn't get on too well with the children as, all being girls (apart from him), they were starting to get quite girly at just the time he wanted to play with swords and power rangers!
Now he goes to nursery, I find I want to have quiet time alone at home, as well as maybe 1 or 2 teas or lunches per week woth his local, really good friends. Otherwise it feels like every day is just a constant round of up, dressed, fed, out, home for baby's nap, back out...
Before DD came along, I loved having the freedom to just go off and do whatever we fancied with DS. Now I'm grateful to know that he has a nice time at nursery, doing all the things he loves, while I have a couple of hours to cook/clean/give DD some one-on-one without feeling guilty.

Every childcare setting has to provide pre-school activities and generally "playgroups" are officially called "pre-schools" now.

I always think of the big Nurseries which open all day are for parents who work all day and need the childcare provision as well as pre-school. Whereas the smaller playgroups/pre-schools are for sahm who only need the short hours.

And since the new voucher scheme for 3yrs + nurseries/pre-schools have to offer half day sessions to parents so that every child has at least some sessions. ( i can't remember the exact amount you are entitled to, think it is three but you would probably get more info on the Ofsted website).

Sorry meant to add.

Several reception class teachers i have spoken to say you can pick out the children who have attended nursery/pre-school prior to starting school. Because they have already learnt a lot of the necessary "social" skills such as, group working, sitting still, hands up to talk, listening, standing in line etc etc

For this reason i will be sending DD a couple of sessions, so that school doesn't come as a big shock to her!

It has also been said that they can often seem to have a headstart with numbers/alphabets etc But personally i do not consider this an advantage as schools in parts of Europe don't start teaching reading until 7yrs and research proves their abilities when older are no different to those who were taught at an earlier age. So why not let them play and be children for longer?

blimey, aloha, how do you fit all THAT in?

My dd's 25 months and is also a reserved type who sensibly prefers the company of doting adults to unpredictable small kids. I work 2 days a week and dp has her for those days. Apart from that she's with me and I do as many different things with her as I can but there's not a lot in my area of SE London and I can't drive and I do worry that she'll get a bit too mummy-focused which she clearly is at the moment. It's mutual, we love each other's company and get along incredibly well together. She calls me her 'best friend' which is lovely and makes me feel fantastic but at the same time I do wonder if she shouldn't have a best friend a few feet shorter than me ...

So we've got her down for a 3 x 3-hour session place at a small local nursery from January when she'll be 27 months. If she loves it we'll up it to 5 mornings. If she hates it we'll give it up for a while.

My ds will be 3 in January. He goes to nursery 2 full days a week while I'm at work, and M-i-L looks after him 1 day a fortnight (I work then too). He will start school in Sept 2006, & at the moment we intend to keep him at his daycare nursery until he starts reception. We have a really nice time on the days I don't work which I'm not very keen to disrupt by sending him to preschool. He does lots of educational stuff on the 2 days he's at nursery. I think it's good to have time where we just chill out, or go for cake or shopping or to the park. Still, I might change my tune when number 2 is born next July....

I think the reason a lot of people send their kids to nursery school nowadays is because it's free! from 3, children get 5 x 2.5hr sessions a week.
My older 2 have both gone to a truly excellent nursery school which I really believe brought DS1 on no end, so I agree with Fran 1 about school skills taught there (sitting still, making a line etc)
But as others say Kaz, it's up to you, if you don't feel ds is ready then do what makes him happy.
In answer to minimax's question, a playgroup is usually a privately run concern, maybe as a business, maybe as a charity-type thing.
A nursery can mean a daycare nursery takign babies up to 5yo or beyond; or (as in this thread) it can mean a nursery school like my DD's, ie a proper school for 3 and 4 year olds, with qualfied teachers as well as nursery nurses, a specific educationaly programme (learning through play of course) etc. Could also mean a nursery class attached to a school of course.
sorry to lecture, but confusion does seem to reign on this point!

Thank you Clary for clearing that up for us all. My mate is not sending her DD as she (mate) thinks she is better educated/brainier than most nursery teachers. Now that is batty. But if you are happy as you are K then I say fine - you know your child best.

Kaz, you've had enough time away from him! Do stuff together!

My older one is at preschool two days a week, but that's part of the four days I work. Which I admit suits me fine as am Bad Mother.