8 year old dd terrified of going to bed on her own

[poptot]

We are having a terrible time with or 8 year old dd who has over the last month or so has become terrified of going to sleep by herself. She states this is because she is terrified of having nightmares and is worried there will either be a fire or someone will break into the house, she has had no experience of either of these things. She is also waking up every morning at about 4am and lying on our bed will not go back into her own room. I have no idea how to help her with this and we are all knackered.

Does she have a lamp on at night? Nightlight?

A friend of mine had a similar problem with her 8/9yr old - she wouldn't go to bed either for fear of the house being burgled. They overcame it by simply being firm with her in the end which may sound cruel but it drove them completely barmy especially as she would get up during the night & wake them up too.

Yes she does have a night light agree about the being firm bit, it's driving us mad

It will drive you mad especially as you're so tired as a result.

At 8yrs old she knows she has to do as she's told - I have a dd of 9yrs old - if she is playing up going to bed I just tell her straight and tell her that unless she goes to sleep I will be taking away her favourite toy etc and it does work.

Something else I would suggest you look at is diet. What type of food is she having during the evening and drink? Have you tried giving her a milky drink last thing before bed? Some foods are so heavily added to that they can cause bad dreams/nightmares.

Try various things that could reassure her that her fears are unfounded and that her room is safe.
Do a tour, looking under beds, in cupboards etc. Show her the windows are locked. Show her the smoke alarm and how it would wake everyone up if there was a fire. Get her something to snuggle.
For now could you put a camp bed or something in your room that she could come in and lie down on without disturbing you too much?
If she's genuinely frightened it's a bit cruel to send her into a room on her own.
With reassurance she should grow out of it.

I'm sorry to disagree but I think putting a campbed in your room for her to sleep on is not going to help - if you start allowing her to sleep in your room it'll be a hard habit to break. I think also 8yrs old is plenty old enough to be firm and tell her to go back to bed. They're of an age when they know what is right/wrong and going into Mum's room is clearly not right and by providing a bed in the parents room is, imo, encouraging her to come in and think its ok - it defeats the whole idea of poptot trying to get her to stay in her room.

You need to talk to her, to find out where she's getting all these thought from, if she has no experience of it. Can you talk to her during the day, when she's perfectly happy. You may find that if you dig deep enough, there is a reason for her thoughts, but she's not going to tell you at bedtime or in the middle of the night.

No you are not saying it is okay but you are giving her somewhere to go if she is frightened. The only other thing is if poptot or mr poptot got in with dd for the rest of the night. She obviously feels uneasy being on her own at the moment. She will get over it with help.
Agree with Maureen about talking to her about it. From experience with a couple of mine, sometimes they just can't get over the fear for a while. We have done the having a bed in our room for some of the children at different stages. They didn't get into a habit and ended up back in their own bed sooner or later. They shared a room, too. So it's not always just about being on their own, sometimes they are afraid and sometimes they want mum and/or dad.