Hello all, I’m looking for some advice please on how you have handled overly clingy behaviour.
Backstory is, I’m a single mother of two children, 15 and 5. My younger son no longer has contact with his dad and hasn’t seen him for 2 years, due to his dad’s life choices that are not suitable for a child.
I work 5 days a week and my youngest is in after school club 3 times a week, which he loves. I collect him most days and then we have time together before my older son comes home from school or other activities. I am the person who puts him to bed every night and does the day to day things for him.
On the weekends, we’ll often go see my parents so he has interaction with other people, aside from myself. In honesty, I need this also.
So, my problem is that he constantly wants my attention. He comes and gets in my bed most nights, this I have begun to challenge. He then wants my undivided attention all morning, to the point he will constantly create and not do as he is asked, just so I’m constantly talking to him or telling him off.
He goes into school fine, but then the same continues after school; I pick him up, we go home, ask him to get changed, this causes a challenge and takes forever. I try not to give in and undress him and redress him, as he is old enough to do this himself. Then comes reading time, he usually acts silly so again it’s constant attention and me trying to calm him. Then comes making tea, he constantly wants hugs, kisses, tries to climb on the worktop whilst I prepare tea. This becomes another challenge.
Then tea time consists of me having to coax him to eat, despite him constantly asking for snacks when we get home from school, (obviously I refuse or allow him a yogurt at most). Obviously I have conversations with him about his day at tea time, we all share parts of our day at the table however, whenever my eldest son and I try to talk, it’s constantly talking over us or ‘mum, mum, mum.’
Then comes bath time, again massive coaxing and disputes about him having a bath, I finally get him in and then I can’t leave his sight for a moment to get pyjamas or a towel from the cupboard next to the bathroom. Then comes getting him out, same again.
TV time consists of him usually having to lie on me, wanting constant hugs and kisses. Again, if I try to talk to my oldest son or have a phone call, it’s dramatics again, where he just plays up so I spend most of the other conversations talking to him.
I put him to bed and in honesty, when he asks for a story, I’m so exhausted from him I sometimes can’t bring myself to read him one. Then it’s ‘mum, mum, mum’ again for a good 20 minutes quite often. I can’t go for a bath while he’s awake or do much because he always needs a drink or a snack, and if I ask his brother to get it, he will shout that he wants mummy to get it and refuse it.
I do challenge him and am firm, however I am mentally drained from having to challenge absolutely everything, every single day. Drained from not being able to speak with anyone else, even my parents as he will often play up so the focus is on him. We sleep there occasionally to give me some rest bite and he constantly follows me around the house, or asks for me if I go for a shower.
At school, he settles fine but there has been remarks about him having ‘ants in his pants’ from his teacher. I think I’m just emotionally exhausted from the need to be hugging, kissing, touching, speaking, shouting at him, every single moment I’m with him, from when he gets up till he goes to sleep.
Weekends there is literally no let up from it. It is an excessive to be the focus of my attention.
He is such a lovely little boy but he is very hard work. Has anyone else been in this situation? Please give me some recommendations on what has worked for you.