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3.5 yo behaviour

3 replies

SarahDay1990 · 16/02/2022 10:16

Hi all - looking for some advice/reassurance about my 3.5 yo. My LO has always been highly emotive and has always struggled to regulate his emotions. But he has always been the most caring and loving child and we’ve always had a very close relationship. However these past 2 weeks it’s like he’s a different child. He’s hitting, testing limits, saying he hates me, won’t listen etc etc. things that are likely to have contributed to this - I’m heavily pregnant, my mother in law has come to stay with us to help when baby comes and he’s recently moved rooms in nursery and increased his day there. I have always practiced a more gentle parenting approach which has always worked. He was always well behaved and listened etc. we never used to shout, discipline etc - we never really had to as our approach always worked. But I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I look into his defiant eyes and I don’t recognise him and my heart is breaking. I’ve recently shouted a few times which I hate and that just seems to drive a bigger wedge between us - but everything is a battle and challenge with him. As I write this I know so many of you will say his age, new baby coming, mother in law being here, nursery changes have all contributed. But I guess I want some reassurance that this is a phase that will pass? Also how do I deal with his behaviour? Feel like being more strict is needed even though he won’t listen and the divide us just gets greater. I worry when the baby comes that this will only get worse. Our family don’t live near so our support network is small so he really is the centre of our world which I don’t think helps either….any words of encouragement would be great!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SarahDay1990 · 16/02/2022 10:17

Also to add - we’ve had huge regressions with toilet training - he’s having multiple accidents every day (almost like he was never potty trained) and that’s been going on since nov/Dec time

OP posts:
SarahDay1990 · 16/02/2022 16:05

Anyone? x

OP posts:
Amelia891 · 17/02/2022 18:12

Hi @SarahDay1990

I don’t have much more to add than what you’ve already said in terms of causes- I think you’re right, he’s very likely aware that all these changes are happening and his life is about to be very different with the new arrival (My DD was almost 3 when her twin sisters came along so a bit younger but I have some experience with this)

I would focus on 2 things in particular- LOTS of love and reassurance from you, that he is still your special boy, spend as much 1:1 time with him as possible (even if that’s just cuddles on the sofa and books as I appreciate you’re very pregnant!) emphasis on what a wonderful big brother he is going to be, loads of positive praise when he is being good. And also routine- no idea if he currently has a good routine with bed time etc but my DD thrives on it, in general I’ve read that routine helps children feel safe, keeping parts of their day like bedtime predictable reduces any anxiety when their world is changing it’s one thing that can remain constant. Hope that’s helpful in some way x

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