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Original poster

I've just told ds1 and dd2 I'm going to phone the police ...

26 replies

harman · 31/12/2007 11:26

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Shitemum · 31/12/2007 11:32

Ages?
My mum used to threaten us with 'borstal'. Then she just threatened to 'take to drink'.

Astrophe · 31/12/2007 11:32

no advice sorry, but sympathies. I'm sure someone on here will have some good ideas.

How did they react when you said you would call the police? Do you have a friend who could pretend to be a police man and come and talk to them (depends on how old they are obviously)

Original poster
harman · 31/12/2007 11:34

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Astrophe · 31/12/2007 11:36

actually, a friend has had great success a few weeks ago with confiscating toys - she did it in a moment of fury/madness - took all his toys (except for his favourite comfort toy) and put them in a huge bin bag. Told him he had to earn them back, which he did, and he has been much better ever since.

Harsh, but sometimes they need to see that Mum means business

hth

Astrophe · 31/12/2007 11:37

oh, and I have read a fab book called 'Siblings without rivalry' by faber and mazlish (available on amazon), which I thought was great and very practical, although my two are much younger so I'm not in the same situation as you.

Doodletoyou · 31/12/2007 11:40

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moljam · 31/12/2007 11:44

can you give them jobs to do to keep them busy,works on my oldest 2,who are year apart.i remember reading great book about siblings fighting and being asked to clean window,one did inside,one did outside,by end of book they were laughing together at each others silly faces.but things like today my dd folded piles os washing,ds then carried them upstairs to put away.later ones washing up,the other is drying.

discoverlife · 31/12/2007 11:46

Oh god the 18 month gap, I have never believed anybody that says their little darlings with that age gap get on, I don't think its possible for them to. I have no cures for you, I am now 44 and still despise my sister, my two eldest still clash and they are 21 and 20 respectivly and live 16 miles apart. But the idea of confiscating toys may work, but then they will blame each other for the confiscation. eg. its your fault Mum has taken the ***.
You have my greatest sympathese. (wrong spelling I know)

colditz · 31/12/2007 11:46

are they fighting about objects? remove each object as they fight about it. The Tv? Switch it off if they fight about it. Or send them to their rooma and tell them they are NOT allowed to speak to each other. (this is guaranteed to make sure they speak to each other quietly)

moljam · 31/12/2007 11:47

mine mostly get on amazingly well.theyre 1 year 5 days apart.i had 2 years between me and 1 sister,we fought like mad when younger but soon as we left home we got on great.

Original poster
harman · 31/12/2007 11:47

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Original poster
harman · 31/12/2007 11:49

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VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 11:55

I do what colditz suggested with ym two, they are 7 and 3 so the age gap is bigger but they'll play happily for hours one day then the next they just argue over everything. Split them up everytime, they soon realise that being alone in their room is much less fun than whatever game they could play together.

moljam · 31/12/2007 11:56

Colditz i love that idea,i'll try that!

LowFat · 31/12/2007 11:57

I know 2 sets of siblings with 18month gaps. One set get on unless other hcildren are around then they fight. They are currently 5 and 7

The others are my DN's and from what I have heard the oldest (3yrs) is a bit of a monster to the younger (1yr) when they think no one is looking.

My two have 3 years and 3 months between them and at the moment they are adorable to each other

bambi06 · 31/12/2007 12:00

i have exactly the same age children and since the summer have bickered constantly..yet they had up to that point always got on so well..everyone had always remarked how well they got on

Elphaba · 31/12/2007 12:02

Mine are 19 months apart and 21 months apart. They have moments of playing beautifully and moments of fighting - that's not news to anyone surely?!

Ds2 and ds3 (5 and 3) have been brought upstairs for fighting and they are now sharing and playing with a toy beautifully.

I'm doing the confiscating toys things but that's because ds2's favourite words at the moment are 'stupid' and 'idiot' and I don't like it (can you believe, he got it from the film 'Cars'!!)

purpleduck · 31/12/2007 12:04

Sometimes i try to give them a long term project, where they have to co-operate and get a fab prize at the end.

Also tend to ignore the times when they are getting along, but not really doing what i want them to do. IE they often whisper to each other at bedtime through the wall- i want them to go to bed, but its building their relationship, so I ignore it for ahile.

When I send them each to their rooms, often they will sneak into each others room, and they are sooo quiet. I ignore that too, as in the long run its helping their relaionship.

I find sometimes the tv causes more trouble than its worth. They often play the coolest games without me or the tv.

Mine are nearly 6 and 8. We tell them - "there are billions of people in the world, and only one is your sister/brother..." I think they zone out after awhile, but generally they are ok with each other.

good luck

bossybritches · 31/12/2007 12:04

Try this approach which amazingly even at that age they can identify with.

YOU; (after pulling them apart!!) Please STOP it both of you & listen!!

YOU to DC1; Now you're obviously angry but it's not getting anywhere & we're all getting cross so tell me what has happened (often what you think has happened is not the case this gives the injured party a chance to be heard- DC2 must shut up at this point & have his/her turn next)

Then without comment You to DC2 ; So why are YOU angry.

This allows both parties to calm down & have their say & both must let the other child speak without interruption or comment.

You then ask each child to see how the other must be feeling (even if they don't agree) & what they think they are going to do to make the situation better. Let them choose a solution to agree on, if they can't agree then give them some time apart to think about it & come back again in 10/15 minutes.

After each session reiterate how much you prefer this calm sorting out & acknowledge how difficult it is & that you are proud of them for trying.

Sounds VERY long winded but keep trying it & it helps calm everyone down even if they initially refuse to talk to each other!! It is a negociating skill they quickly pick up & makes them feel their grievance has been heard & valued which in itself diffuses frustrations!

Good luck!!

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 12:06

I do the whole 'The only person you can guarantee will be there for you when me and your dad are gone is your brother/sister, you should love and respect them cos you might need them one day' speech but I doubt they listen to a word of it

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 12:08

Lol Bossy, I have to do that with DP and the kids let alone just the kids!!

charliecat · 31/12/2007 12:11

Having a good day then
I threaten to take mine to town if they dont stop it. They HATE going to town. Is there somewhere they dont like that may shut them up?
Funnily enough we are going to town now for supplies but on roller skates so it SEEMS like fun today...till one of them falls over..

Original poster
harman · 31/12/2007 12:26

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charliecat · 31/12/2007 12:30

I have answereds your texts..switched phone off last night(no charger, saving battery) and i replied when i was in the bath this morning to you, i had one from last night and one this AM...its in my sent box...

charliecat · 31/12/2007 12:32

and it says its delivered