Rejected 8 year old

[Sleeppleease]

My daughter is a well liked member of her class, but nobody wants to play with her. It's a regular occurrence that she will ask to play a game and other children will say "I'm not playing anymore then..." and walk away.

She had a hard time last year with 2 antagonistic girls, one of whom used to be her best friend but this friend became best friends with another girl. They took great enjoyment in leaving her out and then rubbing her nose in it.

After covid, the school did a reshuffle of the 2 classes in her year group based on ability, so thankfully she's not with those girls anymore but she is very lost and alone. It upsets me that she is now being rejected by other girls and I'm wondering why this is happening. The teachers only really see the friendships on a surface level in the classroom so tell me how wonderful it is that she gets on with everyone- which she does. She's a lovely girl. A bit over friendly at times, but I'm starting to wonder if there's more to it. Her teacher has decribed her as a day dreamer too and I'm starting to think that maybe she's mildly on the spectrum and not picking up on social cues.

These rejections have been happening since she was a toddler. Even a group of friends we had from when she was born, at age 3,, she would be left out a lot and the girls would run away from her.

I'm at a loss. I don't know whether to help her by inviting some of the girls from her class over for a play date to try and build some friendships, but also don't want to deliver the message that you're kind to people who reject you.

I've tried dropping hints to other mums that she's finding it a bit of a struggle but nobody has reached out and suggested she goes to play. There are lots of play dates happening now that covid is improving and even sleepovers but she's never invited. In the mornings, I see other girls running up to each other on the playground to say hello and she just gets ignored if she runs over. She often looks up at me for comfort and my heart breaks.

This is keeping me awake at night and I don't know what to do to help her? I'm starting to think this is my fault for having PND after her younger brother was born and for being so emotionally detached when she was 3. I think she probably felt rejected then :( I don't know what to do.

OP, I’ve just read your post and really feel for your DD, that is just crushing for her and you💐.. don’t blame yourself this is very unlikely to be because of your PND , you sound like a very sensitive and empathetic mum who’s her champion. I think it’s class dynamics at play and I’d take it further with the school as sounds like they are fobbing you off abit- surely they have buddying or nurture groups?
Also I’d just take the lead with some nice mums/ girls in her class and just arrange a play date with you maybe at your home or a day out so you can subtly support your dc if there are some issues with social skills.
Have you thought about a club for her do she gets to meet other girls outside school too 💐 xx

Thank you for replying @genevie82
She's in lots of groups after school as She likes to be very active, which is great, but the friendships don't seem to deepen.

She can be irritating at times and will tell very long winded tales about all sorts of trivial things but this is her enthusiasm for the world. She genuinely loves everything- learning, sports, food, play, the weather, nature, animals. There's nothing that doesn't fill her with excitement.

It just makes me feel she doesn't deserve this :(. I'll keep on at the school for support. She's liked by the boys who will play with her at times, but she really craves close girl friends.

I really hope this resolves for your DD Op, she sounds lovely..press the school about it more. All you need at school is just one best friend really, maybe it will happen at secondary school when she’s got a wider mix of girls and one or two with more in common to form friendships with xx

Your DD sounds a bit like mine, OP. I know exactly what you mean - I feel the rejection so deeply that it has stopped me sleeping too. Please don't blame yourself. In my daughter's class, there are a couple of girls encouraging others to leave my DD and a couple of other girls out of games at playtime. This has extended to birthday parties too. It's so sad!

I agree with others and recommend pressing the school for more support - they will have likely dealt with this sort of thing before. My DD's school had a circle time with just the girls to talk about inclusion and that seemed to help a bit.

I've also started organising a few play dates which I was reluctant to do but it has helped.

Good luck!

Hello OP, if it helps, I found great deal of fulfilment as a child in activities I was good at, and that made me (slightly) like people that did those activities. I was laughed at and made run away from and all sorts, it upset me but I also learned that some people are not worth my time (sadly I learned most people were, I was not bitter over this, but maybe it sounds that way :-D ).

Anyways, Let her find a sport or activity she enjoys, and let her dwell deep into it. Best with animals so she has (for lack of better expression) person to person interaction (like with dog training or horse riding). Will make her able to communicate with another being that is not human (makes much more fun) and also easier to learn communication skills than with 8yo girls (I think).

Please do not make her like people, they are so not worth it. You sound like an amazing mum, and she is a smart girl that will figure this out. Loads of books, and activity she will be good at and thrive so she has peers (you will find she will get on much better with older people/people above her age group). I may be wrong but I'd try that.