how to get my baby to nap unaided

[barneybear]

my son will be 3 months old in just over a week. we will then move him to his cot in the nursery. (he's been sleeping next to us in a moses basket up til now).

he only has 2 hour=long naps in the day (i wish there were more) and in order to get him down, i have to rock him in my arms with a dummy in his mouth. this can take several attempts. he will look like he is sound asleep but then i put him down and he's wide awake.

he cries very strongly and make himself go red in the face.

at night, he sleeps pretty well, but in the last week we have struggled to get him to sleep after his bottle feed, especially in the middle of the night (usually wakes up about 4ish).

so basically we want him to be able to be put down in his cot and self sleep.

anyone have an amazing solution to make this easy (she says tongue in cheek!). i don't think we can do the 'leaving him to cry for a long period' method; but i've tried 'sshing him and patting his back' and he just cries louder.

i have thought about some kind of mobile or something that you can put in the side of the cot (my friend's daughter used to watch a baby einstein thing) but would this not be too much of a stimulus.

it's our new year's resolution to get this sorted - don't want to b e still rocking him when he's a year old!

would really appreciate anyone's help on this.

many thanks x

my ds 2 is 17 weeks and started off like this but now really good, during the day he LIKES to be left alone with a cloth loosely over his face ( some babies like this) - At night time we put him into his cot ( still in our room) and put on his mobile, we have the fisher price one and it has lights, music and =motion and 2 volume control, we put it on the quietist volume setting and he watches that. my ds1 DIDNT like the motion of the mobile and he had a singing Pooh bear thing that he feel asleep to which was good as we could take it any where!

BB, I know this isn't what you want to hear but three months is still very young to self-settle.

But you might find that time itself helps sort things out. My ds is nearly nine months old and for daytime naps I still have to feed him to sleep. However at night time now he takes very little help; I just have to put him in the bed, hold his hand for ten minutes and he's away.

I did not want to let him cry either (as he screamed instead of crying) so at about six months I started a routine, of massage, book, huge long feed and then cuddle. He was very used to feeding to sleep so the first time I cuddled him in the bed instead, he did cry quite a lot. But I took comfort from the Dr. Sears quote that "a baby crying and fussing in its parent's arms is not the same as crying it out" and eventually my ds fell asleep crying in my arms.

The second night there was some crying but he went to sleep much sooner. After about two weeks of this, I didn't have to cuddle him at all I could just put my hand on him. Then I just had to touch his hand while he slept. The routine itself makes him think, "ooh, a massage? A book? I think it might be sleepy time soon!"

I actually like touching his hand as he goes to sleep now at night.

HTH.

We have always put ours down after a feed, usually awake, kiss and say night night. No gimics, lights, doors open or mobiles etc - just that this is how you go to sleep. If they have cried we have gone back in, quick cuddle, back on back and same again. dS3 gets stuck sometimes and will yell so we know he needs rescuing when he cries - otherwise he will go to sleep. Use the same routine day or night.

Good luck!

God, I so need to start doing something about this.

My son is 14months and is always fed/cuddled until asleep and then transferred to his cot. If awake he tries to climb out and screams at top of voice until we give in. He works himself to a frenzy.

Could I carry on with our nice peaceful method or is this the road to disaster?

Llareggub - I am only a 1st time Mum so doubtless I will be told I have PFB syndrome but if I ever get fed up sometimes with this parenting lark being hard work (e.g. feeding to sleep etc) I do tell myself that I certainly won't be doing it when he's 16. In fact I doubt I'll be doing it when he's 6. So I personally wouldn't call it the road to disaster; kids grow out of needing all this fuss eventually.

But as I say, only 1st time Mum of young baby so huge pinch of salt required. I have a cupboard full of all the rods I've made for my own back.

Thanks reversethepolarity. I also have a PFB and we do enjoy our evening cuddles, particularly now I am back at work. Will carry on down this road for now, unless I hear some compelling arguments...

llareggub, lol! Call me a lazy cow but I always follow the path of least resistance.

I may also be on the road to disaster, but my 6mo ds will only nap through the daytime on my bed. I need to lie with him and pat and shshshsh him but when he falls asleep i can get up, surround him with pillows so he's not going anywhere. Then get up and get on with mn important things.

Like reversethepolarity, I comfort myself with the thought that I won't be doing this when he's 16!

Sorry barneybear this prob doesn't help too much, but you're not alone!

Hi Llarggub,

I read a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits,Happy Child" and it really changed things for us a few weeks ago. Naps and nighttime were really hard, lots of tears and waking all night until we started "sleep training." Basically, you start with daytime naps. We started really slowly, getting her on a schedule that followed her needs. Two hours up, one hour down was how it seemed to work best for her.

Step two was to put her down awake but sleepy. I sang, rocked and put her down with a little light in her crib but the room was pitch dark. She cried a little at first but since I really had cracked the timing part, it was pretty easy going.

Once I was sure she knew how to get herself to sleep we started on night training. Now this sucked for a full week. She would go down well enough around 7 or 8 pm but she'd wake up after an hour expecting me to get her from her "nap." We didn't, and she yelled the first night for a full 90 minutes. We only survived by calling all our friends who had never sleep trained their babies with disasterous consequences.

Ninety minutes is a godawful long time, I assure you. Next night was the same. Following night was an hour but not straight through. We promised ourselves if she woke up after three or four hours, we'd go get her and feed her but prior to that, there just wasn't any legit reason to break down.

Anyway, to make a long story marginally shorter, a week later she was sleeping twelve hours, occasionally waking us for a dream feed but half the time not. Plus, she's in a MUCH better mood during the day. She's become a joy to be around and play with. Some of it is age but I can't deny that getting a great night's sleep has helped all of us.

BTW, we started with when she was four and a half months. We also put her into her own room at this point, as we were all waking each other up all night. She weighs just over a stone.

Hope this helps!

Barneybear
Our dd2 is 12 weeks this friday and I empathise with the daytime naps. Our daughter slept all of about 90 mins today! I think you have to use your instinct to decide how much crying it out vs cuddling is right. 3 months is still quite young to let a baby get into a really fretful state... dd1 was a few months older before we went down that road.. off now to give dd2 her 10.30 feed - will hopefully see her through til at least 5.30- fingers crossed.

3mo is too young to be left to cry to sleep and too young to be in a room alone overnight (SIDS)

this reminds me of dd at that age, would only sleep on me/be rocked to sleep and would wake up immediately if put down. i found this preety exhausting as it meant i couldn't ever nap when she did.

we didn't let her cry it out, just waited until she was ready to start self-settling which she did of her own accord at around 5 months, although still does not always manage it consistently now at 7 months. thngs that helped were trusty blackout curtains and trying to catch her at just the right level of tiredness ie. before being over-tired with ensuing grouchiness. oh and we have a musical toy in her room that doesn't provide any visual stimulation but does provide nice soothing music as her cot mobile fascinates her and just keeps her awake longer

agree about the cot mobile.... it stimulated our dd1- eyes kept popping open- I also waited till 5-6 months to let her cry it out. I will do the same with dd2. Although there is nothing wrong with letting them cry for 5 mins or so at 3 months- our dd2 needs to have a little 5 minute cry before she nods off in her bouncy chair during the day.

I am also at the same stage with my dd who is 4 months. It's driving me bonkers as she will only settle either during the day if she is in the pram on a walk, or at night if she has a feed (she is 100% breastfed although I am about to start introducing formula for her bedtime feed.) I want to be able to go out with husband as we have hardly had any "us" time but am concerned that if she wakes whilst I am away the babysitter (family or friend) will never be able to settle her. Someone recommended a book by ? Ferber for getting babies to sleep unassisted has anyone read it?

Hi barneybear

Our dd (now 17 weeks) has always been difficult to get to sleep. By 12 weeks, I too was getting a little frustrated. We had the same problem re rocking to sleeping and then waking up once put down so decided to put her down awake and get her to sleep whilst down. We noticed that she gets overtired v. easily and once she gets overtired its a lot harder to get her to sleep so we have tried to get her in her cot as soon as she starts yawning or rubbing her eyes. We put her in her cot with all the lights on and mobile for 10 mins or so to get her used to being in her cot then turn off mobile dim the lights and give her a dummy and some calm shussing and leave her for a couple of mins, then return after a few mins and repeat the process until she goes to sleep. Over the weeks the time taken to settle her is a lot shorter now no longer than 15 mins, often only 5 and we can often do it now without the dummy. However you choose to get him to sleep, keep perservering would be my advise and be encouraged that the older he gets the more he will get used to settling himself. I do also think that by just repeating the same process every day they will eventually get used to what happens. Good luck.

I had a similar problem too, and echo the previous poster who mentioned that getting overtired can make things much worse, and also that consistency in whatever approach you decided upon is the key. I realised at about the age your lo is, that my ds actually hated being 'overstimulated' rocked and shushed and whatever, and so I did the put down awake, and then return every few minutes to reassure (but not getting him out of his cot), gradually spacing out the time in between. This worked like a charm (I think because I resisted the urge to actually take him out of his cot) and within a few days he would settle himself to sleep with no aids, although at that age I was still swaddling. He has been brilliant at settling and sleeping ever since. Also, one of the best pieces of advice any one ever gave me was the 9am nap. It seemed mad to me to put ds down when he'd only been up for a couple of hours after a long sleep at night, but he did need it, and until he was about a year old he had a couple of hours in the morning and the same in the afternoon. Now just has a couple of hours in the afternoon at 2.3. hth, and be assured you will find something that works for you...this too will pass!